Condemned Dreams

Wind hits my face…
Swifting past in a metro…
It's no longer a cold wave…
There's too much burning inside!

She strapped on her heels
Biker babes don't have it easy...
The road has always been home to
Guns... Germs and Steel!

We used to speak in silhouettes
when whispers seemed too loud
we said forever would mean too less
we couldn't part that young ;)

Cream crayons and dirty dreams
my tattoo was your wedding ring
of folded sleeves and open collars
there was no envy in her dollar dreams

now its empty cobbled streets
the same old songs on repeat
Reminiscing and living in pictures
of high heels, off orange peels

Right-Sized

Of.. Mice and men.. In this rat race they ran..
The winner stood wondering.. What now??

Of luck and such.. She warned them
It's not what can you do.. But can't?

The running is consistent.. The force is full..
The direction keeps changing.. It's a zero sum game..

I used to have dreams once.. Of glory and greatness..
Now I wonder :)

Madam Manic

You're pretty pretty on most of the days
Very pretty on rest of the days..
I wonder how good you look today.

You're a girl every man wud need
You're a girl.. No man can afford to keep
At 3 am.. Can I watch you sleep??

Words loose meaning.. just your lips part
Worlds collide.. As your limbs part
Melted hot chocolate & a sizzling heart!

Shimmer & shine of your painted lips
The self assured touch of your finger tips..

You're an intoxication best enjoyed.. In small.. little sips

Atlast.... Shrugged!

it was sometime.... in 05-06... when i had picked up atlas shrugged for the second time.... to read... after-all... how could i have left behind sucha important book on my way anyway...

and then... well... i quit... after 4oo pgs... but like... most hindi movies... this one has a happy ending...

this... starts with... sometime in 08... when i re-visited.. .the paperback i had purchased on the streets of kolkata.. in 07... cos it had the OLD art-work on the cover... 

me n my love for the old art-work on books... :)

after going through abt 25 pgs.. .the book started to fall apart... we can hardly blame the thing... it held it together for 25 odd yrs :)

so... we went to the corner-store and got a shiny new atlas shrugged... with the white color cover n all that...

for the next few months... we read 20 pgs a day... abt twice a week.. on the ride to work... when we weren't on the phone... and other such...

we took it with us... to abt half a dozen states... and alll such!

ppl mocked us all around... for nvr ever finishing it.. and it being the book of my life and what not!!

then there was the holiday to singapore.. .when i carried the thing with me.. . in hope that .. .thru the various flights and other such.. i'll read the damn thing...

as luck would have it..forgot it in the hotel in singapore....

thus ended the second copy of atlas shrugged... in my trivial pursuit!

then... on one of my trips to mumbai.... i pulled out another copy of atlas shrugged.. .that we had borrowed from her... in 05... that's after-all how we'd decided to start reading it... though i am not very sure.. if it was him or her... 

and over the next few weeks and a couple of months... finally finished the book....

after having managed to run thru the 1100 something pages... she tells me... vbv... over the lst yr... u must've... even forgotten... wht dagny's charachter had started as.....

she maybe right.... but i had... atlast shrugged :)

Breeze...

The conversations that happened.. 

Between the sheets on a Sunday morning .

The things that were left unsaid 

on a late Saturday night..

She called to say she wasn't ready for this.. 

He had been planing to pull the plug on her instead..

Cream color dreams in black & white
Seem vaguely familiar the morning after..

When the blue curtains of the morning sun parted..
The black sky and his hopes had vanished

Curling on empty air plane seats
He wishes his life away

finest way to start a day!

so... i woke up this morning... to read this story in the news!

and i must say... there are all sorts of things... life prepares one for... but not some brilliant surprises of this kind :)

after reading this... someone told me... how kids have the absolut clarity and over the yrs and our complications... we end up losing sight of things we really want.. and would cherish!

not sure... if we were better decision makers then or now... but this surely... is a good read!

State of mind...

so... tmrw... i will visit... the 20th state of India... in my 26 yrs... so fascinating! sucha mile-stonE!

it'll be the first new state i will visit in 2009.... 

we happend to visit.... 6 new states in 2007 & 5 new ones in 2008.... its clearly been a good-couple of yrs! ;)

i've always been fascinated about travelling within India... exploring the various states and other such... which is why... i decided to keep a tab on how many of them are there... and how many v've covered... turns out... 28 states & 7 ut's.... so out of this list of 35... we're on 20 already :)

maybe... it surprises you.. to find this... so fascinating... but for a boy... brought up in mumbai.. .with a bi-annual vacation to north-india... suddenly going out... and seeing the rest of india suddenly is just.... sucha RUSH!

it is just... something which gives me sucha high... to be a person... who's atleast visited these places... for a short-while even... maybe just one city... maybe just one night? but... still i have seen.. more than half of our states... :)

i feel great pride about the whole deal! 

in the 15 odd which are still left... 6 of them are very important... which will be planned for .... in the coming yr.... after-all... how else can we discover ourselves... but thru travel :)

cheers to another train ride!

Jharkhand calling!

all's well... that ends well!

so... the year that was .. 2008...



one too many count-downs and recollections have already obviously been done... since we're already in 2009...



but i think.. we can start with.. diwali of 2007... when we crashed our car and survived...

that.. was quite the turning point... cos i got out scratch-less... and it meant i never bought that car in kolkata which i was supposed to... then came the new yr in delhi...

the impulsive surprise @ roxy!

the long, dreary baroda....

another change of guard... the launch of chad valley... and the possibilities.. which still remain un-utilized! so... actually.. with chad valley... this was one of my biggest years in sometime!

then... the first formula 1... and the lap of luxury holiday that followed!

the diwali surprise... that was SO un-expected...

and then... well... not to forget... the first time we lived on our own... the maid... the house...

the first time in life.. i entertained my folks at *my home*

the first time i entertained my brother and lotsa friends also!

god i love my friends... what would i ever do without them?

and then... half-drunk knight! my most precious addition of 08! how much i shall miss him next yr... sigh!

and well... like the theme says.. all's well that end's well.. thru the most dramatic... most travelled... and i think most "lived" year of my life... the last 15 days were some bloody good parties... in amar sonar bangla!

the last 2 days ofcourse... were the best imaginable!

the 30th night... with those stupid boys.. after 5 bloody long yrs... 3... if u r from fukudus domain!

and then... the chilled out 31st at home... let us see... what tomorrow brings!

hung-over-knight : bio-sketch!

so.... hung-over-knight.. is not just any random guy...

he is actually a new phenomenon of today... i was mighty surprised to come across this one... but maybe i'm just lucky! to see all this... in a single-life-time!

mind you.. like the original knights! this is not just one guy... but its a group of men.. .who up-hold this strong... difficult set of values & never compromise! never let-go!

live strong i say!

so... what one may ask.. are the principles of h-o-k living?

- a man who loves only one woman...
there is only one true love... and everyone else who comes along the way.. are stray women! but he's a real-knight so.. he will not let them feel.. less than loved! so...

- a man who will be up-front about his lofe... for another...
i mean.. sure.. the knight.. is irresistible! who doesn't want a man, already committed to another? (and they think men have committment issues and tend to cheat... its the women who want to make them cheaters... to make their men seem cooler?)

- a man who is still NOT in-discriminate!
i mean sure.. he is a knight.. and there are all these women! but that in NO way means... he will be out and about with every1! while a personal sense of discrimination might be more of a common'er quality! but... what makes the knight extra special is... that he might... inter-act with a lot more... but he actually "gives up sex" and i quote a knight here!
any lesser man... could not have ever said this!

like the fabled knight's... i see no peace or satisfaction... come in the knight's life.. except through spreading joy and smile's... in the life of as many women... as he CAN fancy... so they all smile thinking... "they were worthy, to be had!"

merry christmas... or somethin

so... the big-christmas eve was some name-less-face-less party... followed by a couple of more such parties....

nice... none-the-less nothing worth remebering mentioning or whatever.. i mean it was nice.. but.. BAS!

so then on christmas day... we woke up around lunch... the made didn't come... so there was no food.. but the ever-thgtful "bhaiya" made maggi n scrambled eggs :) 

and we had a healthy-and-well-fed afternoon! followed by bumming rest of the day! 

then in the evening... hung-over-knight called and said let's catch up!

so we drove down to park street... and it was all so brilliantly lit-up and crowded! decked up like a princess! the best street of calcutta! all ppl well dressed in the way they knew best how to... walking around on a chilly winter evening... with their dear ones and sharing a laugh!

and then we went down to the god's favorite cafe... t3 - the tea table... sat down over there... after struggling 10 mins to find a table... one of those un-heard of things... t3 being too full :)

any-who.. then after much struggle.. we caught the attention of the waiter.. and placed an order.. then after about 3 reminders... we got them to clean our table.... and about 3 seperate set of reminders... got him to get us our complete order...

this.. somewhere is where the real charm of T3 lies... in their non-chalant approach to customer service.. how hard it is.. to un-ruffle them.. from their real-job.. which is to guard that monument.. 

and somewhere in the brilliant food that they serve and the general festive ambience of the place... the cool of the waiters... and the long lovely conversation... reminscing the past... shared experiences... recent and beyond... somewhere i was reminded... THIS is the spirit of christmas and holiday!

this.. is what we all make a big-deal about... try and meet our dear friends... catch up with them and well this is what makes christmas merry!

so... it may not have been perfect... but i hope your christmas and holidays go merry as well!

for now.. i love my life.. and hung-over-knight.. for being a part of it :)

CHANGE FOR THE BETTER...

