Silenced by the Storm

so.... its sometime in december.... sometime in the evening on a full-moon night...
this being calcutta winters... anytime in the evening is very very dark :)

and... we walk aroudn streets.. feeling a lil cold n cosy.. in a jacket.. with an ipod...

after a lil bit... we hit the terrace of our beloved bldg...

sit on the ledge... balancing on the lil terrace wall... n listen to the ipod... staring at the full-moon....

and there is a quiet.... in a still city.. with a mild winter... and semi-lit roof-tops... and music streaming... a quiet and peace... un-paralleled... experienced... once before... on a beach... at the 2 am's.... with waves crashing against life.... and me being the only self in sight.... (this english seems too richaisque... sadly)

so anyway... amazing thgt.. tht peace... is only mildly experienced... when u hit the roof...

anyway.. all of this is coming off very badly.. i don't think i can write today... so fuck it :)

that's what She Said...

she said...

let's start a radio-show... you and i... and the aim-less banter which continues anyway...

this... after she'd said... how she genuinely liked my voice.. and how i should consider the option of becoming an emcee?

this... when i think of... how much she loved hearing me... how much she has heard my voice... and how much of a first impression it inverably makes :)

anyway... moving along... last night brought some interesting insights..

he said... think of the big-bang... and from every point there on... the universe and all things small.. that are a part of it.. try ... to complicate themselves... become more complex... its the state they try to achieve... i could ofcourse state his examples here.. and drive the point home... but then you would not think about this... almost like i did not.... but... i'll let you think this 1 for yrself..

and as i processed what was said... it reminded me of her... how complex she is... how complicated she loves to make her life... and she cud almost go any distance... to keep things.. not so simple? ...

food for thgt: is she so in line with the universe and its ways?...? and is this why she felt like my universe to me?? :) (what does she call it? the ironic smile?) :)

and it reminds me of my elegant quest to simplify my life... how he ridicules the idea and says.. i only talk of simplicity and dig for complexity...

moving back to kolkata talk (somehow.. too many posts seem to be mentioning cal... one ways or another?)

so yeah.. we were driving around... and then... wonder of wonders... a cat happened to cross our path... and he just stopped... bang in the middle of the road.. .in the right-most lane.. at 6pm... on a high-traffic rode.. until one of the cars over-took us.. and passed that pt :)

i think i have mentioned this once before also... but it is JUST as amazing.. JUST as amusing.. JUST as calcutta.. each time it happens..

truly... my city of JOY

There is a boss....

So... as the title tells the tale... this one is about work-man's woes....

moving along...

I have decided to quit my job... make a career in writing.... this is based on all the million comments left on my blog... and like she pointed out... HOW some blog's are sponsored... cos they're so good n so popular n so many ppl visit them n shit... and mine isn't... so it must mean... i'm some what like a cult-brand... very much an acquired taste.. and what not's :)

so yeah... coming back to writing... i will be introducing a whole new genre to books... (just this morning i was reading how jayasuriya was important to cricket.. cos he CHANGED the way openers bat...) I already feel important... thinking of myself as some-one who brought in a WHOLE NEW genre to writing...


So my genre's called... fRiction... NOTICE.. its NOT fiction... its fRiction...
fRiction... bascially fiction... based on people's lives... which rubs them the wrong way...

pretty novel idea I figured...

and the title of this post..... is the working title of this master-piece...

suddenly... i feel spent... like i'v already said all i had to... as usual.. the build-up is grand... and the end is abrupt :)

and i suddenly have nothing much left to say...

but well.. fRiction... awaits its first great master-piece.. some...day....


p.s. random trivia: i have not washed my hair in 4 days... cos of the ear infection... and its gotten so dirty... i almost feel like i am supporting some life.. through my hair... and some lil eco-system of filth must be developing up-there :)
i was always a giver ;)

so.. this would be the 100th post listed on this blog... its been a while.. since we started?

we've been through our fair-share of experiences... in these 2 yrs? when we started this journey.. around the time we were in manglore... who'd expected... to last this long.... or be here tonight?? in my personal 2bhk.. .as described in the previous blog :P

anyway.. this one is.. about my first love.... the city of JOY! ... and the reason that brought me here...

so all of you... may have heard the randomest of stories about the work-culture in kolkata... about how shops close in the afternoon for 3 hours... (so the shop-keeper can take a nap post lunch) or how they actually kick you out.. if you happen to be the last customer :)

now we shall try and share with you.. some 3-4... experiences... from organized setups... which make this experience... better.. more unique... and as usual.. very very spl..

