happy 2007

s so... we try to review a year... which started with breakfast at shiv sagar (juhu)?

funny... how much we take the familiar for granted... in our present tense :)

a year... which was all about change... a year.. maybe more significant.. than the 24 before it... that in itself.. loads the yr with so MUCH baggage.. .but then a stray thgt says.. these changes have just begun... and who know how much more will be different.. and how many more important yrs are to come by.. anyway.. to stop philosophising.. and start reviewing..

a yr that saw us get placed... in dear ol' retail... the roller-coaster... which ensured this.. is one i guess... which you had to experience to believe... but then.. there is something romantic about fulfilling a long cherished dream!

a yr tht saw us travel... with friends to goa... all of north & shimla... to shingapur.... to kolkata... to rest of north for work.... to china... and other such south east....
this... for a boy.. who was born n happily brought up... in the beautiful city of bby... who jst abt travelled north (home) and to gujarat 4 a yr... is quite a LOT to fathom!

a yr.. that saw us... setup a brand new home.. .for ourselves... in the city of kolkata... oh what a joy it is... to fall in love with a new city... and discover it with a new set of ppl...

a yr of work.. yr of responsibilities.. of all things new... oh so new.. so much freedom... and so many questions :)...
a yr of a car... tht almost was and was-not.... feels lucky now...
a yr... where i spent an afternoon with her... i think... more time... than in 8 long yrs.. heh

a yr of... 7 months away from home... and 7 trips home :P its almost like.. i may have moved.. but the umblical chord... has almost not snapped yet...

a yr tht ended.. in the only way... was appropriate... for sucha yr to end... in gurgaon... away from both home's... and with some old n new friends :)
(this mind you... would be the first new yrs eve.. i've spent out of bby city-limits... a fact tht even amazes me.. right now) :)

its hard to put a finger on how the yr was... how much we liked or hated it.. and how much we wished for it to pan out differently... but i guess... at the stroke of midnight... when 2007 began... nothing any1 wud have said.. .cud have prepared us for any of this...

Silenced by the Storm

so.... its sometime in december.... sometime in the evening on a full-moon night...
this being calcutta winters... anytime in the evening is very very dark :)

and... we walk aroudn streets.. feeling a lil cold n cosy.. in a jacket.. with an ipod...

after a lil bit... we hit the terrace of our beloved bldg...

sit on the ledge... balancing on the lil terrace wall... n listen to the ipod... staring at the full-moon....

and there is a quiet.... in a still city.. with a mild winter... and semi-lit roof-tops... and music streaming... a quiet and peace... un-paralleled... experienced... once before... on a beach... at the 2 am's.... with waves crashing against life.... and me being the only self in sight.... (this english seems too richaisque... sadly)

so anyway... amazing thgt.. tht peace... is only mildly experienced... when u hit the roof...

anyway.. all of this is coming off very badly.. i don't think i can write today... so fuck it :)

that's what She Said...

she said...

let's start a radio-show... you and i... and the aim-less banter which continues anyway...

this... after she'd said... how she genuinely liked my voice.. and how i should consider the option of becoming an emcee?

this... when i think of... how much she loved hearing me... how much she has heard my voice... and how much of a first impression it inverably makes :)

anyway... moving along... last night brought some interesting insights..

he said... think of the big-bang... and from every point there on... the universe and all things small.. that are a part of it.. try ... to complicate themselves... become more complex... its the state they try to achieve... i could ofcourse state his examples here.. and drive the point home... but then you would not think about this... almost like i did not.... but... i'll let you think this 1 for yrself..

and as i processed what was said... it reminded me of her... how complex she is... how complicated she loves to make her life... and she cud almost go any distance... to keep things.. not so simple? ...

food for thgt: is she so in line with the universe and its ways?...? and is this why she felt like my universe to me?? :) (what does she call it? the ironic smile?) :)

and it reminds me of my elegant quest to simplify my life... how he ridicules the idea and says.. i only talk of simplicity and dig for complexity...

moving back to kolkata talk (somehow.. too many posts seem to be mentioning cal... one ways or another?)

so yeah.. we were driving around... and then... wonder of wonders... a cat happened to cross our path... and he just stopped... bang in the middle of the road.. .in the right-most lane.. at 6pm... on a high-traffic rode.. until one of the cars over-took us.. and passed that pt :)

i think i have mentioned this once before also... but it is JUST as amazing.. JUST as amusing.. JUST as calcutta.. each time it happens..

truly... my city of JOY

There is a boss....

So... as the title tells the tale... this one is about work-man's woes....

moving along...

I have decided to quit my job... make a career in writing.... this is based on all the million comments left on my blog... and like she pointed out... HOW some blog's are sponsored... cos they're so good n so popular n so many ppl visit them n shit... and mine isn't... so it must mean... i'm some what like a cult-brand... very much an acquired taste.. and what not's :)

so yeah... coming back to writing... i will be introducing a whole new genre to books... (just this morning i was reading how jayasuriya was important to cricket.. cos he CHANGED the way openers bat...) I already feel important... thinking of myself as some-one who brought in a WHOLE NEW genre to writing...


So my genre's called... fRiction... NOTICE.. its NOT fiction... its fRiction...
fRiction... bascially fiction... based on people's lives... which rubs them the wrong way...

pretty novel idea I figured...

and the title of this post..... is the working title of this master-piece...

suddenly... i feel spent... like i'v already said all i had to... as usual.. the build-up is grand... and the end is abrupt :)

and i suddenly have nothing much left to say...

but well.. fRiction... awaits its first great master-piece.. some...day....


p.s. random trivia: i have not washed my hair in 4 days... cos of the ear infection... and its gotten so dirty... i almost feel like i am supporting some life.. through my hair... and some lil eco-system of filth must be developing up-there :)
i was always a giver ;)

so.. this would be the 100th post listed on this blog... its been a while.. since we started?

we've been through our fair-share of experiences... in these 2 yrs? when we started this journey.. around the time we were in manglore... who'd expected... to last this long.... or be here tonight?? in my personal 2bhk.. .as described in the previous blog :P

anyway.. this one is.. about my first love.... the city of JOY! ... and the reason that brought me here...

so all of you... may have heard the randomest of stories about the work-culture in kolkata... about how shops close in the afternoon for 3 hours... (so the shop-keeper can take a nap post lunch) or how they actually kick you out.. if you happen to be the last customer :)

now we shall try and share with you.. some 3-4... experiences... from organized setups... which make this experience... better.. more unique... and as usual.. very very spl..

1. so let's start at home right? our first floor office.. they actually shut-off all ac's at 6 PM!! goes without saying... ppl are not welcome to stay longer.. and those who are not efficient enough to finish their work in office hours... suffer ;)

2. our friendly neighbourhood office... gives employees a snack at 6ish.. so if you happen to stay THAT long at work... you feel sufficiently energized...

3. this one has been my favorite since a while ofcourse... about how at 4:40 one evening.. we were climbing up the stairs... after our daily dose of kulhad tea... and this man.. was leaving work... with bag et al.. and actually told her.. "Good night, i'll see you tmrw"

4. his office bldg lift... stops functioning post 7PM.. once again... to make those in-efficient... non-work-life-balance ppl.. suffer for their crimes!!

all of these... are made extra spl... when you factor in them cabbies... she says i'm ironic... but if a man can not even admire and laugh at the irony... of WORKing... in kolkata...

i think their sense of humor... had an unfortunate accident :)

a place called home...

so... last-night.. was the first night at home... this morning.. we woke up... fought with the cable guy... requested.. the geyser guy to come over... but this post is about pleasant things... so we start over :)

so last night was the first night at home... we sat up till about 4... arranging stuff... in the rooms...
opening up.. atleast the FMCG n toiletries.. even if the clothes are still lying around :)

then... we made up the bed... so we could sleep on it.. lol.. that's a first.. in 25 yrs....
so the bed was a lil stiff (we do need tht new mattress) it was a lil cold also.. we need to find out where them blankets are... the PILLOWS were missed... but this is home right? might not be perfect.. but its ours for keeps :P

then.. woke up by about 10.... and first.. put the curtains.. on the windows... to block that early morning sun...

so the bedroom got 3 curtains.. and the balcony got the only one left ...

then we made ourselves some hot tea.... good tea.. in our lovely.. home-trade coffee mugs... (will nostalgia ever quit?)

and then.. the tv is in the other bedroom.. which was much too far... so we ended up moving the tv.. till the door to that room.. blocking that room altogether... but making the tv visible from all places in the house.. :) :)

i think one of the coolest things about living alone is that one can actually watch VH1 24x7 without having to switch channels ;)


and... then.. we setup a little more in the house..
and then came the master-plan to power up the speakers :)
god bless music...

so we setup the woofer and the 2 speakers in the hall.. in a pyramid formation.. as they'd ONCE instructed... and plugged it into the laptop.. and as we sit on the stool.. typing this... gavin degraw croons...

