Charade

the nape of her neck....
the close-up to her lips
the curve of her breast
and her shiny white teeth

Images left with me,
are mine always to keep
We shift & We stagnate
We move a million steps
Trying to remain the same

What miles couldn't magnify
Moods can deviate
And then her hair falls on top of my head
And she smells so great always!!

A child to protect
A mistake to learn from
She's my energy drink
& saps life out of me

Once upon a birthday...

its been a couple of years now.. since i celebrated.. my birthday.. or cut a cake on it.. or did anything formal.. its partly good and bad.. though last nite i did have some form of birthday dinner.. but then considering the recent past.. that's hardly anything close to a party...

so last year.. it was this cousin's wedding on the previous night... which meant i was with family.. that day.. course i cud've chosen to be here.. but something told me i had to go there.. and then ppl around me were drinking.. but i was with family..so... and then we spent till about 5 am... to finish the fera's.. and then till 7 am to transfer all the stuff back and transport the people back... slept a few hours and then drove inter-state where i was on the verge of falling asleep.. for about 3.5 hours in the afternoon.. reached my nani's house... slept 6 - 7 woke up the next morning.. and yr 22 was over :P

this yr.. well.. it started with organising n working hard for the alumni dinner.. just like good old days of colloseum... and then lots of drinks + lots of drinks + lots of drinks followed... by the end of it... i was sloshed.. all over the place... and it took 6 good men to get me back to the hostel.. at abt 3 am... then ofcourse i woke up at 11.. came home.. changed into something sensible.. spent the afternoon hearing about the fights that broke out the previous night.. and then... sleeping 3 hours in a class...

finally met.. her for a while.. .and then. took a few of them for dinner... funny dinner 'twas.. unfortunately.. no snaps of it... wud've been a site-for-sore-eyes with all that water-melon juice flowing... then ofcourse.. some of 'em had 2 have beer again.. so we were on the rd till 3 am... watching my friends... drainin the night in a golden fizzy.... buzz....

now lets look fwd to the next yr...

listenin to the past...

i heard it after SO LONG... on my drive back home.. from college... tonight... its funny what a large gap there is between randomly listening to music... and actually HEARING a song.. like you were living those words.. like they meant so much more than jst empty song lyrics.. and you knew what the guy felt.. .suddenly i rolled up all the windows... pushed the volume higher... and it seemd like the setting of another song from her cd... "ready,steady....go!"

anyway.. so hearing that song after so long.. suddenly reminded me of him... how me him and a few others... would dissect each and every word of this song.. how we'd contemplate what he meant... what was he really good or bad at... and how we'd sit together... all of us... no guitar... no other instrument.. and just singing in tune.. with our mental play-back.. sing the whole song...

and how we counted down slowly each and every one of those... nine.. ."a denial"'s

life goes on... no denial

9/11

funny thought...

but do you guys think... 9-11... happened.. on that very day... coz the americans are so much in love with a sense of security.. and dialing 911..

you guys may have heard/ though of this before... it jst came to my mind right now..

how is it love....

if you don't love doing it?

solicited advice!

its funny when i think of some of the theories i come up with.. and then when i look back upon them.. it seems quite fun...

like this 1 time.. i gave him this theory.. about how at each level in life.. we start at the lowest point... so if you keep waiting to leap off to the highest point of level 2... chances are you'll be stuck at level 1 for so long.. that level 2 will be redundant even when you reach it.. and so.. life is a trade-off as there can never be enough time to get things just right.. and we almost always have to leap.. before we're totally ready...

and then.. today.. again i was giving him big advice.. about the new found favorite past-time of the youth... and put things in a funny.. semi-realistic perspective i told him... each min of thoughtful papersolving will get him a %ile.. higher.. and the moment he slackens and makes it a mechanical job.. the performance will suffer and his result will be stagnant .. so out of the 120 mins.. say 15 r given to browse thru the 3 sections.. and 5 kept for coloring those ovals... after this if the man can keep his mind open for 100 mins... he could get 100 percentile...

i wonder if any-one-else ever thought of it that way...

i wonder if such-a line could motivate him...

if it could.. i wonder if he'd make a better motivational speaker than me ;)

unsolicited advice

so for once i didn't have my car.. i dropped her home around 11:20.. the guy said he knew the way home.. afterall if the rickshawalla knew all of mumbai.. how could he not know mahakali.. i concurred with the man .and then on the 20 odd min rick ride home.. i was on the phone.. just before getting home i hung up.. .as i was getting off and paying the man … this happened

All of this with a very serious constipated look on his face.. similar to the one you’d see on serial killers with utmost concentration!

Him: tum college wagera jata hai ki beechmein hi padhai chod diya
Me: nahi nahi… mein college mein hoon, MBA kar raha hoon

Him: Haa, padhai karne ka.. bahut zaroori hai

Me: haan padhai tau hai… sahi baat hai

Him: Ye ladki log ke chakar mein nahi fasne ka… khali time kharab karti hai… tum ko barbaad karegi… padhai pe dhyaan dene ka…


Talk of unsolicited advice!

stating the obvious

today... we shall delve upon a rather commonly known theory.. coz for once in our lives... it affects us in an un-common way...

the self-image or self-worth that a person has... determines how safe/insecure he feels about the people around him..

that is the essential crux of this post.. and then to drive home the point you can probably expound on the theory that the times when we do feel insecure or un-safe or likely to lose our loved ones is when we're not confident that our personalities or what we bring into that relationship is enough to make them stay with us...

its something i felt with and in.. all of my relationships.. and something which became glaringly evident in the non-relationships also....

it is good sometimes to know so much about yourself and the kind of things that affect you... and then yet to romanticize life.. if you junk all these learnings and keep living with your mistakes anyway... where is the smart man going to go?

she'd once told me i am a bundle of joy... when i look back, very often i only see a bundle of errors .. the choicest mistakes done with crackling delight
she was beautiful, smart and hopeful
she wanted to show me the light
turns out i was blind!

future-proofing

idle-contemplation about my future... reminded me of her words.. that she always saw a/some potential in me.. maybe that of a un-cut diamond.. or that she always thought i'd be successful... and then i connected this with the story-line of minority report... or any time-travel fantasy.. and the concept is...

that...

if you could find a way to get into the future and find-out how the events would un-fold... you could go back in to the present and ensure a better tomorrow. NOW, if only tomorrow's business-men could all go into the future.. and see the great conglomerate that i would build. all the people that would be my future competition could come back to today.. and make me some sort of token payment. on a recurring basis, to ensure that i do not enter their line of business and destroy them as my future-past-competitiors.

this way... i could get paid for doing nothing.. coz my nothing here would be very beneficial to their lives...
now if only science could take us where my mind went.. and if only more people read this blog.
kind friends.. .spread the word!!