mary christmas

when nine songs were written for you...

each dedicated to what you wore

on a day of the week.. and the two

weekend nights :$

men turned into boys...

mature pleasure into teenage joys

at the sound of your cackling laughter

I'm holding a candle and a seat

my kitchen slab is this famous eatery

might you be interested in a dinner date?

you make em run... from pillar to post

you make those eyes like yr raising a toast!

then you hold my hand as we cross the road :$

you're famous for trouble and how much you grumble

but yet deep down you're humble

I'll wait till the end and the famous bend

could i get your house number...

there are gifts to send :$

the post of a toast...

2009... you were a dear friend

with a new flavour

from beginning through end

as the music plays in the background

through coffee sips on my balcony

you drove slowly to a close..

with your unique after-taste

i'm compelled to concur with a heavy heart

a yr like yrself would be hard to find

you helped me experience... another love after the first!

you made me let go... of the dream that was 'her'

you questioned my assumptions and role in life...

you shattered my inhibitions like a 3AM honk!

you smelled like winter... with the after-taste of rain

you played in harmony... my strings once again

when the last decade had changed

i'd lost my innocence

i sit here & wonder

what price you'll claim!

once upon a party!

so... for once after a birthday party... i started writing this song... but well.. before i could finish.. the rest of the party woke up... we headed out.. the made came in... the place was cleaned... and the sentiment was lost... so here's what we could manage in all the time we had!... and then since he yelled @ us.. for being lazy.. i finished it!

there must be some kind of way... out of here!

said the dust-bin to the kitchen sink!!!

there's too much of filth & grime... i can't hardly breathe

friends, they throw empty beer cans... other friends... left-over pizza!

none of them in all this time bothered to turn & give a second glance!

"i still feel kinda hammered" said the head to other parts of me!

"there are many around us.. who feel that last night was but an illusion

but you & i... we've been through enough of these... clearly its no first date!

so let us not be too hopeful... just pray for the MAID!!!

all along the balcony floor, smokers threw ash

while all the food came & went, left-overs, too.

outside @ JayaMahal in the distance the dog did bark,

two guards were approaching, walked cautiously in the dark

they call her destiny!

so... it started a morbid july.. or was it august... when L'O'real came to campus :) that was the first.... first of many :)

such was the naivete! the brilliance of those early days of an MBa... when we thgt.. .it was all probably possible... so here's my favorite list.. .for posterity! that i don't particularly feel like explaining @ this moment!

1. L'oreal! - GD

2. Britannia - GD

3. Mahindra - Interview

4. E-clerx - Interview (they wanted me cos i'd been with JPMC... rofl!)

5. Wipro - Interview

6. Ceat - BORN TOUGH! - Interview (i told them about how tyre sales explain how a country's economy is performing... HELL! if lip-stick theory is acclaimed & accepted! GOD knows i had more logic going on tyre-theory!)

7. Avalon - GD (one wonders... who was luckier from this rejection

8. GE - GD

9. Tata - CV

10. Perfetti - CV

11. AF Fergusson - CV

12. Titan - Interview

13. Wipro II - Interview

14. Cavin Care - CV

15. Eveready - GD (they took DAGA! like SERIOUSLY!)

16. Siemens & Big Bazaar!

lucky 16 or something... oh well that was some roller-coaster eh?

if one believes in destiny... this summers... set-us-up for a final interview that snow-balled into last 2.5 yrs in retail... :)

anyway....

as he pointed out the other night... remember... ONCE UPON A TIME! when we used to write exams... and unit-tests... and SO ON...

the LAST exam... always was a victim... of the first guy who left your exam room! i mean how could you still be writing an exam when his vacation had already begun! sacrilege!

how far n further away we have come from those days!

weekend somehow never can compare... neither can long weekends... or annual vacations!

we're just responsible or answerable for too fuckin MUCH!

the money's!

so... today i sat in a meeting... with ms. dollar S...

WHATHEFUCKJUSTHAPPEND!

DOLLAR?

you mean richie rich's DOG?

the currency of the US of A?