Rub me the wrong way...

Rub a little harder… 

You're getting it right!

Rub a little more you're making it count!

There's a sore from a bite and 

A rash from a scratch… 

Just keep digging deeper and 

The trash’ll surface!

You push the ribbon… You stretch it more… 

Then the fabric gives in and I feel nothing…

A moment or so later the flood follows...

Noises that drown... vision that blurs… 

Throat that's scratchy and breath that's faltering!!

Metal that's rusting... 

Lights which are fading... 

A hairline that's receding!? 

I'm an amalgamation of 

All the could have been's 

That didn't amount to much.

Come… Let’s Embrace this change

QUITTIN and WINNIN

in the inter-mingling noise..
of unexpected and everything

in the cheaply lit void
of emptiness and nothing

a candle still burns
with a dwindling flame

a boy still waits..
mumblin a name
under his breath!

he tries to think of the sun.. .
the moon n other such :)

lands his thoughts somewhere
near the cut of her skirt...

Distraction is terrible,
sucha use-less destructive force...

when you ramble for long enough
the point can then get lost

its a lil chilly outside
a lil slow inside my head

maybe its just a winter weekend...
wishing me DEAD!

Ode to the Non-Salaried..

your life is so blessed...

you have no monday morning blues

no weekend stress.. to maximize!

no pointless.. protocol!

your life is so blessed...

you report into none..

answerable only to self

and fly the span of your imagination!

your life is so blessed...

still.. do you wish somedays..

to swap it with me?

just another day!

so.. after a slightly traumatizing train ride... i reached home this evening... to my 2 flat-mates... rofl! first time.. i came home to flat-mates i think.. funny new feeling... 1o f them was on the phone... n the other was sleeping.. i ofcourse... made both of them give up their pursuits.. and get excited that i am back :)

why not anyway... it is so coom i came back ;)...
feels good for a change to have some 1 to come back to.. from the glory days of jodhpur park.. when i had vh1 for company...

now.. at 10:05... srini boy is cooking rice for us... as i wait for the race to start.. and he has messed it up a lil.. but who r v kidding.. i'd have not made anythin to begin with!! this is a feast.. to say the least! ;)

another benefit of livin with frnds.. u get food while u just be lazy! :)

then there is the whole their tastes against ours... and their likes against ours...

ok now.. i must eat.. this is update for the moment! go watch the race...

ode to a beautiful some1~~

She's so circumspect.. that in retrospect
there won't be much left to regret!!

when we go back home.. and she drives alone
she pulled the parachute and pressed eject!!

Safe but far from safety..
they worship her like a deity!

when the sun goes down in hollywood
she paints her eyes and is off to see red!

its not as horrible as it seems
but magnificence is over-rated!

when the dust settles and we call it quits
atleast she would have lived!

principld livin'

the 2 principles to live by in kolkata
1. money is no object
2. time is no issue
this was mostly his philosophy for kol... i'v contributed about 10% to this.. but its so brilliantly true :)

:)
when this is the basis of yr philosophy for life.. in a city... one wonders.. how much can there be to complain about in life.. :)


today... was a couple of very interesting learnings... from the weirdest of un-expected places...

part 1:in the show he mentioned... each one of us has a specific picture, which is from our past... running in our heads... when we talk about back home (india) mine is this, kolkata... since my folks are from here.
and this... was sucha profound statement... it holds so true... our reality of things is always a shade from our past... be it abt some experience... some city.. or some situation.. its worrying almost.. to think of all communication as chinese whisper.. and how its so easy... for 2 ppl to be constantly in touch and yet see the situation in 2 opp scenario's... cos they come from diff realities..

part 2: like we went to this all-night open dhaba place.. post the show... and the man serving on our table.. gave us all 3 the nod.. like we were regulars.. and we discussed... this was my first time in the place... he had come there after abt 2 yrs... and he was also very erratic at best....
but then we remarked.. that if any of us were with a girl right now.. n the waiter nodded.. v'd prolly nod back n say somethin.. to imply v'r regulars here... coz its prolly cool to be acknowledged n considerd a regular.. just about anywherE!

a boy named GOO

god... give me the strength.. to change.. what i feel is wrong... and the courage.. to accept... what i cannot change!

i... have lived thru the last 25 yrs.. with a lot of things... with a lot i'v let go... and too much that i'v experienced... sometimes... when i look back upon my life.. i feel.. these intensely complex relationships... are about the only thing i'v pulled... off... as an achievement in the last few yrs... my sense of strength of purpose.. on many other.. more valuable counts... is often... magnificently lacking... and then i hit days like this...

when... finally.. despite.. all my weariness.. all my strength or experience... i find myself... so vulnerable... so naked... so open... sucha... "sitting duck" for the lack of a better word... 

is it sucha bad thing... when you are so easily exposed. it is soemthing you should cover.. or find a mask for... the naked nature of your raw emotion?

should we... then.. be able to always maintain equilibrium & a straight face.. no matter where we come from??

i agree to dis-agree... but if i am on the fucking other pole... from where you are... is this just our individual choice of what we decide to call home??

its so intense sometimes... these casual encounters in my head... they can rip something alive within me... and tear it out of my flesh... and expose it naked... to a salty sea... with high winds blowing... which are eroding... my inners.... and the violence.... the clash... between my skin and my teeth... so beautiful... so beautifully painful... 

there is a lot of things in our lives... we think we can control... so much ... we can command over so conveniently... then... we chance upon our achilees heel!

the only real problem... in life... is not what we have to go through... no story is ever a fairy-tale... whatever we do... there is ALWAYS something one has to LEARN to live-with! 

its only about.... what can YOU do... to let me live with it? but mayb... as she says... why should one be protected... from ANYthing? 

why would i..make it ANY easier for you to live with your choices/ and then... after-all there is ALWAYS the escape-hatch that says... why don't you just... walk-away boy :)

hang-over of love...

there are these boys... ok i may be one of them sometimes..

but boys... who have been in relationships.. where the things ended.. pretty much.. when the men weren't exactly ready to let-go... and then suddenly... the women are gone... they don't talk much... they don't take their calls as often.. or are on a little trip of their own..

our boys... mean-while... are suddenly wondering.. how will the girl fend for herself... how will she survive in this big-bad world... how will she decide...how will she choose... which bag would go with this lip-stick!

the women... they are making their own way in the world.. they're on this trip of being independent..self-reliant.. fresh out of a r'ship.. and ready to chart out on their own.. and the boys are thinking of them as the damsels in distress.. that they'd become... while we were dating!

i think... the loud n clear msg... is to get over this hang-over... this residue... and this baggage that we carry on us so willing... and get on with our lives...

because.. it is SO MUCH more easier.. said than done... i'll leave it open to your conclusions... while i have shared my solution :)

independent travelogue~

its a 3 day weekend.... we can't be stuck in kolkata...

its a 3 day weekend what the hell will we do if we don't get out!!

so the darjeeling trip didn't quite work out.. .as the bus had left by 9... and sitting at 10:10 PM our fates seeemd sealed!

the flight to bagdogra was only in the late afternoon and the additional day would just get wasted in the preparation to travel...

and then.. .the grand prize of consumerism... browsing through the various travel websites... i stumbled upon some tickets to guwhati which were not that expensive... and the flight was early in the morning... thus saving the day to ourselves!

so thankfully by his phone-call we woke up at 3:45 after having slept only at 2:30 am... took our bags and were all set for the airport..

the cab thankfully was not the hardest thing to find even at 4 in the morning... finally reached the airport... with only a small cabin baggage in hand... only to discover that we would have to check our bags in ... as were flying by an ATR (one of those propeller planes?) which would not have enough cabin space to put the bag into the overhead thing... so we checked it in...


at about 5 we walked upto the airplane.. and i think this was after a good 8 odd yrs... that i flew in 1 of these tiny atr's... was quite fun... suddenly! it seemed like holiday with the little plane and what not... and we soon took off... the air-plane looked good & old... very non-indian interiors.. like they'd just imported it and changed nothing.. with green leather seats! :)

mid-way thru the flight... the pilot tells us... we are flying over bangladesh air-space now... quite fun... after about a 55 min flight... we were landing in guwhati... as we approached the air-field... all one could see was lush green mountains and fields... a drop of water there... a stray farm here.... quite beautiful... to say the le ast!