1. so let's start at home right? our first floor office.. they actually shut-off all ac's at 6 PM!! goes without saying... ppl are not welcome to stay longer.. and those who are not efficient enough to finish their work in office hours... suffer ;)

2. our friendly neighbourhood office... gives employees a snack at 6ish.. so if you happen to stay THAT long at work... you feel sufficiently energized...

3. this one has been my favorite since a while ofcourse... about how at 4:40 one evening.. we were climbing up the stairs... after our daily dose of kulhad tea... and this man.. was leaving work... with bag et al.. and actually told her.. "Good night, i'll see you tmrw"

4. his office bldg lift... stops functioning post 7PM.. once again... to make those in-efficient... non-work-life-balance ppl.. suffer for their crimes!!

all of these... are made extra spl... when you factor in them cabbies... she says i'm ironic... but if a man can not even admire and laugh at the irony... of WORKing... in kolkata...

i think their sense of humor... had an unfortunate accident :)

a place called home...

so... last-night.. was the first night at home... this morning.. we woke up... fought with the cable guy... requested.. the geyser guy to come over... but this post is about pleasant things... so we start over :)

so last night was the first night at home... we sat up till about 4... arranging stuff... in the rooms...
opening up.. atleast the FMCG n toiletries.. even if the clothes are still lying around :)

then... we made up the bed... so we could sleep on it.. lol.. that's a first.. in 25 yrs....
so the bed was a lil stiff (we do need tht new mattress) it was a lil cold also.. we need to find out where them blankets are... the PILLOWS were missed... but this is home right? might not be perfect.. but its ours for keeps :P

then.. woke up by about 10.... and first.. put the curtains.. on the windows... to block that early morning sun...

so the bedroom got 3 curtains.. and the balcony got the only one left ...

then we made ourselves some hot tea.... good tea.. in our lovely.. home-trade coffee mugs... (will nostalgia ever quit?)

and then.. the tv is in the other bedroom.. which was much too far... so we ended up moving the tv.. till the door to that room.. blocking that room altogether... but making the tv visible from all places in the house.. :) :)

i think one of the coolest things about living alone is that one can actually watch VH1 24x7 without having to switch channels ;)


and... then.. we setup a little more in the house..
and then came the master-plan to power up the speakers :)
god bless music...

so we setup the woofer and the 2 speakers in the hall.. in a pyramid formation.. as they'd ONCE instructed... and plugged it into the laptop.. and as we sit on the stool.. typing this... gavin degraw croons...

I don't want to be

Anything other than what

I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

something so symbolic.. about the song that played at that very moment? :)

and then we fixed ourselves ... a big bowl of cereal and milk (course.. now i'm regretting not having a clue.. how much wud become too much) but being the good-kid.. we shall finish it anyway...

the to-do's for today.. (wrt the house)

1. get geyser fixed

2. get pillows

3. get shoe brush

4. get pillows

5. get mattress....

i doubt i'll do more than 2 of these.. but like ajay said.. every morning we make our to-do list.. to priortize and finish our work? ;)

living alone seems like an interesting experiment from now... if all comes crashing down.. shreeni my friend.. yr room to the rescue :)

and while we're being polite hosts... almost all of you who may happen to read this post... are very much invited to come on over... the tv-trolley shall move.. to open the doors to yr spare room:)

interesting times...

so...

we met online n i went...

hey... i'm coming to bby... why don't we meet up this time.... and it struck me.... this'd be the third metro... in as many months... in which we both happened to be at the same time...

and this wud also be the third time... i'd actually asked her to catch up with me... something about it.. is probably sad.. but something about it... was also SO.. not me...

i mean.. i don't think its sucha BIG-DEAL for this to happen..

and then.. you put it against the backgrnd of her 25 yrs in bby... my 24 yrs in bby... n thtz abt 49 man yrs... ONLY spent in a single city.. n maybe you will see the irony... i feel abt us having sucha opportunity..



on another note.... though these 2 posts weren't supposed to be merged... but wht the hell?

so... LOST right... all of my loved ones.. love it.. swear by it.. blah blah blah..

i've seen all 3 seasons... (3.. right?) not under peer-pressure or anything.. but under the curiosity.. of what about it.. is it.. that moves them to bits... trashes their emotions.. and makes them feel... jack's pain... kate's love... and sawyer's... whatever it is sawyer feels...

