Rhyme Scheme?

This is a Toy...
For i am a Boy
With no concept of Joy!

I fly in the Day
I've lied all the Way
Cos i don't know what to Say!
Come lets go play?

The Name of the Game
To always stay the Same

To talk when you Can
Cry if she.... Ran?

Its now late-Night
So... sweetie... Sleep-Tight!!

Rambling on...

#1
the thought is not
the touch isn't!

sometimes when i really sit down to think
even a lifetime really wouldn't

but its the empty chase
the endless phase
the look on your face
and this perpetual race
we're losing the
Winnings!!


#2
its not alone
they're singing his song
red blood met blue
and everything went wrong

i'm listening to the sea
its not talking to me?

along with the rough rain...
we'll soon see its end!

Management lessons from Omkara...

Maybe it happened... b'coz i've been studying mgmt for half-a-decade now... maybe it was just there to be seen... this once...

so i was watching Omkara.. and somehow... all along in the movie.. i thgt it had lessons on sucession planning.. or the lack of it.. and its importance...

like right at the beginning when saif is side-stepped.. and no1 talks to him abt it.. there's a dis-gruntled middle mgr.. (who essentially fucked e-thing up)

then with the whole song n dance sequence... where vivek fucks up... no1 took care to clearly mentor yr newly promoted mgrs..

and the problem... as alwsys lies right at the top.. where the bosses didn't take enough trouble to just ensure.. their ppl were managed efficiently n effectively... and i guess they paid the price by destroyin the whole pipe-line of future leaders..

maybe i am seeing mgmt into this. coz my thgts r tainted now or something.. with all this talk of MBA..but those 3 hrs sure felt like mgmt-talk to me!

right investments!

This isn't so much about the stock-market, because i don't understand how it works anyway. Its a lot more about investing time, effort, money and your feelings in people and friends.

Money is not a big deal, i've always believed in it. Thus, financial investments.. in stocks or people are not that big a deal...

But investing in people, exposing ourselves to them and letting ourselves be vulnerable around them is so much power given to an external source. Like our various OB discussions, this is an external locus of control (not good).

Investing in people fucks-up further when you think about how volatile the investment is, how easily all of it can result in naught and disappear without a trace.

We yet carry on, meeting new people investing in them.. exposing ourselves... usually getting disappointed....

...and then the churh next to home says
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails to return a dividend"

A summer of Discontent!

Its been a while since I call this summer just that… and then I got thinking about well… summers and me… from the time… when each summer we’d go down to the native place, meet all those cousins… travel around states spending a couple of days with almost everyone and that scorching heat… those 2 wheeler rides… the crazy stuff some of those guys did do… and which I was party to

And then there are the times when being born and brought up here in Bombay… I’d get very conscious of seeing any form of insects around me… or about not getting my favorite biscuits or something in those towns.. or even magi seemed like sucha welcome relief and familiar feeling back then…. All of these things back then… were of paramount importance.. the be-all and end all of the stay there and top priority and expectation…

When I compare it to this summer… if I did leave this town.. my first worry would be, how many of these faces will I not be able to see for how long.. will I have my cell phone with me… will there be internet connectivity at that place… suddenly in my own little way it seems like a global village which I find very hard to abandon or miss…. Which is then such a sad compromise… when compared to the glee-ful abandon with which I left this place in those days.. how I looked forward to a new set of discoveries back home, and a new crop of stories to share with people here…

Suddenly I think… this is the only place that I even consider home… and don’t want to lose touch from these people … don’t want to miss out on their time or their lives… it all seems pretty weird… the transition from the family by birth… to the family of choice…

Somewhere along this trip … somewhere along all these thoughts from the past… I almost forgot all the things that make this summer so messed up… and then I wonder how much of this will even be considered next summer or hold any meaning……

and the last time i felt complete....

was the day kashish died...

may the may's enrich her life... like they once enriched mine

Will Mahajan Survive?