when we finally landed on the airport... there were exactly 2 planes there... check out the beauty... as compared to the hustle-bustle of the mumbai airport..

so... after landing... we walked out on to the deserted guwhati airport... asked our friendly guard.. how to get to shillong... only to walk-out and find... that the north-eastern way of celebrating independence day... is to declare a state-level bandh :D
so there is no-one on the road... the cabbies tell us... at best they can get us to guwahati city... but shillong the bandh is very strict.. and no vehicles would ply.... so... we're standing outside guwahati airport... at 7 in the morning.. on the first day of our 3 day vacation... wondering... what the fuck was our big idea.. and what will we do now! :)

anyway... we take one of those friendly neighborhood cabs to the city.. on our way we find out that... there is a possibility... that by 4-5 in the evening.. .cabs might take us to shillong.. so we reach a hotel.. tell our dear friend at the reception.. to give us a room... meanwhile... we request him to find us a cab to shillong... and then... since ther's nothing much to do.. we take off for a movie.. morning show of bachna aae haseno! in guwahati!

now whatever one may think.. i'v always been a big fan of watching movies in new cities... i think it gives a very good perspective about the culture of that city... when you see the theatre.. the kind of movie that's playing... the no of ppl who'd come.. and how they react... so guwahati.. in regular small-time fashion.. has ppl whistling when the movie is about to start.. .there are those upper stall tickets for rs. 25... god i miss having the G7 around as the only decent movie-multiplex! the yellow pop-corn... and samosa... sigh!

anyway... once we were out of the movie... it was already 2 pm.. .and finally the city seemed like it wasn't a curfew... right from landing at 7 in the morning, to when we went for the movie at 11... we saw the streets of guwahati.. empty & desolated! there were no ppl ... no celebrations... no tri-colors... no patriotic songs playing... finally when the city seemed a little more alive at 2 ... prasenjit cracks up... looks like they finally got over their independence day blues.. :)

and then.. we roam around the city... chk out some good lunch places.. blah blah blah... the day goes by... and we sleep... next morning... up at 5 again.. on our way to cherapunji! yay! the wettest place on earth!! something i always wanted to see!!! yay!!!!

on our way to shillong by road..... which is a very picturesque ride! btw... we suddenly wake-up to the realization... that we have no ... warm-clothes... and no rain-wear... and we are going to the wettest hills of north-east! hurrah!! any other ppl.. wud feel weighed down by the pressure and want to buy some warm clothes or turn-back! but we decided to take the bull by the horns... we bought a bottle of whisky... and some chakna... and i could feel my blood warming.. after the third sip :) god bless whisky!

so we did the touristy things of clicking pictures and visiting all the monuments... only to discover that the fog wouldn't let us see.. half the things we had come all the way for.. .there were anyway some very very good highlights... like the hill.. with about 10 graves.. in the middle of no-where.. on a foggy mountain.. one of the most peaceful places on earth.. i'd think....

like the rushing water-falls.. like the 300 mt chain of caves which was half-submerged under water and which our boy prasen had the toughest time passing through!

so anyway... after completing the whole cherapunji belt.. which btw.. is a terribly scantily populated... terribly romantic.. perfect coupling destination! we reached shillong by late afternoon...

other men may have stayed at any given hotel.. .by the way-side... through recommendations from well-connected friends... we found out about a tripura castle.. which was a 10 room resort.. which used to be the tripura king's summer home! so a touch of royalty... at affordable rateS! :)

and we checked into our castle. to find a wooden commode... a non-ac room.. which needed no ac... twin beds with twin blankets... and lots of lush-green gardens... how i am loving this vacation :)

so after chilling for the afternoon... in the royal retreat.. in the evening we set out on the streets of shillong.. now there's something so brilliant about the hill-station streets... and pavements.. they're always running up and down... curving and twisting... into all things nice... and i, as usual stumbled upon ancient book-stores.. which stack more than 10 yr old titles.. how of which would be out of print... or would be the original artwork on the cover.. (nothing more beautiful than a book with the original art-work).

i picked up .. coffee-table music books for him & her... a hard-back of everst hotel and man & superman by bernard shaw for myself :D how rich a shopping experiencE!

and then we shared a drink in cloud 9... with a good view of the hilly city.. turns out.. all the pubs shut down by 9.. due to the political situation... and the clubs.. have all been closed altogether!

so after not finding any khasi food in any of the local restaurants... we came back to our castle.. .and then ventured into the bar.. and stumbled upon the pool table!

ah.. pool... the game of our youths! after a good... 8 yrs!! and there we were.. playing on an hourly rate of Rs. 75... lp as they used to call it in good-old days...

so after playing 5 games of some really amazing pool.. only to discover that my game had improved by leaps and bounds.. by not playing for 5 yrs! i mean i played the best 5 games of my life.. and lost... only 1 of them :)

we had a good dinner... and a comfy sleep in our castle-bed!

the next morning we started back for guwhati... and somehow... it seemed like we were ttly coming back to the city-lifE! the cab we took this time was bigger.. the weather was hotter... and clearly.. the quaint little holiday had come to an end.. in true symbolism... the flight we took back to cal.. was also a regular jet-liner.. which was headed to bby... via.. cal! maybe there's a little msg for us to decipher in that also... :)

cheers to peers

Ants on Speed!

There haven’t been very many valiant battles I have been part of… or even witnessed… after all... there have to be some side-effects of being an alleged metro-sexual?
And then I moved into my home… at jodhpur park… to find ants….
Ants in my pants
Ants in my bed
Ants in my biscuits
Ants in my maggi
Ants in my salted-cashew-nuts
Ants in my garbage…
Hell.. ants… even in my laptop on a bad day…

these ants... had a queer quality about them... while they LOVE all the forementioned products.... they seemed to always ignore the obvious ones... they never reached my chocolates.... they never came for sugar.... they were ferocious with the savories and avoided the obvious... i gave them the liberty... after alll ants could have their own quirks? who doesn't.. around here anyway...

then i got organic sugar.. and that... really was that! organice sugar... and i see ants... drooling over it.. hell they broke through the defences of a pearl-pet bottle, ate through the plastic... and were on to the organic sugar... (in the past they've eaten thru a tupperware box... to reach the salted cashew nuts)...

so.. organic sugar.. and ant-attack... i.. anyway... got a new box... and then.. i thgt of having a little fun... so i put the bottle of sugar... in a wide bowl.. filled it with water... and the sugar was an island now... i figured... this'd stop the ants.... but then i woke up the next morning to find.... the ants have all lined up... at the edge of the bowl... at the water level and are salivating over the sugar... its like they wanted to hold my organic sugar on seige.... i sank a few ants with additional water... and figured maybe now this'll be over (at this point... i wonder how a certain gujju jain... who will read this post.. will feel about ths whole thing :P) .... a week has passed... i continue to tease the ants with the island of sugar... they relentlessly stay on the edge of the bowl.. every morning i see them all standing by the side... waiting patiently... sometimes.. somehow .. one of them i find has made it thru on to the other side... but then.. has no real way of swimming back.. with his booty..

attaching a little image for your visual treat.... these ants remind me of all things we refuse to be :)

You know I’ve been away from Mumbai for too long and stuck in beyond when –

The dhak-chik Mumbai rickshaws come as a pleasant… forgotten surprise to me.
When there are semi-tears of joy in my eyes… at the sight of a Crepe Station Express…. In a mall… food-court!
When mc donald’s is a luxury… and coffee chains… something I haven’t frequented in 6 months.
When I have no clue on what are the English movies that released last year…
When buying clothes seems futile cos you always feel well-dressed… or find no place to try and dress up for…
When you happen to catch yourself… absent mindedly actually checking out a well-dressed girl!
When you happen to catch yourself… absent mindedly actually checking out a non-ambassador car!
When it doesn’t seem weird anymore that you don’t have your car to take out for a late night drive.
When coffee’s and conversations… seem equally alien and point-less

the rat racer!

she said... "but can you afford me?"

N she said... "i'm doing alirght... but he's making good money.. so its easier to get married"

she told me... "there is a rush to make money vbv... there is so much to be done... mayb yr in cal.. so yr oblivious to it"


all of this is... so bby... afterall.. the city nvr sleeps... they're always in sucha hurry to do so much... and become something more... and make a difference.. or... err.. as he likes to put it... they always want to live a life.. 2 sizes bigger than their shoes.. with a bigger holiday.. a better car... a fancier dinner... and slightly more exclusive clothing...

and then you pan into kolkota...

with exactly 3 multiplexes.... (bby has tht many on the versova rd)

abt 5 fancy restaurants.. (kol has a million good restaurants… but who are we kidding.. its not abt eating good food… its abt going to a place which is worth dropping a name of… in a conversation J)

and a laid-back life-style that says.. work will happen one of these days… we’ve been working for a very long time… it’s not like we have managed to avoid breathing or eating… life continues as it is… so why not sit-back and enjoy the ride…

nothing… or no-one signifies this better than the editorials on those Telegraph pages… that greet us every morning.