I don't want to be

Anything other than what

I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

something so symbolic.. about the song that played at that very moment? :)

and then we fixed ourselves ... a big bowl of cereal and milk (course.. now i'm regretting not having a clue.. how much wud become too much) but being the good-kid.. we shall finish it anyway...

the to-do's for today.. (wrt the house)

1. get geyser fixed

2. get pillows

3. get shoe brush

4. get pillows

5. get mattress....

i doubt i'll do more than 2 of these.. but like ajay said.. every morning we make our to-do list.. to priortize and finish our work? ;)

living alone seems like an interesting experiment from now... if all comes crashing down.. shreeni my friend.. yr room to the rescue :)

and while we're being polite hosts... almost all of you who may happen to read this post... are very much invited to come on over... the tv-trolley shall move.. to open the doors to yr spare room:)

interesting times...

so...

we met online n i went...

hey... i'm coming to bby... why don't we meet up this time.... and it struck me.... this'd be the third metro... in as many months... in which we both happened to be at the same time...

and this wud also be the third time... i'd actually asked her to catch up with me... something about it.. is probably sad.. but something about it... was also SO.. not me...

i mean.. i don't think its sucha BIG-DEAL for this to happen..

and then.. you put it against the backgrnd of her 25 yrs in bby... my 24 yrs in bby... n thtz abt 49 man yrs... ONLY spent in a single city.. n maybe you will see the irony... i feel abt us having sucha opportunity..



on another note.... though these 2 posts weren't supposed to be merged... but wht the hell?

so... LOST right... all of my loved ones.. love it.. swear by it.. blah blah blah..

i've seen all 3 seasons... (3.. right?) not under peer-pressure or anything.. but under the curiosity.. of what about it.. is it.. that moves them to bits... trashes their emotions.. and makes them feel... jack's pain... kate's love... and sawyer's... whatever it is sawyer feels...

so.. i went through 3 complete seasons.. happy.. maybe impressed at times... but never particularly moved.... UNTIL ... we came to the end of season 3... last episode... last 3 mins..

jack.. looks like some1 who doesn't believe in the power of the razor... or in the capability of a barber... a state very familiar to mine... in the last 5 odd yrs.. i guess??

and... then he says...
i've been flying a lot..
the golden pass that they gave us.. i've been using it..
every friday night.. i'd fly from LA to tokyo.. or singapore.. sydney.. and then i get off.. and i have a drink... and i fly home...

she asks.. why?
he says... because i want it to crash katie...

and it just STRUCK ME... at that very moment... of a very familiar feeling... i feel... each time i take a flight... how tired... i am... how content i'd be... if the damn thing just crashed... and it was over.... in that one moment... i almost feel like i'v lived too long now... seen too much.... much too much...

thgt for today

so... in this tryst with creativity... on this day... when i'm tired of living... i have come up with another gem...

i wish.... i could just cease to exist.... like a bug-ridden program from the matrix... who someone would pull a plug-on!
no repercussions... no explanations.. no residue... no feelings... no after-effects :)

so.. who all came last night?

so... it was saturday night at the "beach" again..

i came up with this very interesting 3-d view of a saturday
Dinner
Drinks &
Dancing? ;)

nifty?? don't you think??

so post-dinner... as we moved into drinks....

he was already there...
she dropped out at the last min..
she came with us...
she feigned a head-ache... sadly... she doesn't like us as much anymore i think sometimes...

he was there as usual...
he happened to come there..
he also came in to kill some time...
and wonder of wonders we met him at that place!!

so the motley-crew in itself was quite SOMEthing.. .and then there was all that alcohol.. :)
and then there was the BAND! playin blues.. now we didn't even know.. we liked blues.. and so much... until we sat thru their performancE!

and then... it just wasn't about what they were playing...

imagine the band.. all of them middle-aged guys..

the vocalist with a super-animated face and an extremely happy expression.. making us all wish.... WE COULD BE THAT HAPPY WHEN WE WERE WORKING... but then.. thats the beauty of being a performer i guess??

his bassist... another very competent artist... and providing some killer vocals to half the songs.. the guy has more gray hair... wore a white shirt and jeans.. and a beer belly :)

and his fingers were dancing.. walking on them strings... creating magic... and he had the most bored expression on his face... an expression that said.. yr 21.. yr enjoyin the music.. u think i'm doing something spl... i'm 42... i earn my wage like this... i'v been here.. done this.. .one-time too many.. .its not an expression of defeat.. or something whcih says that... i shud've been more in life.. its just something... which says... what u consider magic... is part of my job.. and a daily occurrence for me :)

ther's somethin so spl when u see that in a person.. we're a nation starved for heroes anyway.. and he may not be a national hero.. but he was my hero for last night :)

and then we followed the familiar route...
to the room with the best view of howrah at 3 am....
to a dark room where parachutes begin and end...
to a familiar place that friends call home...
to all things dear and worth living for....

sometimes i wondered if he'll die alone...
he said worry abt yrself sonny...
i'm atleast not uncomfortable being alone :)

#1

Its so.... empty...
Somewhere..
Somehow...
Someone forgot us... but anyway?
Somestuff just happens
Sometimes..
Somewhat beyond our control?

Some.. .say... its Fate
in Someways.. they're right... but...

Somethings' gotta give!!

of dreams... of growing up...

so... i randomly asked her.. and we got thinkin... what did we want to be ... when we grew up... what were our plans.. as 5, 9 or 14 year olds... and where did we see ourselves when 25's...

so i asked her.. and she said she was what she wanted to be.... but this 1's about me.. for a change ;)

so... what did i want to be... when i grew up... unlike nitin sadly.. i had no clarity or focus... no pilot dreams for me..

and sadly.. or in characteristic my style.. i had specific ideas about vague things i wanted out of life...

like let's see... i walked into shoppers stop andheri.. in mid 90's? considering thats when i moved to andheri.. and i'v only shopped there.. for the last 10 yrs... and i knew back then... in school... that this is what we deserved in life... so maybe that is when the first thgt germinated... about making a career in retail... ofcourse... you all know.. (heheh.. considering no1 really comes arnd here lately, you all here.. r prolly all of my alter-ego's n imaginary frnds)... the difficulties tht came in the way of actually pursuing tht career as a dream.. but it did come thru some-how.. what with the summers at pantaloon... the final placement at spencer's... can a dream be any more fulfilled than this?

let's see the second part of my dream.. as a 14 yr old again... i wanted to live in an extra large house.. live-alone... with multiple rooms... there was this fascination with the whole idea that.. it has to have.. more than one bedrooms... something to do with excessive capacity.. or extra space or something... ofcourse we wanted this in a high-rise.. in our beautiful bldg opposite siddhi vinayak.. but well.. .cut to '07... here in cal.. ther's a 2bhk to myself... which is furnished... 2 room's.. 2 bed's... 2 ac's... sofa-set.. dining table... all of 1000 sq. ft.. hell its bigger than HOME back in bby...

these.. r the 2 thgts.. abt growin up... tht did come to mind... and suddenly.. when i see em... i feel i'v SO COMPLETELY accomplished em both.. so to speak?

and then... there is this feeling of emptiness somewhere.. or a sense of in-complete.. or a sense of.. whatever did i want this for? in my life? and funny thgts come to mind... but BIG words at the end which say... BE CAREFUL... WHAT YOU WISH FOR... IT JUST MIGHT COME TRUE ;)

Aqua Serene

So there were things to celebrate... and things to ponder over...
and we ended up in aqua...

setting - roof-top open lounge bar..... with a lit-up pool... with beach chairs around it just on one-side.. and leather cushioning on these beach chairs.... good lounge music playing thru a live-dj..
so we sat here... drank for hours... conversations flowed like the water in the pool.... and then we decided to call it a night and go home...
we went over to his house... the familiar beautiful old world of kolkata.... his house... with its mind-blowing view of my howrah bridge...

all the lights we'd switched off... just the stray lights coming from those endless windows...buzz from the booze.. heh.. i like this rhyme... and then... he put in that tape of parachutes.. and it strted... tht serene voice..... with those simple words.... and a lit cigarette... that room did not need much more... that place... did not need much more... our lives did not need much more.. than just that serene moment... where everything folded and closed down... nothing really mattered except 2 ppl... looking out of that window... sitting alone in a quite room at 3 in the morning... and listening to them perform... just for us :)

stray thgt - it scared me to think... how much courage it must have taken him... to have lived thru his life.. to have come up with those words... at this wise-old age.... any1 can paint a pretty picture at 16.... but by 25.. life-happens to you :) and then... you know... how the story goes :)

Stray weekend thgts...

Brilliance.... like sheer mediocricty is matter of a moment!

SO here's some toilet humour.. from an alleged 24 yr old... who apparently hasn't gotten any for long..

IF nothing.. maybe some 14 yr old's on the verge of puberty wud appreciate this work :)

#1
roses are red
violets are blue

when my groin aches
will you come through?

#2
back n forth... in n out..
i wait for you... to lick my mouth

you slam the door... and shut me out!!

Quote UnQuote

Just some stray thoughts...

- The most successful love stories are the unsuccessful ones.

- Greatness lies as much in all that you chose to not do, as in doing all that you can.

- Peace, which some call happiness and others pleasure, is not measured by how long it lasts, but by the intensity of the always fleeting moment in which it visits us.

i miss jpmc!

n those requests... and the glee-ful abandon... and the thrill of doing nothing really...

and the beautiful ladies maybe?