so.. i went through 3 complete seasons.. happy.. maybe impressed at times... but never particularly moved.... UNTIL ... we came to the end of season 3... last episode... last 3 mins..

jack.. looks like some1 who doesn't believe in the power of the razor... or in the capability of a barber... a state very familiar to mine... in the last 5 odd yrs.. i guess??

and... then he says...
i've been flying a lot..
the golden pass that they gave us.. i've been using it..
every friday night.. i'd fly from LA to tokyo.. or singapore.. sydney.. and then i get off.. and i have a drink... and i fly home...

she asks.. why?
he says... because i want it to crash katie...

and it just STRUCK ME... at that very moment... of a very familiar feeling... i feel... each time i take a flight... how tired... i am... how content i'd be... if the damn thing just crashed... and it was over.... in that one moment... i almost feel like i'v lived too long now... seen too much.... much too much...

thgt for today

so... in this tryst with creativity... on this day... when i'm tired of living... i have come up with another gem...

i wish.... i could just cease to exist.... like a bug-ridden program from the matrix... who someone would pull a plug-on!
no repercussions... no explanations.. no residue... no feelings... no after-effects :)

so.. who all came last night?

so... it was saturday night at the "beach" again..

i came up with this very interesting 3-d view of a saturday
Dinner
Drinks &
Dancing? ;)

nifty?? don't you think??

so post-dinner... as we moved into drinks....

he was already there...
she dropped out at the last min..
she came with us...
she feigned a head-ache... sadly... she doesn't like us as much anymore i think sometimes...

he was there as usual...
he happened to come there..
he also came in to kill some time...
and wonder of wonders we met him at that place!!

so the motley-crew in itself was quite SOMEthing.. .and then there was all that alcohol.. :)
and then there was the BAND! playin blues.. now we didn't even know.. we liked blues.. and so much... until we sat thru their performancE!

and then... it just wasn't about what they were playing...

imagine the band.. all of them middle-aged guys..

the vocalist with a super-animated face and an extremely happy expression.. making us all wish.... WE COULD BE THAT HAPPY WHEN WE WERE WORKING... but then.. thats the beauty of being a performer i guess??

his bassist... another very competent artist... and providing some killer vocals to half the songs.. the guy has more gray hair... wore a white shirt and jeans.. and a beer belly :)

and his fingers were dancing.. walking on them strings... creating magic... and he had the most bored expression on his face... an expression that said.. yr 21.. yr enjoyin the music.. u think i'm doing something spl... i'm 42... i earn my wage like this... i'v been here.. done this.. .one-time too many.. .its not an expression of defeat.. or something whcih says that... i shud've been more in life.. its just something... which says... what u consider magic... is part of my job.. and a daily occurrence for me :)

ther's somethin so spl when u see that in a person.. we're a nation starved for heroes anyway.. and he may not be a national hero.. but he was my hero for last night :)

and then we followed the familiar route...
to the room with the best view of howrah at 3 am....
to a dark room where parachutes begin and end...
to a familiar place that friends call home...
to all things dear and worth living for....

sometimes i wondered if he'll die alone...
he said worry abt yrself sonny...
i'm atleast not uncomfortable being alone :)

#1

Its so.... empty...
Somewhere..
Somehow...
Someone forgot us... but anyway?
Somestuff just happens
Sometimes..
Somewhat beyond our control?

Some.. .say... its Fate
in Someways.. they're right... but...

Somethings' gotta give!!

of dreams... of growing up...

so... i randomly asked her.. and we got thinkin... what did we want to be ... when we grew up... what were our plans.. as 5, 9 or 14 year olds... and where did we see ourselves when 25's...

so i asked her.. and she said she was what she wanted to be.... but this 1's about me.. for a change ;)

so... what did i want to be... when i grew up... unlike nitin sadly.. i had no clarity or focus... no pilot dreams for me..

and sadly.. or in characteristic my style.. i had specific ideas about vague things i wanted out of life...

like let's see... i walked into shoppers stop andheri.. in mid 90's? considering thats when i moved to andheri.. and i'v only shopped there.. for the last 10 yrs... and i knew back then... in school... that this is what we deserved in life... so maybe that is when the first thgt germinated... about making a career in retail... ofcourse... you all know.. (heheh.. considering no1 really comes arnd here lately, you all here.. r prolly all of my alter-ego's n imaginary frnds)... the difficulties tht came in the way of actually pursuing tht career as a dream.. but it did come thru some-how.. what with the summers at pantaloon... the final placement at spencer's... can a dream be any more fulfilled than this?