On the day of Bengali new year.. I come across this article.. that traces the history of Bengali sweets… how the eating patterns have evolved over the last 200 yrs… and the main shops that have played a role in introducing new sweets… also how the culture has changed and now the bengali’s have a lesser taste for these things..

It’s amazing… cos this isn’t the only time something like this surfaced in the editorial pages… there were aricles about Pakistan… about cinema… about independence… which were all written in a similar vein.. the important characteristic to note here…

Is the sense of grasp on time… the ability to step back… and take a holistic view of a situation.. and then comment on it… in a third-person… is a charactheristic.. of a very mature culture… similar to what some developed nations & their ancient cities might exhibit.

When you are… surrounded by such grandeur… and greatness… and you see ppl in another city.. (which was yr city) striving to drive a 1.6 ltr car.. instead of a 1.4 ltr car… you wonder… exactly which one of us… has lost the plot on life J

I read an interview of rahul bose… where he said… manhattan… and kolkata were 2 of the most interesting places in the world for him.. somehow I wonder… was he thinking what I’m thinking?

question the intention

the skies... they cry my tears...
as your absence asserts itself..
the winds.. they chase down the city..
looking for traces of your fragrance..

its lonely out here..
so lonely within..

its not that you were here
for too long..
but your aura just influences things
a lil too much

a lazy sunday or
another manic monday..
will never quite be..
just the same again

anything... to every1? :)

So weak... I feel so strongly now!
Its easy... To see what can become
Tips of my fingers... Give me a funny vibe
Its dark inside.. While the sun shines bright

They'd warned me.. This is what'd become
I laughed back then.. They laugh at me now...
Atleast some1 laughs... All along
Did my actions actually.. Spread joy around

She looks so pretty.. When she's out of reach
Did he forget the time.. He made her cry
It was all fun & games back then
The only thing that continues.. Is now a disconnect!

Its in her smile.. That child like innocence
Which shines like.. "you had me @ hello"
With good-bye's.. Come good lucks.. Good nights..
GOOD GOD!!

!Citizen Kane!

LO & Behold... this may not be the annual key-note by Steve Jobs... or the launch of tata nano!!

but i bought a bike... and i'm mighty pleased about it...

the Hercules WOW n my bike is called KANE... what with the red color n the fancy grafix :))

anyway... after much random thinking... and all those meetings with bicycle guys all over india.. i got fascinated... and decided to buy one of my own :)

i've owned it merely 30 hrs... and i already have a tale to tell.. (this is the mark of a good purchase.. i say!)

so.. last night.. we took delivery of the bike.. and then went out for dinner drinks.. n blah... got back by some 3 AM... n i didnt quite feel like sleeping... so i took off at 3 am... and went over to their place.. (which is a good 8kms away..) we watched some tv.. bummed arnd 4 a bit... n generally chilled... course.. more importantly they all thgt.. it was a dead-stupid idea.. to be on the road at 3 am... but sometimes.. you just gotta do those things i guess?

so yeah.. the 18 geared beast completed that journey in 30 odd mins FLAT :)

the simplistic joy of riding... of having something at yr disposal... n not having to worry abt how u will manouver it in traffic.. or will there be parking.. when you reach the destination.. is quite divine... not to mention the fringe benefits... like its eco-friendly... and that... it is good exercise :)

anyway.. we spent the night there.. woke up late... lazed around... saw a movie... and decided to come back in the evening.... again a leisurely ride on the bike :))

i saved about 180 bucks of cab fare on this round trip... i say the tgt is to break-even on the bike in the next 6 months..

i dunno if its abt re-visiting yr childhood... or being plain silly... or taking ones job too seriously.. (lolz) but i don't think i've felt this excited about anything i've bought in the last couple of yrs... n tht cant be a bad thing :)

happy 2007

s so... we try to review a year... which started with breakfast at shiv sagar (juhu)?

funny... how much we take the familiar for granted... in our present tense :)

a year... which was all about change... a year.. maybe more significant.. than the 24 before it... that in itself.. loads the yr with so MUCH baggage.. .but then a stray thgt says.. these changes have just begun... and who know how much more will be different.. and how many more important yrs are to come by.. anyway.. to stop philosophising.. and start reviewing..

a yr that saw us get placed... in dear ol' retail... the roller-coaster... which ensured this.. is one i guess... which you had to experience to believe... but then.. there is something romantic about fulfilling a long cherished dream!

a yr tht saw us travel... with friends to goa... all of north & shimla... to shingapur.... to kolkata... to rest of north for work.... to china... and other such south east....
this... for a boy.. who was born n happily brought up... in the beautiful city of bby... who jst abt travelled north (home) and to gujarat 4 a yr... is quite a LOT to fathom!

a yr.. that saw us... setup a brand new home.. .for ourselves... in the city of kolkata... oh what a joy it is... to fall in love with a new city... and discover it with a new set of ppl...

a yr of work.. yr of responsibilities.. of all things new... oh so new.. so much freedom... and so many questions :)...
a yr of a car... tht almost was and was-not.... feels lucky now...
a yr... where i spent an afternoon with her... i think... more time... than in 8 long yrs.. heh

a yr of... 7 months away from home... and 7 trips home :P its almost like.. i may have moved.. but the umblical chord... has almost not snapped yet...

a yr tht ended.. in the only way... was appropriate... for sucha yr to end... in gurgaon... away from both home's... and with some old n new friends :)
(this mind you... would be the first new yrs eve.. i've spent out of bby city-limits... a fact tht even amazes me.. right now) :)

its hard to put a finger on how the yr was... how much we liked or hated it.. and how much we wished for it to pan out differently... but i guess... at the stroke of midnight... when 2007 began... nothing any1 wud have said.. .cud have prepared us for any of this...

Silenced by the Storm

so.... its sometime in december.... sometime in the evening on a full-moon night...
this being calcutta winters... anytime in the evening is very very dark :)

and... we walk aroudn streets.. feeling a lil cold n cosy.. in a jacket.. with an ipod...

after a lil bit... we hit the terrace of our beloved bldg...

sit on the ledge... balancing on the lil terrace wall... n listen to the ipod... staring at the full-moon....

and there is a quiet.... in a still city.. with a mild winter... and semi-lit roof-tops... and music streaming... a quiet and peace... un-paralleled... experienced... once before... on a beach... at the 2 am's.... with waves crashing against life.... and me being the only self in sight.... (this english seems too richaisque... sadly)

so anyway... amazing thgt.. tht peace... is only mildly experienced... when u hit the roof...

anyway.. all of this is coming off very badly.. i don't think i can write today... so fuck it :)

that's what She Said...

she said...

let's start a radio-show... you and i... and the aim-less banter which continues anyway...

this... after she'd said... how she genuinely liked my voice.. and how i should consider the option of becoming an emcee?

this... when i think of... how much she loved hearing me... how much she has heard my voice... and how much of a first impression it inverably makes :)

anyway... moving along... last night brought some interesting insights..

he said... think of the big-bang... and from every point there on... the universe and all things small.. that are a part of it.. try ... to complicate themselves... become more complex... its the state they try to achieve... i could ofcourse state his examples here.. and drive the point home... but then you would not think about this... almost like i did not.... but... i'll let you think this 1 for yrself..

and as i processed what was said... it reminded me of her... how complex she is... how complicated she loves to make her life... and she cud almost go any distance... to keep things.. not so simple? ...

food for thgt: is she so in line with the universe and its ways?...? and is this why she felt like my universe to me?? :) (what does she call it? the ironic smile?) :)

and it reminds me of my elegant quest to simplify my life... how he ridicules the idea and says.. i only talk of simplicity and dig for complexity...

moving back to kolkata talk (somehow.. too many posts seem to be mentioning cal... one ways or another?)

so yeah.. we were driving around... and then... wonder of wonders... a cat happened to cross our path... and he just stopped... bang in the middle of the road.. .in the right-most lane.. at 6pm... on a high-traffic rode.. until one of the cars over-took us.. and passed that pt :)

i think i have mentioned this once before also... but it is JUST as amazing.. JUST as amusing.. JUST as calcutta.. each time it happens..

truly... my city of JOY

There is a boss....

So... as the title tells the tale... this one is about work-man's woes....

moving along...

I have decided to quit my job... make a career in writing.... this is based on all the million comments left on my blog... and like she pointed out... HOW some blog's are sponsored... cos they're so good n so popular n so many ppl visit them n shit... and mine isn't... so it must mean... i'm some what like a cult-brand... very much an acquired taste.. and what not's :)

so yeah... coming back to writing... i will be introducing a whole new genre to books... (just this morning i was reading how jayasuriya was important to cricket.. cos he CHANGED the way openers bat...) I already feel important... thinking of myself as some-one who brought in a WHOLE NEW genre to writing...