NO SILLY !

this is a lady in my office...

i mean SERIOUSLY?

anyway... since meetings have a spirit of their own... & a mind & life of their own...

these thgt's came thru...

so her children might be cents & pennies?

cousin's would be... euro... pounds & rupees?

niece's & nephews would be?? pence? paise? and the list is well end-less depending on how many currencies you like!

everybody loves money i suppose... but trust the neighbourhood Gujrati man... to best find a way to express his love...

i SHUDDER at the thgt of ... what ms.. $ may have gone through in the early teens & onwards!

the half-stifled laugh... gains a whole new meaning from this vantage point...

i somewhere in some weird way want to say.. atleast they were honest! but not really man! they ruined a life... Jeremy's no folk-legend after-all...

i shall wait for redemption day :)

when i met kanhaiya!

3 long weekends in a row... almost seemed too good to be true... yeah?

first... folks were coming into town.. fair.. enough... they had to see things around here!

second... she was gonna come down... visit her sis n me.. perfect.. 3 days of partying...

n last... i was going to goa... taking 1 day extra chutti...

it was a 5 day goa trip planned... i'd already told him also... i'll take my first holiday... in this new job.. how cud he have said NO anyway... the tickets were booked... fairly cheap as well! all was going as per planned! then as usual... SHE happened! much too familiar.. isn't this? i think SO!

so... we were supposed to be in Goa... the same.. weekend.. she with her friends... me with mine.. and we'd all chill or something.. but that'd be too simple... too ideal.. or just not something that happens in MY LIFE!

so she switched her goa & b'lore weekends... typical? almost...

which meant i had a 3 DAY WEEKEND with NO PLAN... ALONE in BANGALORE! boy that weekend wasn't my favoritE! course.. the one i wrote about... b4 this post.. clearly found a way to 1-up & more that weekend... it also meant... that i was in GOA the exact time she was here...

so.. then... i had a backup bus-tickt ready... for the night.. then as the day came closer... work.. continued to pile-on.. even the boss said.. "boy... save some money... take the bus tonight instead of the afternoon flight"

and then it strted... @ 10 that night.. .the bus journey to goa... supposed to be there in 12 hrs straight! so... the bus had a flat-tired @ 8 am.. something.. which i slept thru... @ about 10:30.. we stopped at kamat's... supposedly... for b'fast break... n were about to start again.. then we hear the news.. .that there's floods a few kms ahead.. and we can't go nowhere! the bus guys.. took us to the nearby train station... only to find... the train hadn't come... all day & the next one was scheduled for 11PM that night... clearly an option ruled out... @ 11AM...

so we all.. came back to kamat's.. .and were joined by half-a-dozen buses more... for the 1st couple of hours.. i just cooled my heels in the bus... i mean y bother going n struggling if there are already 10 odd young couples dying to do it anyway.... then suddenly by 1:30 i wondered if i'd be the only one left behind herE!!

that's when i got introduced to Kanhaiya... my 50 yr old...neighbour on the bus that ONCE was... so... then... v all talked n stood arnd.. n so on.. then some adventurous lot... got 3-4 cars on hire.. .found an alternate route.. n left with their girls... after-all safety of the women was more imp they said! suddenly 'twas me.. Kanhaiya.. n a few other random ppl left...

Me n Kanhaiya decided... it was the right time to strt hitch-hiking... so both of us.. took out our bags... n strted walking in the rain.. with Goa abt 200 kms away.. .n a flooded road in btwn.. we were clearly being hopeful :)

so after about 25 failed attempts.. we finally hitchiked a ride in an ancient truck.. which also dropped us.. only after going 3 kms ahead.. cos the road was blocked... @ this junction.. we bonded with a cop.. for abt 20 mins.. who really wondered what was such pressing business in Goa.. that v'd brave torrential rains... and take off... walking!

anyway.. so it turns out... the road was blocked... cos the army was trying out some "sea bird operation" and dug up or something... ironically... that was the name of my bus svc as well!