let's see the second part of my dream.. as a 14 yr old again... i wanted to live in an extra large house.. live-alone... with multiple rooms... there was this fascination with the whole idea that.. it has to have.. more than one bedrooms... something to do with excessive capacity.. or extra space or something... ofcourse we wanted this in a high-rise.. in our beautiful bldg opposite siddhi vinayak.. but well.. .cut to '07... here in cal.. ther's a 2bhk to myself... which is furnished... 2 room's.. 2 bed's... 2 ac's... sofa-set.. dining table... all of 1000 sq. ft.. hell its bigger than HOME back in bby...

these.. r the 2 thgts.. abt growin up... tht did come to mind... and suddenly.. when i see em... i feel i'v SO COMPLETELY accomplished em both.. so to speak?

and then... there is this feeling of emptiness somewhere.. or a sense of in-complete.. or a sense of.. whatever did i want this for? in my life? and funny thgts come to mind... but BIG words at the end which say... BE CAREFUL... WHAT YOU WISH FOR... IT JUST MIGHT COME TRUE ;)

Aqua Serene

So there were things to celebrate... and things to ponder over...
and we ended up in aqua...

setting - roof-top open lounge bar..... with a lit-up pool... with beach chairs around it just on one-side.. and leather cushioning on these beach chairs.... good lounge music playing thru a live-dj..
so we sat here... drank for hours... conversations flowed like the water in the pool.... and then we decided to call it a night and go home...
we went over to his house... the familiar beautiful old world of kolkata.... his house... with its mind-blowing view of my howrah bridge...

all the lights we'd switched off... just the stray lights coming from those endless windows...buzz from the booze.. heh.. i like this rhyme... and then... he put in that tape of parachutes.. and it strted... tht serene voice..... with those simple words.... and a lit cigarette... that room did not need much more... that place... did not need much more... our lives did not need much more.. than just that serene moment... where everything folded and closed down... nothing really mattered except 2 ppl... looking out of that window... sitting alone in a quite room at 3 in the morning... and listening to them perform... just for us :)

stray thgt - it scared me to think... how much courage it must have taken him... to have lived thru his life.. to have come up with those words... at this wise-old age.... any1 can paint a pretty picture at 16.... but by 25.. life-happens to you :) and then... you know... how the story goes :)

Stray weekend thgts...

Brilliance.... like sheer mediocricty is matter of a moment!

SO here's some toilet humour.. from an alleged 24 yr old... who apparently hasn't gotten any for long..

IF nothing.. maybe some 14 yr old's on the verge of puberty wud appreciate this work :)

#1
roses are red
violets are blue

when my groin aches
will you come through?

#2
back n forth... in n out..
i wait for you... to lick my mouth

you slam the door... and shut me out!!

Quote UnQuote

Just some stray thoughts...

- The most successful love stories are the unsuccessful ones.

- Greatness lies as much in all that you chose to not do, as in doing all that you can.

- Peace, which some call happiness and others pleasure, is not measured by how long it lasts, but by the intensity of the always fleeting moment in which it visits us.

i miss jpmc!

n those requests... and the glee-ful abandon... and the thrill of doing nothing really...

and the beautiful ladies maybe?

New realizations & beginnings

It tremendously aggrevated my sense of loss.. nostalgia struck me much harder... and the part in me which wants to cling to the comfort of the old really wanted to run back to the maximum city and claim... that.. which had been rightfully mine... all these 24 yrs... when i thought of how she would leave for college this morning... would go sit in a class.. snooze through a couple of lectures... and then go out on a coffee break.. chit-chat in the canteen.. get done sometime in the afternoon.. and come back to the comfort of home.. and have the whole evening to yet plan something with friends...

suddenly then... i am reminded.. that my day's in college stretched past-mid-night on most occassions.. also... the only bonding we did do.. was me n him... sitting on that lil ledge outside the canteen... with our sleepy-stoned looks.. unnecessarily long hair... loose clothes and a condescending attitude towards every mortal we could lay our eyes on..

the oblivion towards every mortal who could snatch a whiff of oxygen in that over-crowded space that was best meant for a batch of 100 and best utilized by scores of 16 yr old's instead..