So my genre's called... fRiction... NOTICE.. its NOT fiction... its fRiction...
fRiction... bascially fiction... based on people's lives... which rubs them the wrong way...

pretty novel idea I figured...

and the title of this post..... is the working title of this master-piece...

suddenly... i feel spent... like i'v already said all i had to... as usual.. the build-up is grand... and the end is abrupt :)

and i suddenly have nothing much left to say...

but well.. fRiction... awaits its first great master-piece.. some...day....


p.s. random trivia: i have not washed my hair in 4 days... cos of the ear infection... and its gotten so dirty... i almost feel like i am supporting some life.. through my hair... and some lil eco-system of filth must be developing up-there :)
i was always a giver ;)

so.. this would be the 100th post listed on this blog... its been a while.. since we started?

we've been through our fair-share of experiences... in these 2 yrs? when we started this journey.. around the time we were in manglore... who'd expected... to last this long.... or be here tonight?? in my personal 2bhk.. .as described in the previous blog :P

anyway.. this one is.. about my first love.... the city of JOY! ... and the reason that brought me here...

so all of you... may have heard the randomest of stories about the work-culture in kolkata... about how shops close in the afternoon for 3 hours... (so the shop-keeper can take a nap post lunch) or how they actually kick you out.. if you happen to be the last customer :)

now we shall try and share with you.. some 3-4... experiences... from organized setups... which make this experience... better.. more unique... and as usual.. very very spl..

1. so let's start at home right? our first floor office.. they actually shut-off all ac's at 6 PM!! goes without saying... ppl are not welcome to stay longer.. and those who are not efficient enough to finish their work in office hours... suffer ;)

2. our friendly neighbourhood office... gives employees a snack at 6ish.. so if you happen to stay THAT long at work... you feel sufficiently energized...

3. this one has been my favorite since a while ofcourse... about how at 4:40 one evening.. we were climbing up the stairs... after our daily dose of kulhad tea... and this man.. was leaving work... with bag et al.. and actually told her.. "Good night, i'll see you tmrw"

4. his office bldg lift... stops functioning post 7PM.. once again... to make those in-efficient... non-work-life-balance ppl.. suffer for their crimes!!

all of these... are made extra spl... when you factor in them cabbies... she says i'm ironic... but if a man can not even admire and laugh at the irony... of WORKing... in kolkata...

i think their sense of humor... had an unfortunate accident :)

a place called home...

so... last-night.. was the first night at home... this morning.. we woke up... fought with the cable guy... requested.. the geyser guy to come over... but this post is about pleasant things... so we start over :)

so last night was the first night at home... we sat up till about 4... arranging stuff... in the rooms...
opening up.. atleast the FMCG n toiletries.. even if the clothes are still lying around :)

then... we made up the bed... so we could sleep on it.. lol.. that's a first.. in 25 yrs....
so the bed was a lil stiff (we do need tht new mattress) it was a lil cold also.. we need to find out where them blankets are... the PILLOWS were missed... but this is home right? might not be perfect.. but its ours for keeps :P

then.. woke up by about 10.... and first.. put the curtains.. on the windows... to block that early morning sun...

so the bedroom got 3 curtains.. and the balcony got the only one left ...

then we made ourselves some hot tea.... good tea.. in our lovely.. home-trade coffee mugs... (will nostalgia ever quit?)

and then.. the tv is in the other bedroom.. which was much too far... so we ended up moving the tv.. till the door to that room.. blocking that room altogether... but making the tv visible from all places in the house.. :) :)

i think one of the coolest things about living alone is that one can actually watch VH1 24x7 without having to switch channels ;)


and... then.. we setup a little more in the house..
and then came the master-plan to power up the speakers :)
god bless music...

so we setup the woofer and the 2 speakers in the hall.. in a pyramid formation.. as they'd ONCE instructed... and plugged it into the laptop.. and as we sit on the stool.. typing this... gavin degraw croons...

I don't want to be

Anything other than what

I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

something so symbolic.. about the song that played at that very moment? :)

and then we fixed ourselves ... a big bowl of cereal and milk (course.. now i'm regretting not having a clue.. how much wud become too much) but being the good-kid.. we shall finish it anyway...

the to-do's for today.. (wrt the house)

1. get geyser fixed

2. get pillows

3. get shoe brush

4. get pillows

5. get mattress....

i doubt i'll do more than 2 of these.. but like ajay said.. every morning we make our to-do list.. to priortize and finish our work? ;)

living alone seems like an interesting experiment from now... if all comes crashing down.. shreeni my friend.. yr room to the rescue :)

and while we're being polite hosts... almost all of you who may happen to read this post... are very much invited to come on over... the tv-trolley shall move.. to open the doors to yr spare room:)

interesting times...

so...

we met online n i went...

hey... i'm coming to bby... why don't we meet up this time.... and it struck me.... this'd be the third metro... in as many months... in which we both happened to be at the same time...

and this wud also be the third time... i'd actually asked her to catch up with me... something about it.. is probably sad.. but something about it... was also SO.. not me...

i mean.. i don't think its sucha BIG-DEAL for this to happen..

and then.. you put it against the backgrnd of her 25 yrs in bby... my 24 yrs in bby... n thtz abt 49 man yrs... ONLY spent in a single city.. n maybe you will see the irony... i feel abt us having sucha opportunity..



on another note.... though these 2 posts weren't supposed to be merged... but wht the hell?

so... LOST right... all of my loved ones.. love it.. swear by it.. blah blah blah..

i've seen all 3 seasons... (3.. right?) not under peer-pressure or anything.. but under the curiosity.. of what about it.. is it.. that moves them to bits... trashes their emotions.. and makes them feel... jack's pain... kate's love... and sawyer's... whatever it is sawyer feels...

so.. i went through 3 complete seasons.. happy.. maybe impressed at times... but never particularly moved.... UNTIL ... we came to the end of season 3... last episode... last 3 mins..

jack.. looks like some1 who doesn't believe in the power of the razor... or in the capability of a barber... a state very familiar to mine... in the last 5 odd yrs.. i guess??

and... then he says...
i've been flying a lot..
the golden pass that they gave us.. i've been using it..
every friday night.. i'd fly from LA to tokyo.. or singapore.. sydney.. and then i get off.. and i have a drink... and i fly home...

she asks.. why?
he says... because i want it to crash katie...

and it just STRUCK ME... at that very moment... of a very familiar feeling... i feel... each time i take a flight... how tired... i am... how content i'd be... if the damn thing just crashed... and it was over.... in that one moment... i almost feel like i'v lived too long now... seen too much.... much too much...

thgt for today

so... in this tryst with creativity... on this day... when i'm tired of living... i have come up with another gem...

i wish.... i could just cease to exist.... like a bug-ridden program from the matrix... who someone would pull a plug-on!
no repercussions... no explanations.. no residue... no feelings... no after-effects :)

so.. who all came last night?

so... it was saturday night at the "beach" again..

i came up with this very interesting 3-d view of a saturday
Dinner
Drinks &
Dancing? ;)

nifty?? don't you think??

so post-dinner... as we moved into drinks....

he was already there...
she dropped out at the last min..
she came with us...
she feigned a head-ache... sadly... she doesn't like us as much anymore i think sometimes...

he was there as usual...
he happened to come there..
he also came in to kill some time...
and wonder of wonders we met him at that place!!

so the motley-crew in itself was quite SOMEthing.. .and then there was all that alcohol.. :)
and then there was the BAND! playin blues.. now we didn't even know.. we liked blues.. and so much... until we sat thru their performancE!

and then... it just wasn't about what they were playing...

imagine the band.. all of them middle-aged guys..

the vocalist with a super-animated face and an extremely happy expression.. making us all wish.... WE COULD BE THAT HAPPY WHEN WE WERE WORKING... but then.. thats the beauty of being a performer i guess??

his bassist... another very competent artist... and providing some killer vocals to half the songs.. the guy has more gray hair... wore a white shirt and jeans.. and a beer belly :)

and his fingers were dancing.. walking on them strings... creating magic... and he had the most bored expression on his face... an expression that said.. yr 21.. yr enjoyin the music.. u think i'm doing something spl... i'm 42... i earn my wage like this... i'v been here.. done this.. .one-time too many.. .its not an expression of defeat.. or something whcih says that... i shud've been more in life.. its just something... which says... what u consider magic... is part of my job.. and a daily occurrence for me :)

ther's somethin so spl when u see that in a person.. we're a nation starved for heroes anyway.. and he may not be a national hero.. but he was my hero for last night :)

and then we followed the familiar route...
to the room with the best view of howrah at 3 am....
to a dark room where parachutes begin and end...
to a familiar place that friends call home...
to all things dear and worth living for....

sometimes i wondered if he'll die alone...
he said worry abt yrself sonny...
i'm atleast not uncomfortable being alone :)

#1

Its so.... empty...
Somewhere..
Somehow...
Someone forgot us... but anyway?
Somestuff just happens
Sometimes..
Somewhat beyond our control?