Maybe a topic of this nature deserves more mature treatment… maybe this is the mature treatment we wish for it to have... Maybe what I’m writing is just the outcome of the tremendous strain, that my exams; which I’ll barely pass... have put me into

So anyway when I read about pramod mahajan being shot at by his brother... I found the news fascinating in some ways... I don’t know how many people follow news or Indian politics in my generation… it is after-all very redundant over sensationalized anyway...
So if pramod mahajan is shot the interesting thing that struck me is… after quite a few yrs… a young BJP leader is shot (I wonder who’s idea of young is a man of 56 [2 yrs from retirement if he were in a government job] ) anyway.. point being congress is familiar with this scenario having lost their young guns in madhavroa scindia and rajesh pilot… even the jundal.. though I dunno where his political allegiance lay, while I’m sure if it wasn’t with congress it would have been before his career ended…

So yes… coming back to the point… congress always loses young leaders… its their thing I think.. they lost rajiv and sanjay after-all.. what could be more congress anyway..

Whereas BJP seems to be the one to retain this talent… now whether mahajan lives or dies might just help us understand if the phenomenon is Congress specific or all pervasive…

Ofcourse another semi-interesting point that struck me in the course of my ramblings is that… bjp is in the opposition now… when pilot, scindia and rajiv died.. congress was in opposition.. maybe its just an opposition thing to do?

Sea Rocks!

I'm very slowly barbecued
as their loud laughter
pierces my defences...

they're relishing the process
as i'm slowly turned over
evenly cooking every brain cell

its not only
their voices
their actions
or their thoughts

its their being
that leaves a bad taste in my mouth

its not like i'm
asking them to make sense
expecting them to be sane
or hoping for miracles

all i want to do is go HOME!

6/4/6
21:00

For 7 years is a LONG time...

The Body - A Marvel

Its amazing the kind of energy reserves our body has. This afternoon after under-going the most strenuous work-out I was exhausted, dead-tired and thought at 8pm… that this would indeed be a good time to sleep… the evening then… as it slowly led to the dim-dark... was my first leg of this evening.

Then ofcourse came the time spent on writing intelligent sounding words and bonding with friends, over a drive-home then a dinner followed by a dessert and some general talk. That was then part two of this evening.

Finally, with a few more hours on that form, a few words to pacify a restless mind and a few more stray thoughts later… I am sitting on my home PC at 5:36 AM… roughly 10 hours after I was dying to sleep… and yet wide awake…

What amazes me isn’t the fact that so much happened in the last 10 hours… I guess if you’re up sufficiently long, you will go through multiple experiences… but just the fact that the body has so much reserve energy in store which can so effortlessly kick-in to ensure that when push comes to shove… we can thrust hard ;)

the mornin' after

actually there wasn't a mornin after... unless 4pm can yet be called morning..

anyway... sleeping for 12 hrs straight after atleast 24 days if not more.. felt very very nice...

knowing that i have no dead-line approaching or nothing new to take care of.. or pester someone to finish off some work also felt very nice

knowing that all i had to do for this yr is essentially done.. and ppl may find my work less than perfect and may complain.. but most of it.. might only be rantings in hind-sight.. which have no real immediate implications or alterations to be done from my side.. again.. felt-nice

basically... knowing that i could wake up to a morning of no dead-lines and do nothing all day felt-nice...

i went for a movie with her then... after so many days.. and its pleasureable as ever.. to be in her company.. and we broke a jinx.. which had gone on for yrs.. of never seeing a good-film together.. a jinx that went through films like deham, shallow hal, matrix3, bourne identity... chai pani etc... basically spanning almost 4-5 yrs now...

and then a quite dinner at home.. even if its not that cosy and not so homely just now....

it is just good to have this break.. good to not have too much to do...

good to be able to read and write again...

good to be back!

empty thoughts...

No one owns bombay like the stray dogs and the slum-dwellers!

nothin-r'ships

its something i have come across... more so in the last few years... i think... that relationships have stopped becoming so official and people are much more open about the idea of liking someone and yet much more weary of commitment or entering something concrete.

maybe this is because we're (or ppl in my circle) are at an age where commitment becomes a much bigger deal.. and no1 is really fuckin' arnd anymore... maybe it stems from the fact that all of us have definitely had our first few r'ships.. so there is no puppy-lovin left...