anyway.. seeing our urge to carry on .. the cop recommended.. we take a bus to a de-tour town.. abt 5 hrs away.. n then take a bus / train from there.. since v'd be sufficiently away from the flood zone! n coz this road surely wasn't opening tonight! so v set-off in an ST bus.. n 5 hrs later.. reached this new town... to figure out.. there was no bus goin till after 10 pm.. .the train was @11.. n a cab would come around 10 pm also.. so with 2 hrs to kill min.. me n kanhaiya.. figured... let's go grab some dinner n drinks! if i haven't mentioned this yet... all of this... was happening on 2nd oct... a dry day... but what's the pt of being in an Indian-small-town if you can't break the rules... so we got 2 quarters of RC for ourselves :) n then a good dinner... n then retired... into the General compartment of our train to goa!

only to realize... the adventure was for from over! so apparently.. half of our train went to goa.. n the other half to delhi.. from a stn 2 hrs away... needless to say... v were in the wrong half! also... the general.. dabba meant.. v had the distinction of travelling with insects... spiders... n friendly neighbourhood cockroaches! anywho... somehow... sitting up.. those 2 hrs... passed... v got off @ launda.. jn... got into the ac-3-tier... n bribed the TC to give us some berths to sleep on... after some haggling when he finally relented.. the man says! "i've been on this route for 17 yrs! for the first time in my service here... today... the second AC has gone FULL!"

Like he taught us yesterday... what do we want to give you as take-aways from this one?

- Kanhaiya our man... had a GREAT spirit @ 50! n really helped us get to goa... even if only for 36 hrs.. after travelling for 36 hrs!

- at the under-belly of the well-oiled, smooth, swanky India that shines... lies the real-india.. which can very easily surface.. at the slightest of problems that may occur.. no real calamity needed... so really... our progress is only skin-deep!

at best one can hope... they don't have to come face-to-face with the reality of how BITTERLY India shines... at the seams... too often :)

spirit of bangalore!

so... since last weekend was goa... and most of my friends... weren't around.. this weekend... till about now.. had had no alcohol in it... which... in OTHER cities.. is not sucha big deal.. but the spirit of b'lore takes offence... to there being no spirits in YR weekend!

so.. after a night.. when nothing really happnd... i was driving back home.. from the friends place.. n i stopped over for paan... opp hard rock.. n then.. there were a bunch of cops.. chkin for alcohol ahead.... i figd.. no big deal! here i am.. i've not had alcohol since the rum maggi experiment failed on thursday... whats to worry! n then.. i went thru the breath-analyzer... post the preliminary test.. the cops asked me to step out of the vehicle n blow air into their breath-analyzer (now with a straw) n GUESS WHAT! it shows 70% alcohol in my breath (normal level, @ which they let u walk away is 20%) so... i'm flabbergasted! WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? AND HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE ! I HAVE NOT HAD ALCOHOL IN 36 HOURS! MY MAN!!

anyway... since its the IT CITY we are in... we're ALL technologically enabled.. so their breath analyzer worth 90k is imported from germany (father-land pays and father-land takes it away) tells them.. that i'm QUITE drunk... and i'm talkin to about half a dozen cops who're @ this junction.. ALL agree.. i'm not exactly drunk... n i'm walking n talking fine.. but their machine says.. i'm drunk... AND ITS RIGHT! so.. one man.. takes his blackberry.. takes down my car number & contact details.. then we head over to his bike.. where he brings out a pocket printer & course.. his bb has sent all the details to this... and so has the breath analyzer.. n he took a print-out of a court case against me..!

the man says.. "come to court on monday 11am.. appear before the magistrate... and tell him you didn't drink, appoint a lawyer.. who can fight your case" and i'm like SERIOUSLY! why are you doing this to me... ofcourse he had nothing to say.. then we spoke for a little more.. he asked for my driving license & RC book.. (since i didn't have the original RC book) he goes.. pls deposit the car @ the police stn... and take it back on monday.. once the case is resolved... n suddenly ALARM BELLS started ringing in my head! its one thing to false accuse me and make me pay a fine.. its ANOTHER to take away my car from me.. n i protested more.. about how i did not drink.. but by the end of it.. the handful of cops.. were fairly irritated with me.. and didn't want to hear anymore.. and said.. deposit the car n fuck-off boy!