New realizations & beginnings

It tremendously aggrevated my sense of loss.. nostalgia struck me much harder... and the part in me which wants to cling to the comfort of the old really wanted to run back to the maximum city and claim... that.. which had been rightfully mine... all these 24 yrs... when i thought of how she would leave for college this morning... would go sit in a class.. snooze through a couple of lectures... and then go out on a coffee break.. chit-chat in the canteen.. get done sometime in the afternoon.. and come back to the comfort of home.. and have the whole evening to yet plan something with friends...

suddenly then... i am reminded.. that my day's in college stretched past-mid-night on most occassions.. also... the only bonding we did do.. was me n him... sitting on that lil ledge outside the canteen... with our sleepy-stoned looks.. unnecessarily long hair... loose clothes and a condescending attitude towards every mortal we could lay our eyes on..

the oblivion towards every mortal who could snatch a whiff of oxygen in that over-crowded space that was best meant for a batch of 100 and best utilized by scores of 16 yr old's instead..

the abondon of presentations... the pointlessness of theory... that had no practical application.. which is also sadly not very true.. when you actually start working... and the utter disdain with which we regarded all people that would take anything seriously or put too much effort into any important activity..

when the to-do lists of the day or week .. were about paying the credit card and phone bills.. the lies to tell to cover the inflated fuel bills (something tells me the bills will yet remain just as integral part of my life now.. as then) and which movie to see... with which of them... today.. there are no movies and there are no companions.. maybe its only fair?

and then suddenly.. through this cloud of nostalgia and feeling bad about all that we missed out on... as a silver-lining or maybe a whole new spin on life.. we see the reality of finally moving away from home.. finally renting out a 2bhk.. where you would live alone.. .and be responsible for locking the door.. shutting the taps and switching off the lights.. also... where you can lay down quitely in your bed and not have to think why will anyone come and ask you something.. and will you have to come up with an answer?

and then... the meeting new people.. who were so much fun.. that they so very easily become friends? of seeing new places and experiencing a new cities customs.. .from tram's to metro's...

of going to yet more interesting places and meeting yet more interesting people.. of broadening your horizons from a city to a country suddenly... of finding inter-connectivity at the national level ;) ;)

of people actually thinking you know something.. and your opinion really counts.. where there is a reward... even if only notional.. linked to the awareness or interest shown by people..

there's a lot of missing the old.. the comfortable.. the easy.. and there is just so much excitement of experiencing this new and observing the changes as they happen....

from being a sad post... about missing my dhiraj cuppa.. this post is suddenly enjoying the kulhad tea and jhal-mudi!

Ode to home...

the last sprint down marine drive
the last drinkin binge of a night
the last night with friends...
the last sun-set

the last sound sleep
in the comfort of my bed

the last warm glass of milk
early in the morning

the last of waking up without alarms!
no gleeful abandon and carelessness

the last drive....
oh so swift....

the last of... student life
of life-long friends...
of relationships and memories

of bumping into acquaintances
every corner and street

the last of lasts
the new shall now last

n i may move physically geographies
but my soul from this city.. shan't depart!

a year to last...

the times are changing
the winds accelarating

its not that they have changed direction
we never knew where we were going anyway..

its dark outside and dark within
i'm searching for that voice
but it's all quite still

when they walk that fast
they're slowing us down

the quick-sand sucks
and i can hear her complain

the black is shining brightly
shimmering and reflecting light

their spirits are so high
n they all passed away noiselessly

the continuity so jarring
the noise so serene


it's been a good year
and it shall cost a LOT!

So... what makes you interesting...

At about 2:15 AM... roughly 3.5 hours back.. i was on my way home...
being Saturday night... near amar there was a significant crowd of post-partying eaters... having skipped dinner even i was quite hungry... and the good ol' bhurji-pav seemed so enticing.. but i pretty much decided to not eat road-side...

and then by the time i got on to the high-way... i msgd him anyway.. about how i missed those good ol' days.. and the good ol' bhurji... and he called back and said.. why don't i come over and we'll all go for bhurji.. since both of them were also not upto too much!!

At 2:26 AM... being exactly 3 mins away from my building i wondered if i should turn-around...
and with it being 2:30 anyway... there was nothing to rush home for... and my grumbling stomach did demand some gratification... so we did turn-around :)

and we picked them up from their building... the pyjama-party with laptops... and off the trio went.. in the general direction of juhu... deploring the youth of today... their drunken driving escapades... and feeling ol' as usual....

mid-way through the bhurji-pav... some part of bhurji reached her eye instead of her mouth... and all-HELL broke lose... and then she was screaming.. and in the process of givin her water to wash her eyes... we spilt 500 ml of Thumbs-UP under my car seat... and also saved her eye in the mean-while... finally having found that bottle of water and washed the food-out!

then we moved on to the Marriott for a coffee-break.. after all that action... apparently we needed somethings to calm us down...

weird as it seems good ol' friends were also at Marriott.. though they'd all left by the time we finally did come aroud..:)

and then there was this bonding... with old stories and anecdotes… and the usual talk of this that and the other… we discussed his in-significance in his life … about how connected this city life is (as usual) and when we thought we’d had enough of this.. that and the other…

we dropped them back… and came back home…

I wonder if any of this made the evening any better or makes for an interesting read…

But given a choice between all that is said above… and parking the car in the parking lot at 2:30 … I wonder how I’d chose to spend those 3 hrs of my life… given a second chance?

Rhyme Scheme?

This is a Toy...
For i am a Boy
With no concept of Joy!

I fly in the Day
I've lied all the Way
Cos i don't know what to Say!
Come lets go play?

The Name of the Game
To always stay the Same

To talk when you Can
Cry if she.... Ran?

Its now late-Night
So... sweetie... Sleep-Tight!!

Rambling on...

#1
the thought is not
the touch isn't!

sometimes when i really sit down to think
even a lifetime really wouldn't

but its the empty chase
the endless phase
the look on your face
and this perpetual race
we're losing the
Winnings!!


#2
its not alone
they're singing his song
red blood met blue
and everything went wrong

i'm listening to the sea
its not talking to me?

along with the rough rain...
we'll soon see its end!

Management lessons from Omkara...

Maybe it happened... b'coz i've been studying mgmt for half-a-decade now... maybe it was just there to be seen... this once...

so i was watching Omkara.. and somehow... all along in the movie.. i thgt it had lessons on sucession planning.. or the lack of it.. and its importance...

like right at the beginning when saif is side-stepped.. and no1 talks to him abt it.. there's a dis-gruntled middle mgr.. (who essentially fucked e-thing up)

then with the whole song n dance sequence... where vivek fucks up... no1 took care to clearly mentor yr newly promoted mgrs..

and the problem... as alwsys lies right at the top.. where the bosses didn't take enough trouble to just ensure.. their ppl were managed efficiently n effectively... and i guess they paid the price by destroyin the whole pipe-line of future leaders..

maybe i am seeing mgmt into this. coz my thgts r tainted now or something.. with all this talk of MBA..but those 3 hrs sure felt like mgmt-talk to me!

right investments!

This isn't so much about the stock-market, because i don't understand how it works anyway. Its a lot more about investing time, effort, money and your feelings in people and friends.

Money is not a big deal, i've always believed in it. Thus, financial investments.. in stocks or people are not that big a deal...

But investing in people, exposing ourselves to them and letting ourselves be vulnerable around them is so much power given to an external source. Like our various OB discussions, this is an external locus of control (not good).

Investing in people fucks-up further when you think about how volatile the investment is, how easily all of it can result in naught and disappear without a trace.

We yet carry on, meeting new people investing in them.. exposing ourselves... usually getting disappointed....

...and then the churh next to home says
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails to return a dividend"

A summer of Discontent!

Its been a while since I call this summer just that… and then I got thinking about well… summers and me… from the time… when each summer we’d go down to the native place, meet all those cousins… travel around states spending a couple of days with almost everyone and that scorching heat… those 2 wheeler rides… the crazy stuff some of those guys did do… and which I was party to

And then there are the times when being born and brought up here in Bombay… I’d get very conscious of seeing any form of insects around me… or about not getting my favorite biscuits or something in those towns.. or even magi seemed like sucha welcome relief and familiar feeling back then…. All of these things back then… were of paramount importance.. the be-all and end all of the stay there and top priority and expectation…

When I compare it to this summer… if I did leave this town.. my first worry would be, how many of these faces will I not be able to see for how long.. will I have my cell phone with me… will there be internet connectivity at that place… suddenly in my own little way it seems like a global village which I find very hard to abandon or miss…. Which is then such a sad compromise… when compared to the glee-ful abandon with which I left this place in those days.. how I looked forward to a new set of discoveries back home, and a new crop of stories to share with people here…

Suddenly I think… this is the only place that I even consider home… and don’t want to lose touch from these people … don’t want to miss out on their time or their lives… it all seems pretty weird… the transition from the family by birth… to the family of choice…

Somewhere along this trip … somewhere along all these thoughts from the past… I almost forgot all the things that make this summer so messed up… and then I wonder how much of this will even be considered next summer or hold any meaning……

and the last time i felt complete....

was the day kashish died...

may the may's enrich her life... like they once enriched mine

Will Mahajan Survive?

Maybe a topic of this nature deserves more mature treatment… maybe this is the mature treatment we wish for it to have... Maybe what I’m writing is just the outcome of the tremendous strain, that my exams; which I’ll barely pass... have put me into

So anyway when I read about pramod mahajan being shot at by his brother... I found the news fascinating in some ways... I don’t know how many people follow news or Indian politics in my generation… it is after-all very redundant over sensationalized anyway...
So if pramod mahajan is shot the interesting thing that struck me is… after quite a few yrs… a young BJP leader is shot (I wonder who’s idea of young is a man of 56 [2 yrs from retirement if he were in a government job] ) anyway.. point being congress is familiar with this scenario having lost their young guns in madhavroa scindia and rajesh pilot… even the jundal.. though I dunno where his political allegiance lay, while I’m sure if it wasn’t with congress it would have been before his career ended…

So yes… coming back to the point… congress always loses young leaders… its their thing I think.. they lost rajiv and sanjay after-all.. what could be more congress anyway..