the abondon of presentations... the pointlessness of theory... that had no practical application.. which is also sadly not very true.. when you actually start working... and the utter disdain with which we regarded all people that would take anything seriously or put too much effort into any important activity..

when the to-do lists of the day or week .. were about paying the credit card and phone bills.. the lies to tell to cover the inflated fuel bills (something tells me the bills will yet remain just as integral part of my life now.. as then) and which movie to see... with which of them... today.. there are no movies and there are no companions.. maybe its only fair?

and then suddenly.. through this cloud of nostalgia and feeling bad about all that we missed out on... as a silver-lining or maybe a whole new spin on life.. we see the reality of finally moving away from home.. finally renting out a 2bhk.. where you would live alone.. .and be responsible for locking the door.. shutting the taps and switching off the lights.. also... where you can lay down quitely in your bed and not have to think why will anyone come and ask you something.. and will you have to come up with an answer?

and then... the meeting new people.. who were so much fun.. that they so very easily become friends? of seeing new places and experiencing a new cities customs.. .from tram's to metro's...

of going to yet more interesting places and meeting yet more interesting people.. of broadening your horizons from a city to a country suddenly... of finding inter-connectivity at the national level ;) ;)

of people actually thinking you know something.. and your opinion really counts.. where there is a reward... even if only notional.. linked to the awareness or interest shown by people..

there's a lot of missing the old.. the comfortable.. the easy.. and there is just so much excitement of experiencing this new and observing the changes as they happen....

from being a sad post... about missing my dhiraj cuppa.. this post is suddenly enjoying the kulhad tea and jhal-mudi!

Ode to home...

the last sprint down marine drive
the last drinkin binge of a night
the last night with friends...
the last sun-set

the last sound sleep
in the comfort of my bed

the last warm glass of milk
early in the morning

the last of waking up without alarms!
no gleeful abandon and carelessness

the last drive....
oh so swift....

the last of... student life
of life-long friends...
of relationships and memories

of bumping into acquaintances
every corner and street

the last of lasts
the new shall now last

n i may move physically geographies
but my soul from this city.. shan't depart!

a year to last...

the times are changing
the winds accelarating

its not that they have changed direction
we never knew where we were going anyway..

its dark outside and dark within
i'm searching for that voice
but it's all quite still

when they walk that fast
they're slowing us down

the quick-sand sucks
and i can hear her complain

the black is shining brightly
shimmering and reflecting light

their spirits are so high
n they all passed away noiselessly

the continuity so jarring
the noise so serene


it's been a good year
and it shall cost a LOT!

So... what makes you interesting...

At about 2:15 AM... roughly 3.5 hours back.. i was on my way home...
being Saturday night... near amar there was a significant crowd of post-partying eaters... having skipped dinner even i was quite hungry... and the good ol' bhurji-pav seemed so enticing.. but i pretty much decided to not eat road-side...

and then by the time i got on to the high-way... i msgd him anyway.. about how i missed those good ol' days.. and the good ol' bhurji... and he called back and said.. why don't i come over and we'll all go for bhurji.. since both of them were also not upto too much!!

At 2:26 AM... being exactly 3 mins away from my building i wondered if i should turn-around...
and with it being 2:30 anyway... there was nothing to rush home for... and my grumbling stomach did demand some gratification... so we did turn-around :)

and we picked them up from their building... the pyjama-party with laptops... and off the trio went.. in the general direction of juhu... deploring the youth of today... their drunken driving escapades... and feeling ol' as usual....

mid-way through the bhurji-pav... some part of bhurji reached her eye instead of her mouth... and all-HELL broke lose... and then she was screaming.. and in the process of givin her water to wash her eyes... we spilt 500 ml of Thumbs-UP under my car seat... and also saved her eye in the mean-while... finally having found that bottle of water and washed the food-out!

then we moved on to the Marriott for a coffee-break.. after all that action... apparently we needed somethings to calm us down...

weird as it seems good ol' friends were also at Marriott.. though they'd all left by the time we finally did come aroud..:)

and then there was this bonding... with old stories and anecdotes… and the usual talk of this that and the other… we discussed his in-significance in his life … about how connected this city life is (as usual) and when we thought we’d had enough of this.. that and the other…

we dropped them back… and came back home…

I wonder if any of this made the evening any better or makes for an interesting read…

But given a choice between all that is said above… and parking the car in the parking lot at 2:30 … I wonder how I’d chose to spend those 3 hrs of my life… given a second chance?