so.. since there really was.. no solution to all of this mess.. i figd.. i'd go drop the car.. so me n this cop.. strted drivin towards the police stn... v spoke a bit.. n he essentially told me.. if the machine says yr drunk.. yr DRUNK boy!! n then.. he took down my address n other details.. i tried to understand from him.. what happens in the court.. n he says.. u can accept yr guilty.. n pay btwn 1600-2000 or protest.. .get yrself a lawyer.. n fight yr case.. OBVIOUSLY this means... pay the money.. n get on with life.. this on a MONDAY @ 11 AM... with no real line-of-sight of HOW LONG this might last on the said monday... n i'm like.. there has to be a better way to do this...

since i'd spent abt 15 mins with this cop... n he seemed fairly ok.. .with me being an innocent victim of the fatherland tech glitch.. i asked.. if i cud jst pay the court fine to him.. and get out.. he had some pity.. and agreed for it! so i told him.. pls come with me to the ATM & let's close this.. v go to the ATM & wonder of wonders... the bank a/c for which i have a card doesn't have the funds.. n the other cards are home... so... i came back to the car.. opened my laptop.. which i HAPPENED to be carrying for some random reason... n e-banked money into my said account... which obviously took.. WAY longer than it's supposed to.. cos i was standing besides a cop...

then @ 1215.. it finally gave in.. and the transaction happnd... i withdrew the money... paid the cop... he requested me to drop him back to hardrock.. n gave his phone no.. to collect the receipt on monday.. while getting off he goes.. " i'm sorry to fine you.. wrongly... but since the machine detected your breath with alcohol a case is already registered online & we are unable to cancel it, it's not because we want to harass you... but we can't make a decision here"

as much as i hated the situation i also understood and agreed with what the man had to say... since there was nothing better to say or do... i came home... opened a can of fosters draught.. and started typing this! since clearly... the spirit of bangalore was offended i had had a DRY weekend!

shiny new things :)

the girl who shines... in the darkest shade of gray.... who's cool as a cucumber at noon in delhi-may! she rode into the horizon... on 'my little pony' when i told shiny 'i love you' she called me a phony! when she orders rum & coke... i drink up till v go broke! then she lights a cigarette... all my nerves finally at rest! v'll go to the mountains and find a short-cut to the sea... if i had only one wish.. i'd keep shiny for ME! :)

home... or home

and thus comes to a close... a family visit... funny how these things change... from being @ home always... to looking forward to a few hours of peace... when they'd leave you and go out of the house... to a few days... when they'd go visit...some relatives... and you'd get to be on yr own... do your own thing!

to this... when... once in a yr or 2... you move to a new city... and they come... visiting... to see how you live in your NEW adopted home... to see how u eat... well... life sure goes on... and then the trips back home.. which with time become more and more infrequent... as less & less of what used to yr ppl remain... when all that's left in a city.. is a bag-ful of memories... its not very hard to catch up even when yr sitting in yr balcony...

i suppose this is growing up... but did any of us.. really sign-up for this...

all these ppl... move to other cities find new ppl & make it home... i dun think tht'll ever happen with me though! i go to all these cities... i can live there a few yrs... enjoy.. appreciate.. their difference... and then... one fine day... i'll go back home :)

until then... world's our oyster! and we live alone & away from these ppl...