Whereas BJP seems to be the one to retain this talent… now whether mahajan lives or dies might just help us understand if the phenomenon is Congress specific or all pervasive…

Ofcourse another semi-interesting point that struck me in the course of my ramblings is that… bjp is in the opposition now… when pilot, scindia and rajiv died.. congress was in opposition.. maybe its just an opposition thing to do?

Sea Rocks!

I'm very slowly barbecued
as their loud laughter
pierces my defences...

they're relishing the process
as i'm slowly turned over
evenly cooking every brain cell

its not only
their voices
their actions
or their thoughts

its their being
that leaves a bad taste in my mouth

its not like i'm
asking them to make sense
expecting them to be sane
or hoping for miracles

all i want to do is go HOME!

6/4/6
21:00

For 7 years is a LONG time...

The Body - A Marvel

Its amazing the kind of energy reserves our body has. This afternoon after under-going the most strenuous work-out I was exhausted, dead-tired and thought at 8pm… that this would indeed be a good time to sleep… the evening then… as it slowly led to the dim-dark... was my first leg of this evening.

Then ofcourse came the time spent on writing intelligent sounding words and bonding with friends, over a drive-home then a dinner followed by a dessert and some general talk. That was then part two of this evening.

Finally, with a few more hours on that form, a few words to pacify a restless mind and a few more stray thoughts later… I am sitting on my home PC at 5:36 AM… roughly 10 hours after I was dying to sleep… and yet wide awake…

What amazes me isn’t the fact that so much happened in the last 10 hours… I guess if you’re up sufficiently long, you will go through multiple experiences… but just the fact that the body has so much reserve energy in store which can so effortlessly kick-in to ensure that when push comes to shove… we can thrust hard ;)

the mornin' after

actually there wasn't a mornin after... unless 4pm can yet be called morning..

anyway... sleeping for 12 hrs straight after atleast 24 days if not more.. felt very very nice...

knowing that i have no dead-line approaching or nothing new to take care of.. or pester someone to finish off some work also felt very nice

knowing that all i had to do for this yr is essentially done.. and ppl may find my work less than perfect and may complain.. but most of it.. might only be rantings in hind-sight.. which have no real immediate implications or alterations to be done from my side.. again.. felt-nice

basically... knowing that i could wake up to a morning of no dead-lines and do nothing all day felt-nice...

i went for a movie with her then... after so many days.. and its pleasureable as ever.. to be in her company.. and we broke a jinx.. which had gone on for yrs.. of never seeing a good-film together.. a jinx that went through films like deham, shallow hal, matrix3, bourne identity... chai pani etc... basically spanning almost 4-5 yrs now...

and then a quite dinner at home.. even if its not that cosy and not so homely just now....

it is just good to have this break.. good to not have too much to do...

good to be able to read and write again...

good to be back!

empty thoughts...

No one owns bombay like the stray dogs and the slum-dwellers!

nothin-r'ships

its something i have come across... more so in the last few years... i think... that relationships have stopped becoming so official and people are much more open about the idea of liking someone and yet much more weary of commitment or entering something concrete.

maybe this is because we're (or ppl in my circle) are at an age where commitment becomes a much bigger deal.. and no1 is really fuckin' arnd anymore... maybe it stems from the fact that all of us have definitely had our first few r'ships.. so there is no puppy-lovin left...

anyway... the amount of nothin-r'ships that i see around me... far out-number the ppl in serious r'ships.. and i no longer am certain when some1 says they're single.. coz the thgt of another nothin r'ship comes arnd... i guess what makes em so popular is their lack-of-form or freedom.. some are into a nothin r'ship.. coz they fear commitment.. .some reach it as a residue stage from their previous r'ship... some reach it coz they dun wanna be alone n yet dun really wanna be with tht person.. .and some are just there.. i guess...

amazing how the dynamics of society change and how new concepts are invented to fill the gaps in these...

the perfect day!

it started with bad-grades... well... considering all the ingredients to this semester... bad-grades was the only logical conclusion.. anyway… after that we had that mammoth planning meeting to redeem ourselves...

a few hours later we planned a movie.. to kill the time.. and in sync with the theme of the day... it was the most mind-less, the most point-less movie i have ever seen.. and it was so bad that despite the money we were spending.. we walked out... mid-day now that hasn't happened since that time in Pinki forever back.. and never really happened for a English film.. ever..

then ofcourse.. someone mistook it to be a picturesque night.. and we decided to go for a drive... just to enjoy the view... she spun almost out as the mind raced farther... then ofcourse after a futile drive.. the road was dug-up.. so no view to enjoy.. and no place to part.. and just about as we were about to hit the rd... the license was missing and to eschew trouble… we headed back home..

ofcourse somewhere in the course of the night the equilibrium was also destroyed… for the first time in 2 weeks and the next day was one of those only days with a day-long headache

Guess this wasn’t the most popular Saturday after-all

this night, that year!

it started with a random after-work drive.. Which was meant to drop em home.. and then we started looking for food jst coz hunger struck.. and then we started drifting aimlessly... found some food .. but barely anything... soon we decided to travel to town...

and the roads were but-empty... with Tuesday morning approaching and the auspiciousness of walking-up-to-the-gods!!!!

we re-discovered worli-sea-face... HLL training centre.. empty buildings.. empty roads.. lots of interesting discussions of her and her and HER?

him and her and them together and us and back and forth...

we wanted to buy a couple of buildings in-between… good property deserves better owners ofcourse..

The hoarding read
“the youth leaders in parliament start at 60”
Is the emphasis on youth?

So… you think I should be a banker or do something with CCS
What difference does it make yaar, … if u go banking or alternate?...
Bastard for once stop thinking about yourself I am asking you what do you think I should do… don’t look at my life in terms of YOU
But isn’t that what really matters?
*(Y$*(@Y$@(*Y%({Y%

A few minutes later… we were on SB rd. Colaba – 5, from Andheri (E)-93…
And then we turned around for a quick coffee, a look at the beautiful abstraction of a shop called “atmosphere”
Does anyone know what this shop, right next to the Gateway of India sells?

We were just headed back when it struck us that the station will offer much need food and then there was Bun-maska, tea! Bhurji-pav… there is a god.. and he blesses us all!

On the way back the discussion went on to more interesting topics like being open to new people, traveling, working in teams... food wakes us up after-all

I am very tolerant of diversity and my interests have been aligned accordingly like traveling, working with various groups etc.
I am also very tolerant to diversity
Being okay about various contradicting opinions you have is not really the same as being tolerant to diversity

And then we twilighted home…

Arranged Vs Love

This has somehow been a topic of discussion or relevance for me since the age of 18... maybe cause the woman i was in love with... was so hell-bent on gettin arranged...

so anyway... we're debating this for 45 mins... voices rising, discussions getting passionate... what about individual liberty... what about what your parents.. they have raised you for so many yrs.. but its your life.. but you can't dissociate from the emotional attachment to the family just like that.. but if they decided to have you for whatever reasons.. don't they have a duty to raise you... it had pretty much reached a fuck-you stage.. where you believe in your theories and i'll believe in mine.. no two people have to always concur after-all... civilized society only asks for people to be able 2 accept other people's opinions.

So after all these moral pleas' of individual liberty, moral righteousness and how we should not compromise on things we believe in… I just decided to share his opinion on all of this… after-all the discussion had started because he had an opinion on this…

“She’ll tell you she has a moral obligation towards the family… you have to convince her… by telling her… imagine… if we get married and then we have children the atmosphere in the house will be filled with so much love… so much promise… you will tell the kids… their children (your grand-kids) stories of our court-ship… and how there were so many firsts and how our families finally agreed and you will be spreading so much happiness… don’t you owe that to our children and their children… isn’t that then… much greater than what we owe just our parents”

That worked… worked better than I have heard a woman seem agreeable in almost 8 yrs of mouthing my usual lines…

work and its worth-less-ness

i read this very interesting article as i had a few hours and more to kill..
http://www.zpub.com/notes/black-work.html
this article.. reminded me of so many things i believe in... like work isn't really the be-all-end-all.. it also reminded me of a very old article...
http://www.zpub.com/notes/idle.html
which had struck up quite a conversation a few winters back...

anyway.. some of the key lessons and questions that arose out of both the essays for me were... if we do improve in technology & advance.. why couldn't just a few ppl work towards subsistence and the rest try to do something better with their lives... how are progressing if we are all in the rat race...

and i really liked these lines.. for they finally bring to fore something i have always believed in... the uselessness of financial institutions and instruments..

i mean what person in their sane frame of mind needs all those mutual funds and bonds, the derivatives & commodity markets... nationalised and local and other such banks...

"Forty percent of the workforce are white-collar workers, most of whom have some of the most tedious and idiotic jobs ever concocted. Entire industries, insurance and banking and real estate for instance, consist of nothing but useless paper-shuffling. It is no accident that the "tertiary sector," the service sector, is growing while the "secondary sector" (industry) stagnates and the "primary sector" (agriculture) nearly disappears. "

then the lil thought about how nero would've actually turned out alright if he was allowed to.. at a younger age... in a lesser degree to practise animal slaughter (by working in a slaughter house) thus killing his fascination over the damn thing!

point being.. as we all know.. things are curable if addressed at an earlier age and being proactive about such issues is very much possible.. it doesn't even take a genius to figure these things out...
as entertaining or interesting the lives of such freaks would be.. .we might be making much better use of our time and resources if we spent it just treating these individuals better

very similar to the kind of outlook some of us hope or expect the indian society to take towards sex and relationships amongst individuals of the opposite sex... especially in places like North India.. .maybe then we'd not have our capital as the rape capital of the country atleasT!

givin' up....