Some.. .say... its Fate
in Someways.. they're right... but...

Somethings' gotta give!!

of dreams... of growing up...

so... i randomly asked her.. and we got thinkin... what did we want to be ... when we grew up... what were our plans.. as 5, 9 or 14 year olds... and where did we see ourselves when 25's...

so i asked her.. and she said she was what she wanted to be.... but this 1's about me.. for a change ;)

so... what did i want to be... when i grew up... unlike nitin sadly.. i had no clarity or focus... no pilot dreams for me..

and sadly.. or in characteristic my style.. i had specific ideas about vague things i wanted out of life...

like let's see... i walked into shoppers stop andheri.. in mid 90's? considering thats when i moved to andheri.. and i'v only shopped there.. for the last 10 yrs... and i knew back then... in school... that this is what we deserved in life... so maybe that is when the first thgt germinated... about making a career in retail... ofcourse... you all know.. (heheh.. considering no1 really comes arnd here lately, you all here.. r prolly all of my alter-ego's n imaginary frnds)... the difficulties tht came in the way of actually pursuing tht career as a dream.. but it did come thru some-how.. what with the summers at pantaloon... the final placement at spencer's... can a dream be any more fulfilled than this?

let's see the second part of my dream.. as a 14 yr old again... i wanted to live in an extra large house.. live-alone... with multiple rooms... there was this fascination with the whole idea that.. it has to have.. more than one bedrooms... something to do with excessive capacity.. or extra space or something... ofcourse we wanted this in a high-rise.. in our beautiful bldg opposite siddhi vinayak.. but well.. .cut to '07... here in cal.. ther's a 2bhk to myself... which is furnished... 2 room's.. 2 bed's... 2 ac's... sofa-set.. dining table... all of 1000 sq. ft.. hell its bigger than HOME back in bby...

these.. r the 2 thgts.. abt growin up... tht did come to mind... and suddenly.. when i see em... i feel i'v SO COMPLETELY accomplished em both.. so to speak?

and then... there is this feeling of emptiness somewhere.. or a sense of in-complete.. or a sense of.. whatever did i want this for? in my life? and funny thgts come to mind... but BIG words at the end which say... BE CAREFUL... WHAT YOU WISH FOR... IT JUST MIGHT COME TRUE ;)

Aqua Serene

So there were things to celebrate... and things to ponder over...
and we ended up in aqua...

setting - roof-top open lounge bar..... with a lit-up pool... with beach chairs around it just on one-side.. and leather cushioning on these beach chairs.... good lounge music playing thru a live-dj..
so we sat here... drank for hours... conversations flowed like the water in the pool.... and then we decided to call it a night and go home...
we went over to his house... the familiar beautiful old world of kolkata.... his house... with its mind-blowing view of my howrah bridge...

all the lights we'd switched off... just the stray lights coming from those endless windows...buzz from the booze.. heh.. i like this rhyme... and then... he put in that tape of parachutes.. and it strted... tht serene voice..... with those simple words.... and a lit cigarette... that room did not need much more... that place... did not need much more... our lives did not need much more.. than just that serene moment... where everything folded and closed down... nothing really mattered except 2 ppl... looking out of that window... sitting alone in a quite room at 3 in the morning... and listening to them perform... just for us :)

stray thgt - it scared me to think... how much courage it must have taken him... to have lived thru his life.. to have come up with those words... at this wise-old age.... any1 can paint a pretty picture at 16.... but by 25.. life-happens to you :) and then... you know... how the story goes :)

Stray weekend thgts...

Brilliance.... like sheer mediocricty is matter of a moment!

SO here's some toilet humour.. from an alleged 24 yr old... who apparently hasn't gotten any for long..

IF nothing.. maybe some 14 yr old's on the verge of puberty wud appreciate this work :)

#1
roses are red
violets are blue

when my groin aches
will you come through?

#2
back n forth... in n out..
i wait for you... to lick my mouth

you slam the door... and shut me out!!

Quote UnQuote

Just some stray thoughts...

- The most successful love stories are the unsuccessful ones.

- Greatness lies as much in all that you chose to not do, as in doing all that you can.

- Peace, which some call happiness and others pleasure, is not measured by how long it lasts, but by the intensity of the always fleeting moment in which it visits us.

i miss jpmc!

n those requests... and the glee-ful abandon... and the thrill of doing nothing really...

and the beautiful ladies maybe?

New realizations & beginnings

It tremendously aggrevated my sense of loss.. nostalgia struck me much harder... and the part in me which wants to cling to the comfort of the old really wanted to run back to the maximum city and claim... that.. which had been rightfully mine... all these 24 yrs... when i thought of how she would leave for college this morning... would go sit in a class.. snooze through a couple of lectures... and then go out on a coffee break.. chit-chat in the canteen.. get done sometime in the afternoon.. and come back to the comfort of home.. and have the whole evening to yet plan something with friends...

suddenly then... i am reminded.. that my day's in college stretched past-mid-night on most occassions.. also... the only bonding we did do.. was me n him... sitting on that lil ledge outside the canteen... with our sleepy-stoned looks.. unnecessarily long hair... loose clothes and a condescending attitude towards every mortal we could lay our eyes on..

the oblivion towards every mortal who could snatch a whiff of oxygen in that over-crowded space that was best meant for a batch of 100 and best utilized by scores of 16 yr old's instead..

the abondon of presentations... the pointlessness of theory... that had no practical application.. which is also sadly not very true.. when you actually start working... and the utter disdain with which we regarded all people that would take anything seriously or put too much effort into any important activity..

when the to-do lists of the day or week .. were about paying the credit card and phone bills.. the lies to tell to cover the inflated fuel bills (something tells me the bills will yet remain just as integral part of my life now.. as then) and which movie to see... with which of them... today.. there are no movies and there are no companions.. maybe its only fair?

and then suddenly.. through this cloud of nostalgia and feeling bad about all that we missed out on... as a silver-lining or maybe a whole new spin on life.. we see the reality of finally moving away from home.. finally renting out a 2bhk.. where you would live alone.. .and be responsible for locking the door.. shutting the taps and switching off the lights.. also... where you can lay down quitely in your bed and not have to think why will anyone come and ask you something.. and will you have to come up with an answer?

and then... the meeting new people.. who were so much fun.. that they so very easily become friends? of seeing new places and experiencing a new cities customs.. .from tram's to metro's...

of going to yet more interesting places and meeting yet more interesting people.. of broadening your horizons from a city to a country suddenly... of finding inter-connectivity at the national level ;) ;)

of people actually thinking you know something.. and your opinion really counts.. where there is a reward... even if only notional.. linked to the awareness or interest shown by people..

there's a lot of missing the old.. the comfortable.. the easy.. and there is just so much excitement of experiencing this new and observing the changes as they happen....

from being a sad post... about missing my dhiraj cuppa.. this post is suddenly enjoying the kulhad tea and jhal-mudi!

Ode to home...

the last sprint down marine drive
the last drinkin binge of a night
the last night with friends...
the last sun-set

the last sound sleep
in the comfort of my bed

the last warm glass of milk
early in the morning

the last of waking up without alarms!
no gleeful abandon and carelessness

the last drive....
oh so swift....

the last of... student life
of life-long friends...
of relationships and memories

of bumping into acquaintances
every corner and street

the last of lasts
the new shall now last

n i may move physically geographies
but my soul from this city.. shan't depart!

a year to last...

the times are changing
the winds accelarating

its not that they have changed direction
we never knew where we were going anyway..

its dark outside and dark within
i'm searching for that voice
but it's all quite still

when they walk that fast
they're slowing us down

the quick-sand sucks
and i can hear her complain

the black is shining brightly
shimmering and reflecting light

their spirits are so high
n they all passed away noiselessly

the continuity so jarring
the noise so serene


it's been a good year
and it shall cost a LOT!

So... what makes you interesting...

At about 2:15 AM... roughly 3.5 hours back.. i was on my way home...
being Saturday night... near amar there was a significant crowd of post-partying eaters... having skipped dinner even i was quite hungry... and the good ol' bhurji-pav seemed so enticing.. but i pretty much decided to not eat road-side...

and then by the time i got on to the high-way... i msgd him anyway.. about how i missed those good ol' days.. and the good ol' bhurji... and he called back and said.. why don't i come over and we'll all go for bhurji.. since both of them were also not upto too much!!