The Morning Song

Some girls are good

Some girls are great

Some girls are only worth an afternoon date

Sometimes its love

Sometimes its lust

Sometimes its just a bunch of unrequited feelings gathering dust

Some look for answers

Some look for meaning

Some just look at having you on all 4’s and screaming

A few why’s get answered with age

A few where’s with the choices we made

It’s the how’s that had us howling at nights J

life... universe and everything :)

so... today... while talking to her... we cracked the golden-code to life... that... our lives atleast... as regular kind of people... are fairly predictable... i mean... unless yr like him.... jo duniya ki MAA chod dega... mostly... most of us... do fairly alright... get married... live fairly happily and get on... its a little important.. for this discussion to NOT look at life.. from this week... this month or this yr perspective ofcourse... n then... we conclude... that... LIFE ... is fairly predictable... it may not... always be as punctual as we wish'd... or hope'd... it were... so maybe yr dream profession will be you... 10 yrs later? maybe u'll have 2 divorces b4 the happily ever after... or maybe... u'll jst finally be @ peace with self... after the 3rd divorce? and it may... lastly... get a lil forgetful... or foggy on the details... so maybe... you marry kalpesh over kapil... but essentially... it'll be some1.. who'll in some weird way.. love u.. n do sweet-nothings for you... n make u feel... SOME form of spl... if nothing else works... stokholm syndrome will surely kick-in!

but net-net... what we see is.. we're all on the right path to enlightenment!

OFCOURSE... let's hope ... all the shit... i've written above is NOT really true... in which case...

in the spirit of today's latest buy-out of marvel by disney... in my fantasy world....

i wanna be MER-BLADE tada-n-tada-n!! with fishes for friends... and fins for legs... n ray-bans n a gun... BOY i cudnt ask for more :)

schmidt!

there were days... and there were ways!

things were said... when stuff was meant...

when i wasn't sold... over the pavement... on a single cent!

the back of a rusty nickel.. the silhouette of a broken bulb

the trash at the base of bin... or the empty within...

were each worth a little more... way back in yore!

when i was worth a few inches more... at least in your eyes :)

now the slow dance and romance

is only a farcical disenchant..

to the story of my life

good times!

...meeting-hoppers...

ok... i know.. this is NOT what we set-out to right... but can i JUST SAY!

COMING BACK to LIFE is just the mostest bestest song... ever written... it has powers of rejuvenation... that surpass all music... i have ever cared to pay attention to... in the last number of years!

anywho... moving along with our chatter... this one is about the cult called meeting hoppers...

each company has them... they're a tight-pack! like all hopping varietY!

they are armed with the right dress-code always ofcoursE! the bb's with the brickbreakers and the ability to multi-task and yet grasp!

they know those right... 3 odd words to say... to always seem attentively included!

n i think.. like pub-hopping... they're an equally redundant... addictive... activity!

i'd love to say more... but i think when you look from the inside... you see precious lil!

doormatism

the beautiful outcome... of that over-glamorized... allegedly warm-fuzzy-gooey feeling... called being in LOVE!

haven't we all... been there and abouts?

it has come through... and come true... for just about every1 i know... they are all... stud-boys... capturing mountains and madame's along their way... and then they all stumble upon their kryptonite...

I'm not even sure... if they really feel so much... or it's just something on the check-list of growing up! it's important to have loved & lost before you turn 25... else dude... you haven't really lived!

i mean... how else... will you keep them guys entertained... when yr 30 & 35... and drinking out with old friends? i mean we all lead lives... filled with money & material... it's really only these sob-stories... that makes us real people... instead of caricatures of consumerism... or that's what i used to think... now i wonder... if this is another pinnacle... of the mt. consumerism... where they just glamorized this whole concept... to justify all those songs... movies... and cards?

not to mention... individuals suffering from doormatism... leave no stone unturned... in bending over backwards... to get screwed... the most expensive of toys... are spent on the least caring of takers :)

the real beauty of doormatism ofcourse lies in the fine balance that... even if you have been door-mated by your trillian... you will still treat another like a door-mat when they shower such unreasonable affection your way! in some ways it serves every-one righT! to love ppl unconditionally... i mean is there a stupider concept than that? imaginable?

i mean sure... love yr kids unconditionally... cos yr actually responsible for bringing them into this mess anyway... i don't think you need much more reason to put up with them... forever and ever...

course... if you believe the queen of consumerism... like all other FMCG products... she put an expiry date on blaming yr parents as-well... should we... walk-over to the mall and buy new parents or a new bunch of excuses? what might help you accumulate enough wealth... that another harry potter needn't be written? hopefully?