Giving up.. ought to be one of the most difficult lessons to learn... giving up not on what you believed in or strived towards... but giving up on the probable outcome of the effort put in...

since its so difficult to practice... the rewards are equally brilliant... like if you give up on the result and pursue the activity just for the pure pleasure of play... it can sometimes be more rewarding than the plan intentioned.

he experienced it... when he did euphoria... he experienced it also when sittin there after 2yrs of prep the math section looked to be printed in greek.. ofcourse one outcome was positive and one of them otherwise.. but then.. like the wise men say.. after putting in your honest best efforts there is very little you can do.. except hope for the best.. and that is why it becomes so important to let go... give up and not hope or wish or pray that things work out your way.. cos they will only work out the way they have to.. but by not expecting you rid yourself of the pressure the expectation and thus the disappointment.

here's to giving up on a few more things in life.. so what if the investment was another yr of my life!

You're Ruining yourself!

one of the best compliments i've recieved this yr... or in a few yrs now..

and the giver did not even know.. what all the taker took in that 1 simple line...

ruining my life over so many people and so many things that if we could realistically remove all of these variable i'd be a lot less ruined and a lot more happy.

Good-bye

dream analysis....

she n i used to play dream analysis once upon a time... it was fun n it was played seldom n it threw up interesting connotations...

like she dreamt about killing, teeth falling, my dreams though are always out-of-context.. yet never really way too unbelievable or un-realistic.. except for the time kareena n abhishek came home for a meal n i dropped them back in my zen.. and for some non-apparent reason they ensured by doing stupid things.. my zen had only 2 doors left.. i've never really had the heart to analyze that dream ofcourse.. its lying in cold storage... this isn't about that dream anyway :P

last night.. rather this morning at 7:30 i had a dream... she came to my house.. upstairs.. and i was gently kissing her lips.. and just getting comfortable.. when the alarm rang and i woke up :) (all good things come to an end... abruptly and just when you're starting to enjoy them :P)

anyway... now frued says.. when you have a physical dream about someone.. you're in love with that person.... and... umm... indian lore.. or whatever part of it i have been exposed to... says.. early morning dreams.. tend to come true.. rather often...

interesting food for thoughT!

Goaing Goan

as the new year draws close and we get away from the year that was.. the festive people of this festive city make plans to get away...
to bring in the new yeat in style..
to do something special for themselves.. something unique... some go there..
cos its the best they can afford.. so go there cos its mighty convenient...
and some go there cos such was their plan...

Goa the land of golden sand and other nice things (which i may not be able to throw much light on.. as i've never gone there)

the distinct chords goa stricks in my mind are...

1 of my closest friends had a brilliant time with her bf there....
1 of my other friends went there with a few friends to celebrate the end of her CAT..
and when another 1 of my close friends was going to go there for last new yrs.. tsunami happnd.. and she shelved her trip.. .

hmm..
doesn't quite seem like a yr has passed since the advent of the killer waves...

1 of my friends picked up Garage Inc. from there.. coz thtz where he first saw it...

and the sweetest of all.. is ofcourse when my folks went there for a week and i had a blast at home...

haha.. who'd believe there can be so many associations to a place.. without having even gone there

anyway.. as the new yr comes around.. these 3 friends.. head-back to goa...

one is newly married.. so honey-mooning..
one is about to get engaged.. and is holidaying..
and the other is yet celebrating... friends....

different people headed to the same place for different reasons.. with different set of objectives.. and yet ending up within a square mile or so of each other...

maybe it is coz they are from bombay.. only the global-village could define their proximity and their dissonance

random thoughts...

She: What is your take on friends getting married?
He: Friends... getting involved is damned convenient.. if they get married that's good.. but if things fuck-up.. you lose a friend and a lover.. kinda sad eh?
He: Whats your take on friends with benefits?
She: no-reply
(two days later)
He: Whats your take on friends with benefits?
She: no-reply
(two-days later)
He:dude.. don't you have an opinion?
She: But i don't understand your question... aren't all friends beneficial... IN SOME-ways.. atleast?
He:(stifling immense laughter) hmm.. .Friends with benefits.. are like fuck-buddies in a lesser degree probably...

and in his head play the alanis lines...
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits

She: yr definition of benefits is quite diff. well.. i never needed such friends.. nor intend on being 1
She: Your point of view on things scandalizes me so much... i feel i live in a different world.

*************************************************************************************

Deep thgt on a well-slept afternoon.. mid-life crisis... festive-season-nearing..monkey's having better love-lives... and... impending exams..

what is the best thing i've done till date..
Started boyaz... lol.. funny when you think in restrospect.. put things into perspective.. and all that jazz.. you realise.. how little the things we burn our blood over.. and toil so much for.. really matter...

anyway.. since the yr is coming to an end.. i have decided to have a new yr resolution.. so the next few days will be spent thinking on that one..

tuesday mornin blues

if i worked too hard sunday-nite and monday went by in a haze of sleepiness... can there be a case of tuesday afternoon blues?

suddenly i feel like... the more you see.. the lesser you actually can tell.. experience instead of wisening you... sometimes makes everything blurry because you have seen do much.. rationalised things on both sides of the normal...

when the running seems in a direction that can best be termed as pointless.. and everything eludes you.. most of all a purpose and a meaning....

i am reminded of an old friend who said.. "life is elsewhere"

i just saw King Kong!

and even the monkey looks like he'd have a better love life.. than i!!!

there's something about 3 am nights.. even if you can get here every night of the week.. something about them yet remains charming... be it, the emptiness of the road when you're driving back home... the no-nonsense music play in the radio... the odd-cop on the road reminding you.. that civilization does not sleep in the night.. despite what some people would like to say about the law & order in this city...

the stories we create on these 3 am nights... in a few yrs.. as we hit middle-age.. will be the only one's that we'll have to share.. these will then be the fond re-collections of days when we were young.. when we could follow our dreams.. we had the will & youth on our side, to change stuff...

he'll be a different man 5 yrs from now.. he's already so different anyway.. she'll be slightly different but yet with a very similar role... their differences will merge into commonalities but they'll yet all be distinct individuals all trying to carve a niche.. fighting for their own space..

and hopefully even then i can drive back alone at 3:30 am... and reflect upon their lives and once more try and enjoy the journey than rush towards the destination!

questions?

a friend of mine.. sent me these 20-30 questions which are rather global-gyaan or stuff you try to think about on the macro-level... the bigger questions of life so to speak.... i will try and put forth my view on some of these.. and look fwd to hear from u guys..


What happens when someone’s freedom infiltrates on my own personal freedom? (Yatin)

well.. if this is a person i am friendly with, then i'd try to accomodate and/or propogate their freedom to the extent it is tolerable.. but when it crosses a line.. i'd show them their limits.
.
e.g. say someone is friendly with you.. but is very touchy.. so you'd allow them to be such, knowing its their nature upto some extent, but if it becomes a problem you will draw a line for them..

if the person involved is someone i don't know or care about. i will safe-gaurd my personal freedom at all costs.. since that is all that matters to me.

looking at the macro level.. If this happens in business or something.. i think the answer will be that its a case of survival of the fittest and each person tries to maximum or safe-guard their interests at whatever costs... and may the more determined souls win...

the authority of excesses

i've always believed in the power of X's... (pun in pronunciation intentional!)

so why should excessive alcohol be an exception.. even though some people may think a lot of alcohol is actually bad and takes the toll on your mind and body and work and blah!

the point of view that if you do excess of something.. you see it in a ttly new light.. and find new pleasure points in it.. got reinforced tonight!

me and a few friends were sitting for beer ... this was college group and the discussions were usual.. BITCHING about this and that.. love and lost-love how prof's are crap and how much we can do... i don't even need to mention all this... and this is a session or a setting seen only too often... by normal standards of alcohol consumption.. or the ones considered as the right amount of consumption almost all of us will be termed drunkards... anyway..

then suddenly i brought up the topic of how one prof had said our presentations are not creative enough and how we could do so much more...

at this point... 6 people in their early 20's had a 20 min discussion about the types of presentations we make.. .lack and possibility of creativity in terms of content and visuals... the possibilities and so forth.. this wasn't just a discussion but a full-blown debate with each set recommending a different agenda.. now this i think is something so special.. talks volumes about how seriously MBA's especially those from our newly re-christened institution in its silver jubilee year take their studies.. 6 men sitting in a dingy bar and discussing presentation innovation on a Sunday at about 1 am.. speaks for itself!

which reminds me of another great quality of our great school which was highlighted by a dear friend a few months back...

we have a life comparable to a 2 yr vacation.. popular consensus is.. we park ourselves over here so we can rest for sometime and then we go out and work in the corporate world relentlessly.. coz we've already had excessive holidaying and vacation (this reiterates the point the first half of this blog tries to make.. about excess and its weird effects on the after-excess-behavior) and we think that we don't under-go enough rigor or hard-work in our college days.. as almost all of our prof's have no clue what they're doing.. and then suddenly.. one-fine-day! there walks in this prof who has alleged revolutionary ideas and gives us lots and lots of work and assignments to do.. and just like usual students complain again.. this time about how we are from this esteemed institution.. and not so accustomed to hard-work and the addnl work-load.. affects our leisure time...