At 2:26 AM... being exactly 3 mins away from my building i wondered if i should turn-around...
and with it being 2:30 anyway... there was nothing to rush home for... and my grumbling stomach did demand some gratification... so we did turn-around :)

and we picked them up from their building... the pyjama-party with laptops... and off the trio went.. in the general direction of juhu... deploring the youth of today... their drunken driving escapades... and feeling ol' as usual....

mid-way through the bhurji-pav... some part of bhurji reached her eye instead of her mouth... and all-HELL broke lose... and then she was screaming.. and in the process of givin her water to wash her eyes... we spilt 500 ml of Thumbs-UP under my car seat... and also saved her eye in the mean-while... finally having found that bottle of water and washed the food-out!

then we moved on to the Marriott for a coffee-break.. after all that action... apparently we needed somethings to calm us down...

weird as it seems good ol' friends were also at Marriott.. though they'd all left by the time we finally did come aroud..:)

and then there was this bonding... with old stories and anecdotes… and the usual talk of this that and the other… we discussed his in-significance in his life … about how connected this city life is (as usual) and when we thought we’d had enough of this.. that and the other…

we dropped them back… and came back home…

I wonder if any of this made the evening any better or makes for an interesting read…

But given a choice between all that is said above… and parking the car in the parking lot at 2:30 … I wonder how I’d chose to spend those 3 hrs of my life… given a second chance?

Rhyme Scheme?

This is a Toy...
For i am a Boy
With no concept of Joy!

I fly in the Day
I've lied all the Way
Cos i don't know what to Say!
Come lets go play?

The Name of the Game
To always stay the Same

To talk when you Can
Cry if she.... Ran?

Its now late-Night
So... sweetie... Sleep-Tight!!

Rambling on...

#1
the thought is not
the touch isn't!

sometimes when i really sit down to think
even a lifetime really wouldn't

but its the empty chase
the endless phase
the look on your face
and this perpetual race
we're losing the
Winnings!!


#2
its not alone
they're singing his song
red blood met blue
and everything went wrong

i'm listening to the sea
its not talking to me?

along with the rough rain...
we'll soon see its end!

Management lessons from Omkara...

Maybe it happened... b'coz i've been studying mgmt for half-a-decade now... maybe it was just there to be seen... this once...

so i was watching Omkara.. and somehow... all along in the movie.. i thgt it had lessons on sucession planning.. or the lack of it.. and its importance...

like right at the beginning when saif is side-stepped.. and no1 talks to him abt it.. there's a dis-gruntled middle mgr.. (who essentially fucked e-thing up)

then with the whole song n dance sequence... where vivek fucks up... no1 took care to clearly mentor yr newly promoted mgrs..

and the problem... as alwsys lies right at the top.. where the bosses didn't take enough trouble to just ensure.. their ppl were managed efficiently n effectively... and i guess they paid the price by destroyin the whole pipe-line of future leaders..

maybe i am seeing mgmt into this. coz my thgts r tainted now or something.. with all this talk of MBA..but those 3 hrs sure felt like mgmt-talk to me!

right investments!

This isn't so much about the stock-market, because i don't understand how it works anyway. Its a lot more about investing time, effort, money and your feelings in people and friends.

Money is not a big deal, i've always believed in it. Thus, financial investments.. in stocks or people are not that big a deal...

But investing in people, exposing ourselves to them and letting ourselves be vulnerable around them is so much power given to an external source. Like our various OB discussions, this is an external locus of control (not good).

Investing in people fucks-up further when you think about how volatile the investment is, how easily all of it can result in naught and disappear without a trace.

We yet carry on, meeting new people investing in them.. exposing ourselves... usually getting disappointed....

...and then the churh next to home says
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails to return a dividend"

A summer of Discontent!

Its been a while since I call this summer just that… and then I got thinking about well… summers and me… from the time… when each summer we’d go down to the native place, meet all those cousins… travel around states spending a couple of days with almost everyone and that scorching heat… those 2 wheeler rides… the crazy stuff some of those guys did do… and which I was party to

And then there are the times when being born and brought up here in Bombay… I’d get very conscious of seeing any form of insects around me… or about not getting my favorite biscuits or something in those towns.. or even magi seemed like sucha welcome relief and familiar feeling back then…. All of these things back then… were of paramount importance.. the be-all and end all of the stay there and top priority and expectation…

When I compare it to this summer… if I did leave this town.. my first worry would be, how many of these faces will I not be able to see for how long.. will I have my cell phone with me… will there be internet connectivity at that place… suddenly in my own little way it seems like a global village which I find very hard to abandon or miss…. Which is then such a sad compromise… when compared to the glee-ful abandon with which I left this place in those days.. how I looked forward to a new set of discoveries back home, and a new crop of stories to share with people here…

Suddenly I think… this is the only place that I even consider home… and don’t want to lose touch from these people … don’t want to miss out on their time or their lives… it all seems pretty weird… the transition from the family by birth… to the family of choice…

Somewhere along this trip … somewhere along all these thoughts from the past… I almost forgot all the things that make this summer so messed up… and then I wonder how much of this will even be considered next summer or hold any meaning……

and the last time i felt complete....

was the day kashish died...

may the may's enrich her life... like they once enriched mine

Will Mahajan Survive?

Maybe a topic of this nature deserves more mature treatment… maybe this is the mature treatment we wish for it to have... Maybe what I’m writing is just the outcome of the tremendous strain, that my exams; which I’ll barely pass... have put me into

So anyway when I read about pramod mahajan being shot at by his brother... I found the news fascinating in some ways... I don’t know how many people follow news or Indian politics in my generation… it is after-all very redundant over sensationalized anyway...
So if pramod mahajan is shot the interesting thing that struck me is… after quite a few yrs… a young BJP leader is shot (I wonder who’s idea of young is a man of 56 [2 yrs from retirement if he were in a government job] ) anyway.. point being congress is familiar with this scenario having lost their young guns in madhavroa scindia and rajesh pilot… even the jundal.. though I dunno where his political allegiance lay, while I’m sure if it wasn’t with congress it would have been before his career ended…

So yes… coming back to the point… congress always loses young leaders… its their thing I think.. they lost rajiv and sanjay after-all.. what could be more congress anyway..

Whereas BJP seems to be the one to retain this talent… now whether mahajan lives or dies might just help us understand if the phenomenon is Congress specific or all pervasive…

Ofcourse another semi-interesting point that struck me in the course of my ramblings is that… bjp is in the opposition now… when pilot, scindia and rajiv died.. congress was in opposition.. maybe its just an opposition thing to do?

Sea Rocks!

I'm very slowly barbecued
as their loud laughter
pierces my defences...

they're relishing the process
as i'm slowly turned over
evenly cooking every brain cell

its not only
their voices
their actions
or their thoughts

its their being
that leaves a bad taste in my mouth

its not like i'm
asking them to make sense
expecting them to be sane
or hoping for miracles

all i want to do is go HOME!

6/4/6
21:00

For 7 years is a LONG time...

The Body - A Marvel

Its amazing the kind of energy reserves our body has. This afternoon after under-going the most strenuous work-out I was exhausted, dead-tired and thought at 8pm… that this would indeed be a good time to sleep… the evening then… as it slowly led to the dim-dark... was my first leg of this evening.

Then ofcourse came the time spent on writing intelligent sounding words and bonding with friends, over a drive-home then a dinner followed by a dessert and some general talk. That was then part two of this evening.

Finally, with a few more hours on that form, a few words to pacify a restless mind and a few more stray thoughts later… I am sitting on my home PC at 5:36 AM… roughly 10 hours after I was dying to sleep… and yet wide awake…

What amazes me isn’t the fact that so much happened in the last 10 hours… I guess if you’re up sufficiently long, you will go through multiple experiences… but just the fact that the body has so much reserve energy in store which can so effortlessly kick-in to ensure that when push comes to shove… we can thrust hard ;)

the mornin' after

actually there wasn't a mornin after... unless 4pm can yet be called morning..

anyway... sleeping for 12 hrs straight after atleast 24 days if not more.. felt very very nice...

knowing that i have no dead-line approaching or nothing new to take care of.. or pester someone to finish off some work also felt very nice

knowing that all i had to do for this yr is essentially done.. and ppl may find my work less than perfect and may complain.. but most of it.. might only be rantings in hind-sight.. which have no real immediate implications or alterations to be done from my side.. again.. felt-nice

basically... knowing that i could wake up to a morning of no dead-lines and do nothing all day felt-nice...

i went for a movie with her then... after so many days.. and its pleasureable as ever.. to be in her company.. and we broke a jinx.. which had gone on for yrs.. of never seeing a good-film together.. a jinx that went through films like deham, shallow hal, matrix3, bourne identity... chai pani etc... basically spanning almost 4-5 yrs now...

and then a quite dinner at home.. even if its not that cosy and not so homely just now....

it is just good to have this break.. good to not have too much to do...

good to be able to read and write again...

good to be back!

empty thoughts...

