Wednesday, October 14, 2009

the money's!

so... today i sat in a meeting... with ms. dollar S...

WHATHEFUCKJUSTHAPPEND!

DOLLAR?

you mean richie rich's DOG?

the currency of the US of A?

NO SILLY !

this is a lady in my office...

i mean SERIOUSLY?

anyway... since meetings have a spirit of their own... & a mind & life of their own...

these thgt's came thru...

so her children might be cents & pennies?

cousin's would be... euro... pounds & rupees?

niece's & nephews would be?? pence? paise? and the list is well end-less depending on how many currencies you like!

everybody loves money i suppose... but trust the neighbourhood Gujrati man... to best find a way to express his love...

i SHUDDER at the thgt of ... what ms.. $ may have gone through in the early teens & onwards!

the half-stifled laugh... gains a whole new meaning from this vantage point...

i somewhere in some weird way want to say.. atleast they were honest! but not really man! they ruined a life... Jeremy's no folk-legend after-all...

i shall wait for redemption day :)

when i met kanhaiya!

3 long weekends in a row... almost seemed too good to be true... yeah?

first... folks were coming into town.. fair.. enough... they had to see things around here!

second... she was gonna come down... visit her sis n me.. perfect.. 3 days of partying...

n last... i was going to goa... taking 1 day extra chutti...

it was a 5 day goa trip planned... i'd already told him also... i'll take my first holiday... in this new job.. how cud he have said NO anyway... the tickets were booked... fairly cheap as well! all was going as per planned! then as usual... SHE happened! much too familiar.. isn't this? i think SO!

so... we were supposed to be in Goa... the same.. weekend.. she with her friends... me with mine.. and we'd all chill or something.. but that'd be too simple... too ideal.. or just not something that happens in MY LIFE!

so she switched her goa & b'lore weekends... typical? almost...

which meant i had a 3 DAY WEEKEND with NO PLAN... ALONE in BANGALORE! boy that weekend wasn't my favoritE! course.. the one i wrote about... b4 this post.. clearly found a way to 1-up & more that weekend... it also meant... that i was in GOA the exact time she was here...

so.. then... i had a backup bus-tickt ready... for the night.. then as the day came closer... work.. continued to pile-on.. even the boss said.. "boy... save some money... take the bus tonight instead of the afternoon flight"

and then it strted... @ 10 that night.. .the bus journey to goa... supposed to be there in 12 hrs straight! so... the bus had a flat-tired @ 8 am.. something.. which i slept thru... @ about 10:30.. we stopped at kamat's... supposedly... for b'fast break... n were about to start again.. then we hear the news.. .that there's floods a few kms ahead.. and we can't go nowhere! the bus guys.. took us to the nearby train station... only to find... the train hadn't come... all day & the next one was scheduled for 11PM that night... clearly an option ruled out... @ 11AM...

so we all.. came back to kamat's.. .and were joined by half-a-dozen buses more... for the 1st couple of hours.. i just cooled my heels in the bus... i mean y bother going n struggling if there are already 10 odd young couples dying to do it anyway.... then suddenly by 1:30 i wondered if i'd be the only one left behind herE!!

that's when i got introduced to Kanhaiya... my 50 yr old...neighbour on the bus that ONCE was... so... then... v all talked n stood arnd.. n so on.. then some adventurous lot... got 3-4 cars on hire.. .found an alternate route.. n left with their girls... after-all safety of the women was more imp they said! suddenly 'twas me.. Kanhaiya.. n a few other random ppl left...

Me n Kanhaiya decided... it was the right time to strt hitch-hiking... so both of us.. took out our bags... n strted walking in the rain.. with Goa abt 200 kms away.. .n a flooded road in btwn.. we were clearly being hopeful :)

so after about 25 failed attempts.. we finally hitchiked a ride in an ancient truck.. which also dropped us.. only after going 3 kms ahead.. cos the road was blocked... @ this junction.. we bonded with a cop.. for abt 20 mins.. who really wondered what was such pressing business in Goa.. that v'd brave torrential rains... and take off... walking!

anyway.. so it turns out... the road was blocked... cos the army was trying out some "sea bird operation" and dug up or something... ironically... that was the name of my bus svc as well!

anyway.. seeing our urge to carry on .. the cop recommended.. we take a bus to a de-tour town.. abt 5 hrs away.. n then take a bus / train from there.. since v'd be sufficiently away from the flood zone! n coz this road surely wasn't opening tonight! so v set-off in an ST bus.. n 5 hrs later.. reached this new town... to figure out.. there was no bus goin till after 10 pm.. .the train was @11.. n a cab would come around 10 pm also.. so with 2 hrs to kill min.. me n kanhaiya.. figured... let's go grab some dinner n drinks! if i haven't mentioned this yet... all of this... was happening on 2nd oct... a dry day... but what's the pt of being in an Indian-small-town if you can't break the rules... so we got 2 quarters of RC for ourselves :) n then a good dinner... n then retired... into the General compartment of our train to goa!

only to realize... the adventure was for from over! so apparently.. half of our train went to goa.. n the other half to delhi.. from a stn 2 hrs away... needless to say... v were in the wrong half! also... the general.. dabba meant.. v had the distinction of travelling with insects... spiders... n friendly neighbourhood cockroaches! anywho... somehow... sitting up.. those 2 hrs... passed... v got off @ launda.. jn... got into the ac-3-tier... n bribed the TC to give us some berths to sleep on... after some haggling when he finally relented.. the man says! "i've been on this route for 17 yrs! for the first time in my service here... today... the second AC has gone FULL!"