I love it when there are certain things you can be sure about in life.. like people complaining about the faculty irrespective of their ability or interest.

Charade

the nape of her neck....
the close-up to her lips
the curve of her breast
and her shiny white teeth

Images left with me,
are mine always to keep
We shift & We stagnate
We move a million steps
Trying to remain the same

What miles couldn't magnify
Moods can deviate
And then her hair falls on top of my head
And she smells so great always!!

A child to protect
A mistake to learn from
She's my energy drink
& saps life out of me

Once upon a birthday...

its been a couple of years now.. since i celebrated.. my birthday.. or cut a cake on it.. or did anything formal.. its partly good and bad.. though last nite i did have some form of birthday dinner.. but then considering the recent past.. that's hardly anything close to a party...

so last year.. it was this cousin's wedding on the previous night... which meant i was with family.. that day.. course i cud've chosen to be here.. but something told me i had to go there.. and then ppl around me were drinking.. but i was with family..so... and then we spent till about 5 am... to finish the fera's.. and then till 7 am to transfer all the stuff back and transport the people back... slept a few hours and then drove inter-state where i was on the verge of falling asleep.. for about 3.5 hours in the afternoon.. reached my nani's house... slept 6 - 7 woke up the next morning.. and yr 22 was over :P

this yr.. well.. it started with organising n working hard for the alumni dinner.. just like good old days of colloseum... and then lots of drinks + lots of drinks + lots of drinks followed... by the end of it... i was sloshed.. all over the place... and it took 6 good men to get me back to the hostel.. at abt 3 am... then ofcourse i woke up at 11.. came home.. changed into something sensible.. spent the afternoon hearing about the fights that broke out the previous night.. and then... sleeping 3 hours in a class...

finally met.. her for a while.. .and then. took a few of them for dinner... funny dinner 'twas.. unfortunately.. no snaps of it... wud've been a site-for-sore-eyes with all that water-melon juice flowing... then ofcourse.. some of 'em had 2 have beer again.. so we were on the rd till 3 am... watching my friends... drainin the night in a golden fizzy.... buzz....

now lets look fwd to the next yr...

listenin to the past...

i heard it after SO LONG... on my drive back home.. from college... tonight... its funny what a large gap there is between randomly listening to music... and actually HEARING a song.. like you were living those words.. like they meant so much more than jst empty song lyrics.. and you knew what the guy felt.. .suddenly i rolled up all the windows... pushed the volume higher... and it seemd like the setting of another song from her cd... "ready,steady....go!"

anyway.. so hearing that song after so long.. suddenly reminded me of him... how me him and a few others... would dissect each and every word of this song.. how we'd contemplate what he meant... what was he really good or bad at... and how we'd sit together... all of us... no guitar... no other instrument.. and just singing in tune.. with our mental play-back.. sing the whole song...

and how we counted down slowly each and every one of those... nine.. ."a denial"'s

life goes on... no denial

9/11

funny thought...

but do you guys think... 9-11... happened.. on that very day... coz the americans are so much in love with a sense of security.. and dialing 911..

you guys may have heard/ though of this before... it jst came to my mind right now..

how is it love....

if you don't love doing it?

solicited advice!

its funny when i think of some of the theories i come up with.. and then when i look back upon them.. it seems quite fun...

like this 1 time.. i gave him this theory.. about how at each level in life.. we start at the lowest point... so if you keep waiting to leap off to the highest point of level 2... chances are you'll be stuck at level 1 for so long.. that level 2 will be redundant even when you reach it.. and so.. life is a trade-off as there can never be enough time to get things just right.. and we almost always have to leap.. before we're totally ready...

and then.. today.. again i was giving him big advice.. about the new found favorite past-time of the youth... and put things in a funny.. semi-realistic perspective i told him... each min of thoughtful papersolving will get him a %ile.. higher.. and the moment he slackens and makes it a mechanical job.. the performance will suffer and his result will be stagnant .. so out of the 120 mins.. say 15 r given to browse thru the 3 sections.. and 5 kept for coloring those ovals... after this if the man can keep his mind open for 100 mins... he could get 100 percentile...

i wonder if any-one-else ever thought of it that way...

i wonder if such-a line could motivate him...

if it could.. i wonder if he'd make a better motivational speaker than me ;)

unsolicited advice

so for once i didn't have my car.. i dropped her home around 11:20.. the guy said he knew the way home.. afterall if the rickshawalla knew all of mumbai.. how could he not know mahakali.. i concurred with the man .and then on the 20 odd min rick ride home.. i was on the phone.. just before getting home i hung up.. .as i was getting off and paying the man … this happened

All of this with a very serious constipated look on his face.. similar to the one you’d see on serial killers with utmost concentration!

Him: tum college wagera jata hai ki beechmein hi padhai chod diya
Me: nahi nahi… mein college mein hoon, MBA kar raha hoon

Him: Haa, padhai karne ka.. bahut zaroori hai

Me: haan padhai tau hai… sahi baat hai

Him: Ye ladki log ke chakar mein nahi fasne ka… khali time kharab karti hai… tum ko barbaad karegi… padhai pe dhyaan dene ka…


Talk of unsolicited advice!

stating the obvious

today... we shall delve upon a rather commonly known theory.. coz for once in our lives... it affects us in an un-common way...

the self-image or self-worth that a person has... determines how safe/insecure he feels about the people around him..

that is the essential crux of this post.. and then to drive home the point you can probably expound on the theory that the times when we do feel insecure or un-safe or likely to lose our loved ones is when we're not confident that our personalities or what we bring into that relationship is enough to make them stay with us...

its something i felt with and in.. all of my relationships.. and something which became glaringly evident in the non-relationships also....

it is good sometimes to know so much about yourself and the kind of things that affect you... and then yet to romanticize life.. if you junk all these learnings and keep living with your mistakes anyway... where is the smart man going to go?

she'd once told me i am a bundle of joy... when i look back, very often i only see a bundle of errors .. the choicest mistakes done with crackling delight
she was beautiful, smart and hopeful
she wanted to show me the light
turns out i was blind!

future-proofing

idle-contemplation about my future... reminded me of her words.. that she always saw a/some potential in me.. maybe that of a un-cut diamond.. or that she always thought i'd be successful... and then i connected this with the story-line of minority report... or any time-travel fantasy.. and the concept is...

that...

if you could find a way to get into the future and find-out how the events would un-fold... you could go back in to the present and ensure a better tomorrow. NOW, if only tomorrow's business-men could all go into the future.. and see the great conglomerate that i would build. all the people that would be my future competition could come back to today.. and make me some sort of token payment. on a recurring basis, to ensure that i do not enter their line of business and destroy them as my future-past-competitiors.

this way... i could get paid for doing nothing.. coz my nothing here would be very beneficial to their lives...
now if only science could take us where my mind went.. and if only more people read this blog.
kind friends.. .spread the word!!

do you realise?

Whenever i look at you!
i See immense potential
and then i realise
you will never realise any of it

things movies teach me....

the other day.. was by far the funniest thing i heard in a movie...

a mother-in-law-to-be wore a black dress at her son's wedding.... coz.. she didn't like her son's choice.. and said.. she was in mourning..
now if you have only one son.. .and that's his only wedding.. how funny a thing is that to do...

i tihnk like me.. them believe in ... doing all things that give.. maximum fun!

and then... today.. we saw the down side of being with someone better than u... wher yr perpetually insecure....luckily for me. .ther's no1 better

the insignificance of numbers...

there were 21 of them....

they took 16 out of 60

3 rejected me for what i'd done

4 for how i spoke

n 4 more for the way i look

10 of them i ignored...

and then when i look back upon the last 6 months.. i am the most-active-kid...

and then when i consider the people they took. i have little to consider...

didn't i always say numbers always lie... i like my reality. or what is left of it

music..

music is sucha powerful.. loveable thing....

i fall in love.. when i hear her phone grunt 'smells like teen spirit'.. its sucha high...

i fall in love with her voice.. when she says... its a sound that only i can hear...

and this as i type.. is 15 mins away from a financial presentation which i know nothing about....

but as he says... sab moh-maya hai...

is it more important to post this blog or read the case.. so i have opinion on what i will be speaking about... i think the choice was already made.. a while back ;)

festive seasons are so nice.. so special.. u rise above all petty things like seminars, festivals, family obligations... grades, presentations and social obligations..


cause...

Listen when I'm silent there's a
Sound that only you can hear
Listen when it's quiet I know
You can hear it, cover up your ears
Cover up your ears

names....

this song reminded me of her.... her uniqueness... and how i could, never name her name..

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star?
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name

she was unique when i fell for her..
she remained unique in what we did...
she still is unique in how she plays me....
this probably deserves a sufficiently unique ending?

summitt

if wishes were horses
kings'd fly
if she was any more real
this life'd be a lie
she says she likes me
for who i am
for what i stand for
and the things that i do

but she isn't tied-down
she couldn't get in such-an-arrangement
she is averse to a-simple-kind-of-life

Abortion

Sometimes there is an abrupt ending to promising stories, sometimes man wills it… sometimes circumstances do it… sometimes the situation takes a life of its on & takes matters in its own hands. It isn’t about the relevance of the instance or the significance of it… it is usually just there to live with and deal with… its not about the person either.