No one owns bombay like the stray dogs and the slum-dwellers!

nothin-r'ships

its something i have come across... more so in the last few years... i think... that relationships have stopped becoming so official and people are much more open about the idea of liking someone and yet much more weary of commitment or entering something concrete.

maybe this is because we're (or ppl in my circle) are at an age where commitment becomes a much bigger deal.. and no1 is really fuckin' arnd anymore... maybe it stems from the fact that all of us have definitely had our first few r'ships.. so there is no puppy-lovin left...

anyway... the amount of nothin-r'ships that i see around me... far out-number the ppl in serious r'ships.. and i no longer am certain when some1 says they're single.. coz the thgt of another nothin r'ship comes arnd... i guess what makes em so popular is their lack-of-form or freedom.. some are into a nothin r'ship.. coz they fear commitment.. .some reach it as a residue stage from their previous r'ship... some reach it coz they dun wanna be alone n yet dun really wanna be with tht person.. .and some are just there.. i guess...

amazing how the dynamics of society change and how new concepts are invented to fill the gaps in these...

the perfect day!

it started with bad-grades... well... considering all the ingredients to this semester... bad-grades was the only logical conclusion.. anyway… after that we had that mammoth planning meeting to redeem ourselves...

a few hours later we planned a movie.. to kill the time.. and in sync with the theme of the day... it was the most mind-less, the most point-less movie i have ever seen.. and it was so bad that despite the money we were spending.. we walked out... mid-day now that hasn't happened since that time in Pinki forever back.. and never really happened for a English film.. ever..

then ofcourse.. someone mistook it to be a picturesque night.. and we decided to go for a drive... just to enjoy the view... she spun almost out as the mind raced farther... then ofcourse after a futile drive.. the road was dug-up.. so no view to enjoy.. and no place to part.. and just about as we were about to hit the rd... the license was missing and to eschew trouble… we headed back home..

ofcourse somewhere in the course of the night the equilibrium was also destroyed… for the first time in 2 weeks and the next day was one of those only days with a day-long headache

Guess this wasn’t the most popular Saturday after-all

this night, that year!

it started with a random after-work drive.. Which was meant to drop em home.. and then we started looking for food jst coz hunger struck.. and then we started drifting aimlessly... found some food .. but barely anything... soon we decided to travel to town...

and the roads were but-empty... with Tuesday morning approaching and the auspiciousness of walking-up-to-the-gods!!!!

we re-discovered worli-sea-face... HLL training centre.. empty buildings.. empty roads.. lots of interesting discussions of her and her and HER?

him and her and them together and us and back and forth...

we wanted to buy a couple of buildings in-between… good property deserves better owners ofcourse..

The hoarding read
“the youth leaders in parliament start at 60”
Is the emphasis on youth?

So… you think I should be a banker or do something with CCS
What difference does it make yaar, … if u go banking or alternate?...
Bastard for once stop thinking about yourself I am asking you what do you think I should do… don’t look at my life in terms of YOU
But isn’t that what really matters?
*(Y$*(@Y$@(*Y%({Y%

A few minutes later… we were on SB rd. Colaba – 5, from Andheri (E)-93…
And then we turned around for a quick coffee, a look at the beautiful abstraction of a shop called “atmosphere”
Does anyone know what this shop, right next to the Gateway of India sells?

We were just headed back when it struck us that the station will offer much need food and then there was Bun-maska, tea! Bhurji-pav… there is a god.. and he blesses us all!

On the way back the discussion went on to more interesting topics like being open to new people, traveling, working in teams... food wakes us up after-all

I am very tolerant of diversity and my interests have been aligned accordingly like traveling, working with various groups etc.
I am also very tolerant to diversity
Being okay about various contradicting opinions you have is not really the same as being tolerant to diversity

And then we twilighted home…

Arranged Vs Love

This has somehow been a topic of discussion or relevance for me since the age of 18... maybe cause the woman i was in love with... was so hell-bent on gettin arranged...

so anyway... we're debating this for 45 mins... voices rising, discussions getting passionate... what about individual liberty... what about what your parents.. they have raised you for so many yrs.. but its your life.. but you can't dissociate from the emotional attachment to the family just like that.. but if they decided to have you for whatever reasons.. don't they have a duty to raise you... it had pretty much reached a fuck-you stage.. where you believe in your theories and i'll believe in mine.. no two people have to always concur after-all... civilized society only asks for people to be able 2 accept other people's opinions.

So after all these moral pleas' of individual liberty, moral righteousness and how we should not compromise on things we believe in… I just decided to share his opinion on all of this… after-all the discussion had started because he had an opinion on this…

“She’ll tell you she has a moral obligation towards the family… you have to convince her… by telling her… imagine… if we get married and then we have children the atmosphere in the house will be filled with so much love… so much promise… you will tell the kids… their children (your grand-kids) stories of our court-ship… and how there were so many firsts and how our families finally agreed and you will be spreading so much happiness… don’t you owe that to our children and their children… isn’t that then… much greater than what we owe just our parents”

That worked… worked better than I have heard a woman seem agreeable in almost 8 yrs of mouthing my usual lines…

work and its worth-less-ness

i read this very interesting article as i had a few hours and more to kill..
http://www.zpub.com/notes/black-work.html
this article.. reminded me of so many things i believe in... like work isn't really the be-all-end-all.. it also reminded me of a very old article...
http://www.zpub.com/notes/idle.html
which had struck up quite a conversation a few winters back...

anyway.. some of the key lessons and questions that arose out of both the essays for me were... if we do improve in technology & advance.. why couldn't just a few ppl work towards subsistence and the rest try to do something better with their lives... how are progressing if we are all in the rat race...

and i really liked these lines.. for they finally bring to fore something i have always believed in... the uselessness of financial institutions and instruments..

i mean what person in their sane frame of mind needs all those mutual funds and bonds, the derivatives & commodity markets... nationalised and local and other such banks...

"Forty percent of the workforce are white-collar workers, most of whom have some of the most tedious and idiotic jobs ever concocted. Entire industries, insurance and banking and real estate for instance, consist of nothing but useless paper-shuffling. It is no accident that the "tertiary sector," the service sector, is growing while the "secondary sector" (industry) stagnates and the "primary sector" (agriculture) nearly disappears. "

then the lil thought about how nero would've actually turned out alright if he was allowed to.. at a younger age... in a lesser degree to practise animal slaughter (by working in a slaughter house) thus killing his fascination over the damn thing!

point being.. as we all know.. things are curable if addressed at an earlier age and being proactive about such issues is very much possible.. it doesn't even take a genius to figure these things out...
as entertaining or interesting the lives of such freaks would be.. .we might be making much better use of our time and resources if we spent it just treating these individuals better

very similar to the kind of outlook some of us hope or expect the indian society to take towards sex and relationships amongst individuals of the opposite sex... especially in places like North India.. .maybe then we'd not have our capital as the rape capital of the country atleasT!

givin' up....

Giving up.. ought to be one of the most difficult lessons to learn... giving up not on what you believed in or strived towards... but giving up on the probable outcome of the effort put in...

since its so difficult to practice... the rewards are equally brilliant... like if you give up on the result and pursue the activity just for the pure pleasure of play... it can sometimes be more rewarding than the plan intentioned.

he experienced it... when he did euphoria... he experienced it also when sittin there after 2yrs of prep the math section looked to be printed in greek.. ofcourse one outcome was positive and one of them otherwise.. but then.. like the wise men say.. after putting in your honest best efforts there is very little you can do.. except hope for the best.. and that is why it becomes so important to let go... give up and not hope or wish or pray that things work out your way.. cos they will only work out the way they have to.. but by not expecting you rid yourself of the pressure the expectation and thus the disappointment.

here's to giving up on a few more things in life.. so what if the investment was another yr of my life!

You're Ruining yourself!

one of the best compliments i've recieved this yr... or in a few yrs now..

and the giver did not even know.. what all the taker took in that 1 simple line...

ruining my life over so many people and so many things that if we could realistically remove all of these variable i'd be a lot less ruined and a lot more happy.

Good-bye

dream analysis....

she n i used to play dream analysis once upon a time... it was fun n it was played seldom n it threw up interesting connotations...

like she dreamt about killing, teeth falling, my dreams though are always out-of-context.. yet never really way too unbelievable or un-realistic.. except for the time kareena n abhishek came home for a meal n i dropped them back in my zen.. and for some non-apparent reason they ensured by doing stupid things.. my zen had only 2 doors left.. i've never really had the heart to analyze that dream ofcourse.. its lying in cold storage... this isn't about that dream anyway :P

last night.. rather this morning at 7:30 i had a dream... she came to my house.. upstairs.. and i was gently kissing her lips.. and just getting comfortable.. when the alarm rang and i woke up :) (all good things come to an end... abruptly and just when you're starting to enjoy them :P)

anyway... now frued says.. when you have a physical dream about someone.. you're in love with that person.... and... umm... indian lore.. or whatever part of it i have been exposed to... says.. early morning dreams.. tend to come true.. rather often...

interesting food for thoughT!