anyway... the amount of nothin-r'ships that i see around me... far out-number the ppl in serious r'ships.. and i no longer am certain when some1 says they're single.. coz the thgt of another nothin r'ship comes arnd... i guess what makes em so popular is their lack-of-form or freedom.. some are into a nothin r'ship.. coz they fear commitment.. .some reach it as a residue stage from their previous r'ship... some reach it coz they dun wanna be alone n yet dun really wanna be with tht person.. .and some are just there.. i guess...

amazing how the dynamics of society change and how new concepts are invented to fill the gaps in these...

the perfect day!

it started with bad-grades... well... considering all the ingredients to this semester... bad-grades was the only logical conclusion.. anyway… after that we had that mammoth planning meeting to redeem ourselves...

a few hours later we planned a movie.. to kill the time.. and in sync with the theme of the day... it was the most mind-less, the most point-less movie i have ever seen.. and it was so bad that despite the money we were spending.. we walked out... mid-day now that hasn't happened since that time in Pinki forever back.. and never really happened for a English film.. ever..

then ofcourse.. someone mistook it to be a picturesque night.. and we decided to go for a drive... just to enjoy the view... she spun almost out as the mind raced farther... then ofcourse after a futile drive.. the road was dug-up.. so no view to enjoy.. and no place to part.. and just about as we were about to hit the rd... the license was missing and to eschew trouble… we headed back home..

ofcourse somewhere in the course of the night the equilibrium was also destroyed… for the first time in 2 weeks and the next day was one of those only days with a day-long headache

Guess this wasn’t the most popular Saturday after-all

this night, that year!

it started with a random after-work drive.. Which was meant to drop em home.. and then we started looking for food jst coz hunger struck.. and then we started drifting aimlessly... found some food .. but barely anything... soon we decided to travel to town...

and the roads were but-empty... with Tuesday morning approaching and the auspiciousness of walking-up-to-the-gods!!!!

we re-discovered worli-sea-face... HLL training centre.. empty buildings.. empty roads.. lots of interesting discussions of her and her and HER?

him and her and them together and us and back and forth...

we wanted to buy a couple of buildings in-between… good property deserves better owners ofcourse..

The hoarding read
“the youth leaders in parliament start at 60”
Is the emphasis on youth?

So… you think I should be a banker or do something with CCS
What difference does it make yaar, … if u go banking or alternate?...
Bastard for once stop thinking about yourself I am asking you what do you think I should do… don’t look at my life in terms of YOU
But isn’t that what really matters?
*(Y$*(@Y$@(*Y%({Y%

A few minutes later… we were on SB rd. Colaba – 5, from Andheri (E)-93…
And then we turned around for a quick coffee, a look at the beautiful abstraction of a shop called “atmosphere”
Does anyone know what this shop, right next to the Gateway of India sells?

We were just headed back when it struck us that the station will offer much need food and then there was Bun-maska, tea! Bhurji-pav… there is a god.. and he blesses us all!

On the way back the discussion went on to more interesting topics like being open to new people, traveling, working in teams... food wakes us up after-all

I am very tolerant of diversity and my interests have been aligned accordingly like traveling, working with various groups etc.
I am also very tolerant to diversity
Being okay about various contradicting opinions you have is not really the same as being tolerant to diversity

And then we twilighted home…

Arranged Vs Love

This has somehow been a topic of discussion or relevance for me since the age of 18... maybe cause the woman i was in love with... was so hell-bent on gettin arranged...

so anyway... we're debating this for 45 mins... voices rising, discussions getting passionate... what about individual liberty... what about what your parents.. they have raised you for so many yrs.. but its your life.. but you can't dissociate from the emotional attachment to the family just like that.. but if they decided to have you for whatever reasons.. don't they have a duty to raise you... it had pretty much reached a fuck-you stage.. where you believe in your theories and i'll believe in mine.. no two people have to always concur after-all... civilized society only asks for people to be able 2 accept other people's opinions.