But when things do end, do change there is a fresh-ness that follows… an escape from the realm of familiarity… from the realm of helplessness, the pressure, the despondency and there’s something to smile about again… something to fall in love with… Someone gives way to something and nothing becomes no-one.

Prime-time

the time allocated to a person in the confines of my head.. would also be an indicator of how relevant or significant their presence is to me... how much their absence can hurt me.. and how their un-knowing actions cause the greatest dis-comfort.. the joy in their touch and the unity of dedication.. all these thoughts when dedicated to a certain person for whatever duration is called their showing on prime-time.

Prime-time is usually inversely proportional to the good times in their lives… as at any given point of time… only so much happiness can exist on this planet, so, when one person is happy… another has to be equally miserable… sometimes both are miserable and maybe this is the only way there is equitable distribution of wealth.

ode.. continued

and... something that happend to someone in the last 4 hours... reminded me.. .another reason i like women so much.. or enjoy sharing a drink with them!!

is coz they never get piss drunk and bad-mouth ppl or come down to physical blows...

the worst that can happen if the woman with you gets really drunk is.. .she'll be easy to get in to bed... that most often might not be sucha bad thing after-all..

wonder where this puts alcohol.. or what would be the right company for drinking..

Ode to the other-kind!

Women are such wonderful people... really my favorite half of the human race.. i don't think even an hour passes by when i am not using/reminded of... something someone taught me once upon a time...

ofcourse most of it usually from so long back in life.. .and seems so much from the past.. that i wonder if i have stopped my learning now... and if i have learnt enough.. but then when has a student ever felt confident about all the learning they could get from the master.. there always seemed more.. especially for someone like me.. (this no-one else is supposed to know.. or go figure)

i was just in the mood of a couple of beers tonight.. nothing exceedingly drunken.. and it reminded me of someone from again SO LONG BACK and her theory of excess's... and how it wasn't always about going all the way.. and how different degrees of things held different levels of satisfaction.... i was ofcourse.. young and un-aware then... now i understand and well like in most cases.. i can only understand :P

so much about them i admire.. from the obvious simplicities to the spinning complexities.. (i don't think i've met any simpler than me though) or any more complex than her.. and yet their charms would remain un-matched... their ways would remain just as special... and my love for them.. hmm i wonder what comes after this!

When you feel cornered from all sides....

.....Its ascertained you're all alone!

days like these

sometimes.... living itself is so tiresome and difficulT!

i think on days like these it just isn't worth it... to live-anymore...

but you can't really pause life.. take a break and return?

Sufficiently Drunk!

Its such a funny thing to think of.. when is? a person.... sufficiently drunk?

It took him thrice the effort it usually does...
was he sufficiently drunk when he made the confession?
or when she took him to a room in the marriott?
or when he puked at home or broke a beer bottle...

well.. last nite was abt a lot more i think...

anyway... so we went to drink and had to drink more..
and then we went home and had to drink still more

and then they took us out partying.. or tried..

but bapu ensured.. we didn't get too far.. bapu's happy b-day dry day..
n then the terraces were locked.. so v jst sat at home n drank more :S

n then i accomodated myself on a bed....

woke up at noon... to a asleep-huose..

and then.. we micro-waved some coffee... some conversation... the newsppr.. n the fukin matrimonial if u blv moron kids..

but all in all a beautiful mornin followed by a relaxing afternoon.. let me complete the evening by digging through a book.

good-day to u also plp!

i went for a movie today... to this multiplex which was within 100 mts of 2 other equally large multi-plexes...

kinda odd.. almost no1'd believe this 5 yrs back.. more importantly no1'd imagine they'd all be running close to house-full ....

anyway.. while there.. i was thinking it'd be so cool.. to study the operations of a mall or how they do all the internal things.. like what we do see is the clean front but the amount of back-end work involved would be so phenomeonal.. and so much fun to study... now tht is the kinda corporate project i'd be really happy doing...

maybe i should try something there.. though i am realyl lazy abuot these things.. so if any of you guys can figure out some-way where i can get a chance to work with 1 of these stores.. pour in your suggestions...

anyway the point of discussing stores was... i parked my car in the basement of the mall today.. and then after the film.. when we came down.. we realised the basement goes upto 2 levels... since i'd gone up after parking through the drive-in area... and after the film used the elevator to get down.. i felt rather dis-oriented and out of sorts on where to locate my car...

at this point i split my friends into teams to go look for the car... ehehehehhe (trust the mgmt students to have a planned approach) and then we realised its on the other basement level...

reminds me i'd read once.. that it used to happen in the US that they had multiples levels of parkings.. and ppl wud tend to forget where they'd parked and be moving aroudn aim-lessly.. and then one of the innovative solutions was to use fruits as symbols to differentiate floors.. coz numbers ppl easily forget... i rem smilin to myself when i read this..

n i smiled today again to think... soon this might be the case with my city.. and i might park my car on the water-melon level coz i like the fruit so much ;)

Park-lane

Parked on a half pavement of the city-street at 3:30 in the morning.. listening to some inane music that says “so take, take me home” I wonder what home is and how much distance separates me from this home.. looking outside.. the silhouette of a city, a concrete jungle all-asleep… street-lights with all the towers and people in them asleep..

As rain drops patter on my window I am sitting in this town of “English Weather”

Its difficult to search for oneself when you don’t know what you are looking for.. makes the quest a tad more difficult…

The luxury of an almost empty 4 lane road, the car to park at the corner of this road, a laptop to tap-on and maybe an internet card to be online even from here would to a large extent be all that I’d expect and be content with, if I could get…

As the music was shut off by chance suddenly silence surrounds us except for the odd groaning of an over-strained 100 cc bike engine rode like it was a ducati….

My optimistic clock shows the time as 1:13 and the wind that blows is almost the only sound to be heard…

Driving to this place as I drove by her house.. I remembered her kitchen… how we’d sat on the slab… and she’d made coffee in another life…

More 100 cc maniacs.. SOME form of muslim morcha this is… they’re never for a cause never for a reason.. the only reason for a morcha is itself..

Anyway.. again remembering her… there was so much about her that was also unique, the way she said things were always better when they were less messy…

The way she looked with her thick-rimmed glasses and small beautiful eyes…

Reminds me of a brilliant quote from before sun-set.. let me try and look for it now.. to end this post…

Memories are wonderful things, if you don't have to deal with the past.

once upon a time....

ONE of the most extreme forms of pure sexual tension i have felt with another person was in one of the simplest gestures known to man-kind...

we'd gone for a film... in a group heh.. there's something oddly beautiful.. about start-ups.. romantic about romance if that doesnt sound too obscure.. which lets you do so much more when you freshly meet a person... makes it kinda intriguin even to know you can-not really hang out with a person.. alone.. so anyone.. we went for a movie... and ofcourse we sat together...

and then from under the arm-rest.. i hunted for her hand... the movie was special... one of the better films to have come out .. .in the last few yrs.. .but what made it better still was the clasping of that hand... the intensity that was directed.. the energy almost with which i held on to her.. words fail me as i try to describe the intensity of that moment.. but being in it.. was special..

simple things like these... just holding her hand.. can sometimes generate a more intense feeling than being in her...

LOST IN TRANSLATION

from meeku to vbv...

vbv to veerya

veerya to lil boy

lil boy to vebbu...

vebbu to vb...

vb.. to v2....

i wonder which one of them is me and where is life headed anyway???

movie goers

heh.. thats what we used to call ourselves... some 5 yrs back now....
when me sabby n vikku used to go to cine magic and watch all the films that released...

cine magic was this safe heaven that played all the new english films that'd release.. in some obscure show.. and there'd always be tickets.. life was good then..

now after all these yrs.. only me n sabby r left here.. n we also barely manage to scramble thru sometime for these movies... god bless these holi-days...

anyway.. today after requiem for a dream.. i went for Dansh ... dansh means sting.. pretty intriguin.. i didn't know that.. anyway.. dansh is about the militancy that happened in Mrizoram in 1980's before it was declared a seperate state.. their fighting for liberation and stuff like that.. must see in a lot of ways..

when it had jst about started.. or rather all along i had a fair idea it would be different.. most people would classify these films as bad.. and yet i try and see as many of them as i can help myself to...

some glaring examples always come to mind. .some were exceptionally good.. some were exceptionally bad... like hazaron khwahisheh aisi... chai pani... white noise... dhoop.. hyderabad blues.. (which in a lot of ways started this trend)

all of these films.. almost all of them.. at some point of time seem glaringly bad.. are very unprofessional or not slick enough.. but each one of them.. has a message.. a reason for them to be there... there is a clear cut purpose why the person made that film.. and i think that usually is reason enough to make me want to go to a theatre...

i'd much rather see a million more such films than a technical marvel which had no reason to be made in the first place...

what i learnt from this film... it taught me or showed.. that a mob.. or a group of people have no identity of the people left.. they are no longer representing the beliefs even, that these people stand for.. a mob comes to life has an identity of its own and only the mob can be held responsible or accountable for the actions.. the group of individuals have almost nothing in common with the mob...

maybe after a healthy enough dosage of these i have lost the ability to appreciate the fine qualities or refinments in a film..

a requiem

for a dream....


just saw the film... what a film.. its like my life... almost...

starting with four normal ppl it tracks their journey to becoming four scums of society...

its funny how you see them start as normal people and how they end up as they do...

makes me wonder.. how easy it is for something like that to happen to some of us.. .it wouldn't even require too much luck or chance for that to happen.. such things usually have a funny way of taking care of themselves...

anyway... a must watch for every optimist... a reality check we all need

post-posting

It's over now, I'm cold, alone
I'm just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me
(Nothing means a thing to me)
- K's Choice - Not an Addict....

so i write this... post event.. its over.. finally 1 event gone down the drain.. or so much effort which eventually amounted to very little... she said a good event is also about successful execution.. it was rather alright executed i guess.. but it didn't have a zing... there was nothin special.. there was no sense of joy.. delirium.. just a sense of its over.. i don't know what or how much that sense stands for.. some people were happy.. some were congratulating each other.. but how many of them did how much for it.. how much did i do? it all seems like an irrelevant question... how much did i gain.. learn or accomplish by doing this...

maybe or hopefully i can say i made 2 good friends.. and had the opportunity of working with 2 fun ppl for this event.. i'd wanted to work with some of them.. so that was nice... but then the purpose is yet missing... this blog is now starting to lose its purpose i think.. even the blog no longer has a meaning...