Like he taught us yesterday... what do we want to give you as take-aways from this one?

- Kanhaiya our man... had a GREAT spirit @ 50! n really helped us get to goa... even if only for 36 hrs.. after travelling for 36 hrs!

- at the under-belly of the well-oiled, smooth, swanky India that shines... lies the real-india.. which can very easily surface.. at the slightest of problems that may occur.. no real calamity needed... so really... our progress is only skin-deep!

at best one can hope... they don't have to come face-to-face with the reality of how BITTERLY India shines... at the seams... too often :)


Saturday, October 10, 2009

spirit of bangalore!

so... since last weekend was goa... and most of my friends... weren't around.. this weekend... till about now.. had had no alcohol in it... which... in OTHER cities.. is not sucha big deal.. but the spirit of b'lore takes offence... to there being no spirits in YR weekend!

so.. after a night.. when nothing really happnd... i was driving back home.. from the friends place.. n i stopped over for paan... opp hard rock.. n then.. there were a bunch of cops.. chkin for alcohol ahead.... i figd.. no big deal! here i am.. i've not had alcohol since the rum maggi experiment failed on thursday... whats to worry! n then.. i went thru the breath-analyzer... post the preliminary test.. the cops asked me to step out of the vehicle n blow air into their breath-analyzer (now with a straw) n GUESS WHAT! it shows 70% alcohol in my breath (normal level, @ which they let u walk away is 20%) so... i'm flabbergasted! WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? AND HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE ! I HAVE NOT HAD ALCOHOL IN 36 HOURS! MY MAN!!

anyway... since its the IT CITY we are in... we're ALL technologically enabled.. so their breath analyzer worth 90k is imported from germany (father-land pays and father-land takes it away) tells them.. that i'm QUITE drunk... and i'm talkin to about half a dozen cops who're @ this junction.. ALL agree.. i'm not exactly drunk... n i'm walking n talking fine.. but their machine says.. i'm drunk... AND ITS RIGHT! so.. one man.. takes his blackberry.. takes down my car number & contact details.. then we head over to his bike.. where he brings out a pocket printer & course.. his bb has sent all the details to this... and so has the breath analyzer.. n he took a print-out of a court case against me..!

the man says.. "come to court on monday 11am.. appear before the magistrate... and tell him you didn't drink, appoint a lawyer.. who can fight your case" and i'm like SERIOUSLY! why are you doing this to me... ofcourse he had nothing to say.. then we spoke for a little more.. he asked for my driving license & RC book.. (since i didn't have the original RC book) he goes.. pls deposit the car @ the police stn... and take it back on monday.. once the case is resolved... n suddenly ALARM BELLS started ringing in my head! its one thing to false accuse me and make me pay a fine.. its ANOTHER to take away my car from me.. n i protested more.. about how i did not drink.. but by the end of it.. the handful of cops.. were fairly irritated with me.. and didn't want to hear anymore.. and said.. deposit the car n fuck-off boy!

so.. since there really was.. no solution to all of this mess.. i figd.. i'd go drop the car.. so me n this cop.. strted drivin towards the police stn... v spoke a bit.. n he essentially told me.. if the machine says yr drunk.. yr DRUNK boy!! n then.. he took down my address n other details.. i tried to understand from him.. what happens in the court.. n he says.. u can accept yr guilty.. n pay btwn 1600-2000 or protest.. .get yrself a lawyer.. n fight yr case.. OBVIOUSLY this means... pay the money.. n get on with life.. this on a MONDAY @ 11 AM... with no real line-of-sight of HOW LONG this might last on the said monday... n i'm like.. there has to be a better way to do this...

since i'd spent abt 15 mins with this cop... n he seemed fairly ok.. .with me being an innocent victim of the fatherland tech glitch.. i asked.. if i cud jst pay the court fine to him.. and get out.. he had some pity.. and agreed for it! so i told him.. pls come with me to the ATM & let's close this.. v go to the ATM & wonder of wonders... the bank a/c for which i have a card doesn't have the funds.. n the other cards are home... so... i came back to the car.. opened my laptop.. which i HAPPENED to be carrying for some random reason... n e-banked money into my said account... which obviously took.. WAY longer than it's supposed to.. cos i was standing besides a cop...

then @ 1215.. it finally gave in.. and the transaction happnd... i withdrew the money... paid the cop... he requested me to drop him back to hardrock.. n gave his phone no.. to collect the receipt on monday.. while getting off he goes.. " i'm sorry to fine you.. wrongly... but since the machine detected your breath with alcohol a case is already registered online & we are unable to cancel it, it's not because we want to harass you... but we can't make a decision here"

as much as i hated the situation i also understood and agreed with what the man had to say... since there was nothing better to say or do... i came home... opened a can of fosters draught.. and started typing this! since clearly... the spirit of bangalore was offended i had had a DRY weekend!