since... there really is no nice way... to stop ranting on sucha night! let's just go with what we taught naku(u)l - [dear i defy numerology!] back in BMS

in conclusion... we would like to END

simply smily

did she forget to mention?

how long... is too long to wait?

did she forget... i was standing on the edge of her room

listening in... on the static of her life... as it passed me by...

was there... a graceful exit... with mutual respect... a turn i forgot to take...

when on a rainy... sunday afternoon... a call went un-answered... deliberately?

in the ackward pauses of... hoping... and everything...

in the hopeful bashes.. of my lost feelings...

i'll reconcile my differences

you please keep smiling :)

Someplacelse

Golden dots of delight!
that puncture the cloudy sky...

traffic lights that trail @ snail pace
as my eyes trace their path towards the horizon

the smile that breaks... despite itself!

the idiotic emotion... called HOME

i exist in every city i move to

but i continue to LIVE only through you... MUMBAI

my introduction to cool

there is... so little that is to say.. but so much.. to just... feel.. remember and reminisce over...

going back to the days of school.. when we were.. in the least... MUCH less than cool...

he introduced us... to this one.. "english" tape... Dangerous!

suddenly... a new language was introduced... a new kind of music...

micheal jackson... and all those new possibilities!

it's almost like your first crush... and with my kind of issues @ letting go... how wud 1 ever get over this 1....

then... a few yrs back... n our beloved on toes... re-kindled an old flame... what with... 1 in the mornings... semi-drunk 20 somethings @ semi-past midnight.. watchin thriller videos on 4 LCD's... livin up the GOOD TIMES as they say!

n then... his phone.. caller tune... was oh MJ! so MJ!

the man who was in his glory days... when we were born... the king of pop when we were young...

is dead now... while we push towards anonimity... sure these kids can't figure out WHAT all the fuss is about! MJ is dead.. .SO?

rich man's car crash

so... nothing says... car crashes are good... or people like totalling their cars... not that this may not be true.. but we can fairly assume that's not the case with most of the lot... atleast not the one's i'm writing about here!

so... we have all i suppose... been through one major car-crash... and it has to be good... fire-works... something which causes the insurance firm to sit-up.. take notice :)

it's not so much about who's fault it is... i think? i mean obviously we're never... 100% in the right... and in most cases... we're not even 100% in the wrong.. put in a scoopfull of negligence... another scoop of the mood or the moment... add a dollop of this being at an un-earthly hour... and a dash of the thrill... of this being sucha "cool" THRILL!

again... we won't go crash our cars just to have the story i would think...

BUT! once it has happened... we like to milk it.. for all its worth... what with some realizations that you probably anyway wanted to get out? the facebook photo op? the bar-room stories of flashing and blinding lights!

ofcourse.. like all things unfortunate in life.. it is only permissible in moderation... you can cause monetary loss... and talk of it with a twinkle in your eye for the next fortnight... but... you lose a limb... yr kinda fucked... you run over innocent road sleepers.. BOY YR FUCKED!

i am ofcourse... very much part of this brigade... so i wouldn't call this "me ranting against things going wrong" lets' just try to call it.. "a study of social behavioral trends today?"

so... here's waiting for ... another set of rubber steel & glass pile :)

A Midsummer night's freak!

You fuck me to bits..
You suck on my tits.

When it's dimly lit..
I'm probably massaging yr clit!

When the frills don't do it..
We even fuck for thrills..

It's cheap when we're fighting over it..
I'm a creep when I'm forcing you into it!

Sometimes you get on top
Then you shudder to a stop!

You hold the wooden plank
As the bed goes clank-clank-clank

Then the show ends abruptly sometimes
The audience just claps and leaves?

today... i feel.. like chris isaac... singing....

when i was younger....

i used to think...

i could win?

now i WONDER!

how i WONDER!

hmmm... anyway... i have given up and given in... ppl keep stalling my life away...

i have absolutely no clue where i am going or what i'm doing here...

let's hope thru some magical serum i'm in banglore next week to find out more... about all this!