Fresh Perspective: -

they were all working together.. it was fun working with all of them... a lot of people a lot of ideas.. a lot of fun.. a lot of adrenaline.. a lot of intellectual stimulation... friends and their friends and their friends and their friends.. all fun loving like minded people... more and more of them get together.. and it's like a never ending family.. suddenly life seems fun... as there are lots of fun things happening. .it a domino effect of positivity... and then one day.. there is a fight.. a difference of opinion..

do we then divide into factions? is there bad blood? ( i don't understand the meaning of this anymore)

all the same it reminds me of a very bad low-budget film shot in the middle east called "stop"

one of the cast would stay.. when enough things had gone bad for her.. she'd jst shout "STOP" like saying it could actually make all those evil things stop...

when we get to the evil lines.. we will find out.. i think

MOVIN' along

hmm... last few days have been a blur.. next few days will be a blur too...

i have been messing up a few important things in life.. coz the mental orientation towards them is missing...

and then decent amount of things have been trying hard enough to fall into place also... must appreciate that when you are part of too much.. you somehow lose the relevance of what you're doing and why...

being under-slept... walking into a house when everyone is asleep... and leaving the house within an hour of waking up... are some of the realities i have come to terms with.. over the last few weeks... soon ofcourse the orientation will change.. and my goal or my objective so to speak will be re-defined into a seperate mould...

some ppl i know have found new love.. someone else i know has fallen in love again... someone else also enjoys being in love...

which reminds of the film love actually.... did you guys see it in theatres locally? they'd cut 1 of the sub-plots in the indian version... there were apparently a blue-film couple.. which also fall in love.. while shooting one of their films...
kinda intriguin an idea.. makes me wanna re-visit the film.... some............day

POINTlessness

its amazing how much you can realise about yourself once you say something out loud.. and how easily it gets re-inforced if you repeat it ample amount of times...

the point of my pointlessness or how i feel dis-interested in everything was something that started out as a passing reference and then when i put more and more thought to it.. the only thing i see is that i am a part of so much and yet i am apart from all of it... it wouldn't make me the slightest of difference if almost any of it stopped existing tomorrow. i'd probably find a fresh substitute for it and continue like nothing changed.

existing.. living.. couldn't be jst about getting from today to tmrw.. and hopefully trying to enjoy the journey...

i wish someday i can find a purpose sound and meaningful enough to change the mood of my listless life... right now i guess we could even settle for someone who can make all of this seem a lil more interesting....

we can be heroes.... just for one-day!

AB & Friends

as i write this... its close to 4 am... its yet raining in mumbai... and i'm listening to xl ki kudiyaan waah bhai waah... i feel so much like a part of a b-school... i was talking to someone from SP Jain this mornin.. and discussing the chix there.. then i spent the whole day at nmims.. and am listening to songs recorded by iim-c and xlri kids...

this is ofcourse my 2nd attempt at writing this post.. the last one i cudn't recover... due to the roughly 15 hours that i took to write that thing... all the same.. last nite.. 4 of us were drinking.. and there were 4 other ppl with us... to celebrate so much.. but mainly celebrate each other now that i think of it... the way he said "its all under control" when he puked and locked himself in the loo for 1.5 hours... when he broke a beer bottle and when he refused to eat and drink vodka neat..

there is this fun feeling.. this really nice positive glint about finding new nice people who you know you'd want in your life for the next 20 yrs... who're brilliant and simple and such wonderful people.. mostly these friendships are more valuable than relationships too.. as they tend to last that much longer...

but then all the drink n discussion remind him of her... force him to think about her... him ruing over her.. and she starts thinking about him.. and once again the edges start blurring.. the vision gets distorted... n then a familiar sound comes to mind



Everything's so blurryand everyone's so fakeand everybody's emptyand everything is so messed uppre-occupied without youI cannot live at allMy whole world surrounds you I stumble then I crawlYou could be my someoneyou could be my sceneyou know that i'll protect youfrom all of the obsceneI wonder what your doingimagine where you arethere's oceans in between usbut that's not very far

ever wondered... how much more beautiful things look.. when you blur the edges... go fwd at breath-taking speeds... its kinda like speed-dating only better... speed-living if you can call it that.. where you don't think just do.. its an interesting approach to life.. where yuo keep yourself so busy so occupied.. you run from deadline to deadline ... meeting to meeting.. but never really meet anyone or stop for anything...

i wonder if you try to go fwd that fast.. do you really go fwd.. or is it more like going round in circles and being in the same position...

besidz.. after a certain age.. i think it becomes difficult to define positive growth or learning... this reminds me of the post about stere-o-typing or having a "funda" of life.. in middle-age.. would that be growth then?

hmm.. in this quest for nothing... i almost forgot.. i have no time left to read.. i haven't read something interesting.. met someone interesting.. in so long now... life should have these ppl coming in.. interminently.. tht make u sit up n take notice.. or maybe we shuold just do our bit and the rest follows...

she calls me the ultimate chase boy....

i want to have something... with love in it

well.. what i read was actually the reciprocal of this... a lil cryptic unnecessarily i realise.. but maybe i am give the 5 am let-go...

anyway... i read this and my first reaction was the song "what's love got to do with it"

heh.. over-exposed under-studied.. over-discussed and pretty pointless.. debate rages on.. i shall try not to lose focus..

loving anyway is more convenient and easy when its loving a book? loving a song? loving a phone?

ask the poor boy who was cornered at the AB table tonight.. life is difficult.. life is elsewhere...

i slept at 5 am 3 nights back coz i was playing nfs2
i slept at 4 am last nite coz i was working on a presentation
i sleep at 5 am again tonight coz i was finishing off SOM write-up...

either i'm working too hard... or i'm way-too-inefficient!

interpreting the interpreter

so... i guess as the title suggests.. i saw interpreter this evening.... ok afternoon... anyway.. each movie.. has an under-lying theme.. this one line... one scene.. one msg.. tht is usually a sub-sub-plot of it.. but is, the learning i take home after watching that film.

i've had this kind of feeling after very many films, but since i can't rem any of the previous ones i will share with you the lesson learnt from the interpreter

The key to get a person out of your life is ... to change the door locks and your cell phone number.

Now most of you kids, living in mumbai.. ok since 2 ppl read my blog.. 1/2 of you ppl might not consider it very relevant.. since well u live in home with other ppl.. yada yada yada...

actually all of u do.. so... well...

while i attend college..

Part 1 :
so.. i was jst observing in my class today... middle-aged people... some of them.. or maybe all of them.. come in with this school of thought... this value system or this set of beliefs... to put it colloquially... its "their funda of life" and almost anything you talk to them, can finalyl easily boil down to their funda in life.. its not about anything else.. but their fundas...

and how sometimes.. it can get outrageously annoying... i was just wondering.. when i hit middle-age.. will i also have a funda in life? and will this? then? become someone else's problem?

Part 2 :
Today.. we had a class in CSR (for the uninitiated - corporate social responsibility) and in this lecture... some groups were making presentation... so my enthu class-mates as ever were asking questions after the presentation.. the case was of bayer (germany company) which had stopped using some environmentally harmful chemical in their home-country... but was yet using it... in India.. coz.. german laws prohibited it.. and indian laws were not really taking much of a stand on it...

and then this guy asks the group that was presenting.... that... if the government has not taken a stand against it... how can you blame the company for making that chemical.. that as long as the government is not making it illegal... how can yuo call it a violation of the company's CSR if they didn't stop mfg tht chemical...

now.. i have never really claimed to be particularly attentive.. or particularly in love with my studies my course or my college.. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD can these people read the FULL-FORM of the class they're attending? CORPORATE social responsibility..

if it's not the corporates responsibility when they're polluting the environment... then who's is it
?!!!

but such is life...

Part 3 :
The other day.. this really bad prof was giving a class on quant.. n she really cudn't teach....
n then FINALLY when she did solve a sum... the whole class erupted into a wild round of applause...

now this prof of ours has a very live n let live approach to teaching.. so u can do anything in her class.. excpet something to disturb her.. so a LARGE section of the class was sleeping (in the last few benches) and when the eruption of applause happened all these people were disturbed from their slumber.. and woke up rather uneasily...

the look of irritation and dis-dain that they had towards their peers for disturbing them from making the most of the lecture.. was was... PricelesS!