So after all these moral pleas' of individual liberty, moral righteousness and how we should not compromise on things we believe in… I just decided to share his opinion on all of this… after-all the discussion had started because he had an opinion on this…

“She’ll tell you she has a moral obligation towards the family… you have to convince her… by telling her… imagine… if we get married and then we have children the atmosphere in the house will be filled with so much love… so much promise… you will tell the kids… their children (your grand-kids) stories of our court-ship… and how there were so many firsts and how our families finally agreed and you will be spreading so much happiness… don’t you owe that to our children and their children… isn’t that then… much greater than what we owe just our parents”

That worked… worked better than I have heard a woman seem agreeable in almost 8 yrs of mouthing my usual lines…

work and its worth-less-ness

i read this very interesting article as i had a few hours and more to kill..
http://www.zpub.com/notes/black-work.html
this article.. reminded me of so many things i believe in... like work isn't really the be-all-end-all.. it also reminded me of a very old article...
http://www.zpub.com/notes/idle.html
which had struck up quite a conversation a few winters back...

anyway.. some of the key lessons and questions that arose out of both the essays for me were... if we do improve in technology & advance.. why couldn't just a few ppl work towards subsistence and the rest try to do something better with their lives... how are progressing if we are all in the rat race...

and i really liked these lines.. for they finally bring to fore something i have always believed in... the uselessness of financial institutions and instruments..

i mean what person in their sane frame of mind needs all those mutual funds and bonds, the derivatives & commodity markets... nationalised and local and other such banks...

"Forty percent of the workforce are white-collar workers, most of whom have some of the most tedious and idiotic jobs ever concocted. Entire industries, insurance and banking and real estate for instance, consist of nothing but useless paper-shuffling. It is no accident that the "tertiary sector," the service sector, is growing while the "secondary sector" (industry) stagnates and the "primary sector" (agriculture) nearly disappears. "

then the lil thought about how nero would've actually turned out alright if he was allowed to.. at a younger age... in a lesser degree to practise animal slaughter (by working in a slaughter house) thus killing his fascination over the damn thing!

point being.. as we all know.. things are curable if addressed at an earlier age and being proactive about such issues is very much possible.. it doesn't even take a genius to figure these things out...
as entertaining or interesting the lives of such freaks would be.. .we might be making much better use of our time and resources if we spent it just treating these individuals better

very similar to the kind of outlook some of us hope or expect the indian society to take towards sex and relationships amongst individuals of the opposite sex... especially in places like North India.. .maybe then we'd not have our capital as the rape capital of the country atleasT!

givin' up....

Giving up.. ought to be one of the most difficult lessons to learn... giving up not on what you believed in or strived towards... but giving up on the probable outcome of the effort put in...

since its so difficult to practice... the rewards are equally brilliant... like if you give up on the result and pursue the activity just for the pure pleasure of play... it can sometimes be more rewarding than the plan intentioned.

he experienced it... when he did euphoria... he experienced it also when sittin there after 2yrs of prep the math section looked to be printed in greek.. ofcourse one outcome was positive and one of them otherwise.. but then.. like the wise men say.. after putting in your honest best efforts there is very little you can do.. except hope for the best.. and that is why it becomes so important to let go... give up and not hope or wish or pray that things work out your way.. cos they will only work out the way they have to.. but by not expecting you rid yourself of the pressure the expectation and thus the disappointment.

here's to giving up on a few more things in life.. so what if the investment was another yr of my life!

You're Ruining yourself!

one of the best compliments i've recieved this yr... or in a few yrs now..

and the giver did not even know.. what all the taker took in that 1 simple line...

ruining my life over so many people and so many things that if we could realistically remove all of these variable i'd be a lot less ruined and a lot more happy.

Good-bye

dream analysis....

she n i used to play dream analysis once upon a time... it was fun n it was played seldom n it threw up interesting connotations...

like she dreamt about killing, teeth falling, my dreams though are always out-of-context.. yet never really way too unbelievable or un-realistic.. except for the time kareena n abhishek came home for a meal n i dropped them back in my zen.. and for some non-apparent reason they ensured by doing stupid things.. my zen had only 2 doors left.. i've never really had the heart to analyze that dream ofcourse.. its lying in cold storage... this isn't about that dream anyway :P

last night.. rather this morning at 7:30 i had a dream... she came to my house.. upstairs.. and i was gently kissing her lips.. and just getting comfortable.. when the alarm rang and i woke up :) (all good things come to an end... abruptly and just when you're starting to enjoy them :P)

anyway... now frued says.. when you have a physical dream about someone.. you're in love with that person.... and... umm... indian lore.. or whatever part of it i have been exposed to... says.. early morning dreams.. tend to come true.. rather often...

interesting food for thoughT!